Jessica Simpson’s Pregnancy is Rapidly Advancing

February 28th, 2012 // 146 Comments

“They said ‘never be downwind of her.’ I should have listened, dear sweet God, I should have listened..”

Posted by Photo Boy

You may be thinking it’s insensitive to post this photo set and make cruel and baseless fart jokes at the expense of a woman experiencing the completely natural changes that her body is going through as a result of pregnancy. You’re right. But I won’t apologize, because somewhere out there is a Chilli’s manager who maxed out his quarterly bonus because of Jessica Simpson and I’ll be damned if this site fails to recognize her patronage. Also, look at that chick’s face and try to tell me it isn’t so bad she can actually taste it.

Photo: Fame/Flynet


  1. Kodos

    Boy, I’ll bet she regrets lettin’ old what’s-his-name cum inside her, huh?

  2. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Bitch, hold these bags. You’re makin me look fat.

  3. Joaquin ingles

    Now we just need Elle to have her on the cover naked!

  4. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Every time i see pregnant Jess I think it’s Kirstie Alley on a good day

  5. leave Jessica alone she’s supposedly expecting twins for which recomended weight gain is about 55lbs but since they come with complications moms expecting them gain on average 80lbs look at Mariah Carey and all the issues she had while she was pregnant with her twins in 10/11 and they were born 5 weeks premature lets hope Jessica’s had a smooth pregnancy and that she carries to 37 weeks which is connsidered term for twins the babies will probably be 6.5-7lbs each at birth. Jess on looks disproportionately bigger because she’s short 5’3″ while Mariah though huge and bed ridden for the last trimester of her pregnancy and 6 weeks after for c section/hernia sugery recovery distributed the weight differently because she’s tall 5’9″ and least Jess can still walk and celebs have always worn heels during pregnancy unless they medically can’t especially if they are short like Jess is

    • hijkmno

      bullSHIT. i had twins at the age of 41, gained 50lbs and was at least HALF her size. she’s morbidly obese and she’s lucky if she doesn’t have gestational diabetes. being this fat is dangerous for not only her but her unborn child(ren) too. i don’t care how friggin’ short she is, she’s put on at LEAST 100lbs. she’s a selfish, greedy, fat pig.

    • hijkmno

      and ANOTHER thing…mariah is only 5’7″.

      • @Hijkmno no Mariah isn’t that short she might be 5 8.45″ at this point after age 35 you lose an Inch every eight years. I’m 5ft 7in and theres no way Mariah is my height. Jessica isn’t morbidly obease she maybe carrying alot of access water from swelling due to issues she doesn’t want to speak about before her child/children are born and they could be on the larger side do to those issues my dad is a twin and he was over a pound heavier than his younger sister at birth. @Anastasia I know that but I know what a difficult pregnancy multiple or not can do to a womans emotions from my own mom who is Jessica’s height telling me how difficult it was for her when she was pregnant with me she gained 65lbs and I was 12 days late 7lbs 11oz & 21 1/2 ins long. Someone on a people article said somebody close to her supposedly let it slip that she was having twins leave the girl alone carrying one child is hard let alone multiples

    • whatthe

      I have a friend who recently had twins, and she wasn’t even half this size when she gave birth at 8.5 months. And my friend is 5’2″. Jessica is the prime example of a glutenous woman that thinks she can eat as much junk food and whatever else she wants while she’s pregnant. I bet she lacks any self control and will be too lazy to lose the weight after the pregnancy. She’ll either remain fat and/or get lipo because she can’t and won’t eat a healthy diet and exercise. I feel sorry for the poor bastard that knocked up this pig.

    • First off, how do you know she’s expecting twins? From OK magazine? Please. Like the other posters pointed out, having twins is no reason to look like this.
      And what complications? Getting your car stuck in the sonic drive through is not a pregnancy complication.
      Stop making excuses for her, it’s really pathetic.

  6. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Big as a house.

  7. Ganja Din

    Wow, just thiink, she must be farting for two. No hope of turning back global warming now…

  8. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Heels have a slimming effect.

  9. meanie

    Most other celebrities go into hiding at around 30 weeks. Look out, Carnie Wilson. There’s a new sheriff in town.

  10. forrest

    yep, this is the jessica we know.

  11. smoke

    I’ll give her a pass on the weight gain because she’s knocked up higher than a kite. I’m reserving judgment until after her spawn is hatched and she has to lose 80 pounds of baby weight plus that 100 pounds of “eating everything within reach” weight she had pre-pregnancy.

  12. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    You people are stupid and wrong about everything. No intelligence. No sense in me even telling you any difference. I keep up with her. I know that what you are doing is all wrong.

  13. anonym

    holy shit!
    there must be triplets in there

  14. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    I imagine if she visits any restaurants the waiter will, after she finishes her meal, say in a French accent: “Finally, Madame. Would you like a wafer thin mint?”

