Jessica Simpson’s Pregnancy is Rapidly Advancing

February 28th, 2012 // 146 Comments

“They said ‘never be downwind of her.’ I should have listened, dear sweet God, I should have listened..”

Posted by Photo Boy

You may be thinking it’s insensitive to post this photo set and make cruel and baseless fart jokes at the expense of a woman experiencing the completely natural changes that her body is going through as a result of pregnancy. You’re right. But I won’t apologize, because somewhere out there is a Chilli’s manager who maxed out his quarterly bonus because of Jessica Simpson and I’ll be damned if this site fails to recognize her patronage. Also, look at that chick’s face and try to tell me it isn’t so bad she can actually taste it.

Photo: Fame/Flynet


  1. Dufresne

    Take cover…she’s ready to blow!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Randal

      I’m always impressed at how beautiful women become when they’re pregnant. The glow which radiates from their skin, the sparkle in their eyes to the general feeling of happiness and joy, and Jessica oozes with each one of them.



        She oozes alright, but it ain’t joy or sparkle. That’s Hidden Vally Ranch dressin’ glowin’.

      • whatthe

        You are one sick bastard. She has gained far too much weight, and is likely obese at this point. She even has jowls for fuck’s sake. The poor chump that knocked her up probably has to try hard to not puke when he sees her naked. What a disgusting cow. And don’t say it’s her body-type; her sister didn’t look anywhere near as disgusting as this when she was pregnant.

    • Melissa

      The scary part is she is only 7 months pregnant. I wish I was joking.

  2. 12Kyowouldda

    That’s a huge boob gap…those things are done for…destroyed

  3. Jill

    Wow, they got started reparing the potholes her little stroll created mighty quickly.

  4. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    holy shit she’s HUGE

  5. hmna

    So she’s in her fifth trimester?

  6. Atomic Punk

    I think she has an entire preschool in there.

  7. Frank Burns

    She’s ready to jump through a brick wall and yell “Oh yeah!”.

  8. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Hugh Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    lookit dem tittiaes! just lookit dem!

    • Lovemloveme

      hahahaha they fucking HUGE

      Full of milk

    • vgirl

      And they are going to just get bigger. Typically a woman’s milk doesn’t fully come in until after she gives birth. I’m just cringing from the thought of how much THAT is going to hurt. I went from B’s to large D’s. I can’t even imagine what size hers are. Her tits will totally be F*cked after this.

  9. rican

    Now I’m confused, didn’t Cass Elliot die in the ’70′s?

  10. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Does someone just follow her around and preemptively put those “ROAD WORK AHEAD” signs behind her?

  11. dodo

    Even her hands are fat.

  12. I would drink her breast milk. Look at those jugs

  13. “Jessica, do you have to yell ‘Release the Kraken’ every time?!”

  14. JC

    Later that day, Jessica laid down on the sidewalk and then said to her companion: “There will be no bargain, young Jedi. I shall enjoy watching you die.”

  15. That is fucking disgusting. I don’t care what anyone says, there is absolutely no reason to be this fucking fat while pregnant. If you do get this big there is either something medically wrong with you or you have absolutely no self control. I am due March 30th (now 35 weeks) and gained 18 pounds, so I don’t want to hear any posts about how all women are different. That is bullshit. She is a *big* famous person with every advantage at her disposal, so there is no excuse for this. No wonder men cheat on their baby mamas. I’m still in shock that someone climbed on top of this and impregnated it in the first place. Gross.

    • Mark B

      What you are doing here, is overlooking the obvious that she must be having septdectuplets ! (That’s 17 in case you were wondering)

    • Lisatlantic

      The most ridiculous part is that someone who “designs” her own lines of clothing puts on a goddamn tent that makes her look even more gigantic. With those massive shoes she just looks like a fucking clydesdale.

      • Schmidtler

        With the Billion Dollars this broad is worth, I’d bang her right now, even if she was this fat and not pregnant.
        I have no pride.

      • There is nothing that she could put on that wouldn’t make her look gigantic. Nothing. The shoes just look like a joke. She could be shrouded in all black with ballerina shoes and still look like a whale. Because she is a whale.

    • goingoing

      Yay for you for having an ARIES baby.

      Good luck!!!!

      you’re gonna need it (aries are trouble)

    • Get a Grip

      Congratulations on knowing fuck all about pregnancy and how every woman is different. “Someone climbed on top of this?” DUH she wasn’t like this before pregnancy – DUH.

    • If anyone is disgusting, it is you. Your name is ridiculous and speaks to the fact you have no self-esteem. Your comments are hideous and mean-spirited.

      You are incorrect — every woman’s body chemistry is unique.

      What a bitter person you seem to be. Reassess your attitude of hatefulness because, apparently, you are about to become a mother. Your child deserves a kind and peaceful mother.

      Good luck, to you.

      • Um, okay.

        First of all the screen name is a joke from an old TV show, like most of the ones on here. So I’m sorry if you didn’t get that. This site must be very confusing for you.

        Secondly, I don’t know what your qualifications are in stating that “every woman’s body chemistry is unique”, but I would love to see some factual evidence that supports the idea that gaining 60 to 80 pounds at this stage of pregnancy is caused by anything other than extreme overeating. If you’re seriously trying to tell me that it’s some kind of natural side effect of a woman’s body chemistry to get this big I would love to hear how that happens. It sounds like science fiction to me. Or just excuses for not caring about your body. Wouldn’t you be angry if she was spotted smoking or drinking while pregnant? This is harmful to her pregnancy, too.

        I’m not bitter at all. I’m just sick of the lies. Don’t tell me that someone gains this much weight without eating over 3,000 calories a day. I don’t believe it. And no, eating that much is not needed during pregnancy. Go ask someone with a medical degree or a midwife or someone else qualified to speak on pregnancy.

        I don’t hate. I just don’t like dishonesty. I want to teach my child to be responsible for their choices, which will make them happier in the long run. I am very kind and peaceful when someone’s agenda of whining isn’t being spelled out to me.

        Good luck to you, too.

  16. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Does anyone else look at her torso and see Magcargo?

  17. She looks fine for somebody expecting to give birth to a 5 year old.

  18. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    After she squeezes the one out of her uterus, how much you wanna bet that two more come out, one from each nipple?

  19. g spot finder

    It’s calfing season in the midwest. Won’t be long for the cow calf pair.

  20. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d be squinting too if I were facing something so obviously about to explode into a gooey shower of fetuses, placenta, and Little Debbie Snack Treats.

  21. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s like Homer Simpson pushing his face through a red silk curtain.

  22. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    I am surprised at the shoes

  23. Skeets

    slow day…

  24. drunk again

    She’s pregnant ?

  25. She’s too small…needs at least another 20 lbs added on. That’s going to be one lucky littter of kids if she breastfeeds from those whoppers!

  26. Dan

    Is it wrong for me to think that the unborn child is completely doomed.

    • Cock Dr

      It will emerge with one helluva ranch dressing addiction. You never overcome that, it’s a lifelong affliction.

  27. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Awesome in the truest sense of the word.

  28. Wink

    Are her tits having babies too? Jesus.

  29. Kiss My Ass Elmo

    Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that, my mouth was open and everything!

  30. dr

    I’m surprised she doesn’t have more of a double chin. That’s awesome. Being able to get huge but the face stays relatively the same.

  31. EricLr

    So who’s the lucky husband that gets to sleep beside that every night?

  32. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Tara Ellis
    Commented on this photo:

    Just because you can..doesn’t mean you should.

  33. Deacon Jones

    Fish, you should just embed the Fat Albert theme song on this post and do a picutre loop of flash images of her walking.

    She looks like she will explode if she sneezes.

  34. Da Cheese

    She must be on the Paula Deen diet for pregnant women.

  35. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Her boobs are pregnant too

  36. hoyage

    Fuck me think she bigger than that octomom. How many she got in there. She breading an army or what.

  37. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Man are her tits preggers or what.

  38. cc

    It’s a pity we used up all the Jabba the Hut jokes n Christina Aguilera.

  39. El Chunior

    She was eating for two before she got preggers. I’m thinking, now, she is eating for like five or six. Maybe more.

  40. El Jefe

    Pretty confident at this point that she and Hillary Duff are not giving birth to human children.

  41. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Jessica Simpson Shopping in Beverly Hills… I think part of her is in West Hollywood

  42. patrix

    Make way for white Cee lo Green!

  43. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    Why is this woman telling anyone how to dress or design clothing?! As usual, you can see her toes hanging off the end of her shoes. She doesn’t know what fits her body or her feet; she desperately needs a stylist.

  44. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s Gonna Blow!!!!!

    someone had to get that outta the way

  45. whiskeyafternoon

    I think the caution tape in the background is most telling.

  46. Ariel

    “Maternity High Heels, available now!”

  47. ace11

    Wouldn’t it shock the World…If the baby is Nick’s?

    Watch that announcement

  48. ComedySilliness

    Wow – I so wanted to contribute a comment, but by the time I reached the end of these I was laughing so hard I was crying. About a dozen contenders here for Most Important People … .
    Great work Fish people

  49. Jessica Simpson Pregnant Huge
    Commented on this photo:

    She reminds me of a pitcher of Kool Aid. OH YEAH!!

  50. Elliott

    How long has this bitch been pregnant? It’s been, like, three f*cking years already. Those tits are going to have a hell of a time not hitting the floor after this.

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