  15. terry

    She’s still pregnant?!

  16. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Her titties are freakin HUGE!!!
    I can’t until she drops that load and feels a need to display her new “momma titties!” ;)

    • vgirly

      Yeah and she is for sure going to get stretch marks all over them tits. You all realize her tits are only going to get bigger after she gives birth when the milk somes in? Painful.

  17. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    How many kids is she HAVING?!

  18. lala

    anastasia, good for you for not gaining weight whilst pregnant!
    but everyone is different and the way you talk is just…not on, i hope you stay slim and healthy but jessica maybe doesnt care about her health so much as you, everyone has different priorities and the worst thing we can do is judge others on things that do not affect us, i say this as an organic eating, yoga loving health freak with a 23 in waist so it is not that i am defending an unhealthy lifestyle its just everyone has different priorities

    • Except for the fact that it does affect others. Her habits will affect her child and everyone around her. And it affects other pregnant women who think it’s okay to use pregnancy as an excuse to turn themselves into a garbage disposal. It affects everyone who has to pay increased health insurance premiums because of any problems that arise in her condition that result from weighing a metric ton. And I don’t want to hear how you can be fat and healthy. This is beyond fat, this is disgusting.

      • whodouwanttobetoday

        It is more like closed minded, ignorant women like you are making other women feel like horrid, repulsive livestock whom deserve to be betrayed by their husbands during an extremely beautiful event in their lives. You are so wrong about so many things that I hope you learn to study biology a little deeper before you pass on this plethra of misinformation to another human being. May you become humble and learn to perpetuate kindness towards people so that you may pass on virtue to your offspring.

      • hijkmno


      • Wow, where do I start? I’m not sure what you’re basing “closed minded” on, but I guess it’s because I’m not open to the normalcy of a woman gaining this much weight during a pregnancy.
        I cannot tolerate this agenda that allows this kind of total loss of control to be accepted. As is so happens, I “learned to study biology” in college and believe me, there is no scientific reason for this. Unless you have studied more extensively than me, I don’t know. What university program taught you that this was normal? What misinformation have I passed on?
        As for making other women feel like horrid, repulsive livestock, there are about a million degrees between this and the Victoria’s Secret standard of beauty. No one’s talking about women being picked on for a little cellulite or being a few pounds (10, 20 ,30) overweight. Or even gaining the normal amount (25-35 lbs) during pregnancy. That’s not what this is about. This is so beyond the continuum of normalcy it’s outrageous.
        I’m pretty secure in my “humbleness” and humility since I haven’t allowed myself to be a gluttonous pig during my pregnancy and have been kind enough to put the health of my unborn child ahead of my need to polish off an entire bag of oreos a day, before lunch.
        And to hijkmno: at the risk of looking unkind, hahahahahaha! to your “fatty” comment (and your other comments too). It was far more succinct, and really said everything that had to be said.
        Thank you

  19. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Reminds me of Mars…

  20. The Royal Penis

    Hooolllllyyyyy Shiiiiaaat!

    She’s become a materinity ward.

    This can’t be real, it must be photoshopped or some shit.

  21. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    God is Black
    Commented on this photo:

    Seriously the girlfriend is laughing at her like I am right?

  22. Freebie48

    How come Beyonce didn’t look like that when she was pregnant. And look at Beyonce now, a few weeks after giving birth. She should give Jess her secret. (surrogate anyone?)

  23. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    The Return of Blonde Kirstie Alley.
    In theatres soon.

  24. jammer

    Red Zepplin . . .

  25. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    “No, it’s really slimming. Really! And who would’ve known Saks Fifth Avenue had a tent and awning section anyway? I know, right?”

  26. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    “Jenkins, stop that woman, she’s shoplifting that orange sofa! Oh, wait… my bad.”

  27. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Princess Consuela Banana Hammock
    Commented on this photo:

    Why are these old photos of Anna Nicole Smith popping up again?

  28. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Tyler Perry
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got to be carrying twins or more. That is just ridiculous huge.

  29. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    At least her feet aren’t swollen.

  30. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    And She Is Only 1 Month

  31. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Jeez! She looks like she is ready to pop with triplets!!! For one, that dress does nothing for her, makes her look even bigger and her boobs melon size! For two, someone has been eating for 4! LMAO!

  32. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    do we know how many months she is? they’re going to have to get a crane to lift her out of her house when she goes into labor.

  33. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Shoes don’t match – not that she can see them or anything.

  34. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Turd Ferguson
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus – is that a steel-reinforced breastplate separating those things?

  35. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    i like “gringo piñatas” :D

  36. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Did Kirstie Alley dye her hair blond?

  37. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Maybe some of us like Jessica Phat/Thick.

  38. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    how come every part of her body is swollen except her feet…. I love her though

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