Here’s Jessica Simpson in Italy today with her new boyfriend Eric Johnson who’s doing exactly what I’d be doing in his shoes: Staring directly at her cleavage while praying to sweet heaven she doesn’t talk and/or fart in a restaurant. That would make the sex we’d still have way more awkward than it need be.
JESSICA: So, about what happened in the restaurant…
ME: *starts crying* Could you at least let me fin- HADOUKEN! Never mind, I’m good. You were saying?
Photos: Splash News
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taz | July 9, 2010 at 4:03 pm
He got caught
DKNY | July 9, 2010 at 4:17 pm
Caught doing what? She’s looking at her hands, he’s looking at her hands.
They’re probably discussing what kind of wedding ring she’s demanding.
nudele | July 9, 2010 at 5:03 pm
yeah…her hands….sure.
IHATEWOMEN | July 9, 2010 at 4:09 pm
First?
doooofus | July 9, 2010 at 4:10 pm
Third?
Deacon Jones | July 9, 2010 at 4:12 pm
I’m bigger than this dude, how the hell was he in the NFL?
Cock Dr | July 9, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Um…talent? Training? Skillz?
Photos of the coach with 12 yo boy?
Deacon Jones | July 9, 2010 at 4:46 pm
You can have all the talent in the world, that size doesnt do shit for you in the NFL, unless he lost 50, 60 pounds since he played.
Cock Dr | July 9, 2010 at 4:52 pm
Maybe Jess pounded the weight right off of him. She looks like she would be quite a workout.
Richester | July 9, 2010 at 5:29 pm
I don’t know, Jess as frame of reference, she looks about 300 pounds so he could be about 6’3″ 260 pounds.
MsTLC | July 9, 2010 at 9:32 pm
He lost a lot of weight since leaving the NFL. The Niners made him bulk up, so he now looks normal. whoopdeedoo.
LittleCupcakes | July 9, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Wow. Very beautiful.
Brit | July 9, 2010 at 4:15 pm
WTF is fatty wearing? Did she steal the curtains from a nearby Sears?
kelley | July 9, 2010 at 4:15 pm
There’s a difference between then and than, Fish. Bad editing … sux.
Cock Dr | July 9, 2010 at 4:15 pm
She’s happy. She’s getting boned, she’s obviously eating whatever the hell she wants to; just cover it all up in a big orange mu-mu.
Wonder how HE feels? Bruised, battered & maybe burnt by the napalm.
FattyFatty2x4 | July 9, 2010 at 5:04 pm
You’re on FIRE today Doc. Must of worked on a good one, eh?
Hey, is your profession like a car builder’s or large home appliance maker’s?
You never want to buy one of them on a Monday or Friday. Does the same mentality work for you?
Your answer may be helpful someday, thanx in advance.
Cock Dr | July 9, 2010 at 6:06 pm
Fatty, I think of myself as a glorified plumber.
And there is so much screwed up pipes & plumbing out there…..business is good no matter what day of the week it is.
How do you like the big JS here? Would ya hit that thang with the 2×4?
I don’t normally handle women, but I would give her a breast exam if called upon.
Then she would probably try to follow me home come quitting time. Awkward!
FattyFatty2x4 | July 9, 2010 at 8:53 pm
Me like em big in the front, bigger in the back, wait…..poker in the front, liquor in the rear. I get lost on my Zen poems.
Anywho, I likey.
Do you only service whites? Every other race seems to have 4 or 5 kids whether they can afford them or not.
Cock Dr | July 10, 2010 at 11:08 am
The practice is colorblind.
Although I have no studies at my fingertips, I believe that education & religion are truer predictors for family size than race.
My own favorite Zen quote would be “More cushion for the pushin’”.
I believe that applies here to the curvy TX blonde above. I hope these 2 make a sex tape & it goes viral……but I won’t watch unless I have reassurance that the farts are edited out.
FattyFatty2x4 | July 10, 2010 at 3:44 pm
You are tooo much.
you should take that on the road. first stop= Minny
Agree, edit farts, leave in queefs
Some Girl | July 11, 2010 at 9:34 am
Cock Dr. = LOL
ThenOrThan | July 9, 2010 at 4:27 pm
Man… I know you are “just an internet blog jockey” but you really don’t know the difference between THEN and THAN?
Fucksticks man…
Jesse James | July 9, 2010 at 9:21 pm
I hate all of you Grammar Nazis. Get a life, everyone knows what Fish meant, but we didn’t tell you.
Khunt | July 9, 2010 at 4:34 pm
Yall worried about spelling? Look at those tits you fags!
Nooken | July 9, 2010 at 4:35 pm
Hadouken! HAHAhahaha, nice.
nao | July 9, 2010 at 4:40 pm
HAHAHAHAHHA HOT GUY, LUCKY JESS
You ain't good enough to sit on ROUGH's bonner, I mean banner! | July 9, 2010 at 5:04 pm
Wedding ring? If I can’t explore every part of your body, why should she get a ring…I hope this dweeb adapt that attitude.
Jammy | July 9, 2010 at 5:37 pm
Who even cares about Heffica Blimpson, she was only famous for her quasi good looks which have faded to the point where she looks like an encased sausage.
gogo | July 9, 2010 at 5:40 pm
Hmm nobody noticed the dude’s body language?
NutfFux | July 9, 2010 at 6:28 pm
Yeah, he’s kinda walking with a gay swish, isn’t he?
MsTLC | July 9, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Bah! You’re stupid.
Sardonic | July 9, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Now, those are the regal robes of a true pasta lover! And the color cleverly hides the sauce stains.
captain america | July 10, 2010 at 12:36 am
he also isn’t very smart.
……THIS JUST CAN’T BE.
quner412 | July 10, 2010 at 7:51 am
fjdghghhfjh
Kaz | July 10, 2010 at 11:54 am
I hate outifet
Martina81 | July 10, 2010 at 1:31 pm
Haha! Very nice! berty
john | July 10, 2010 at 3:19 pm
happy birthday to you, Jessica
netstarman | July 10, 2010 at 3:21 pm
He shouldn’t be looking at her chest, daddy Joe has dibs on those banana boobs.
ThisIsSomeFunnyShit | July 10, 2010 at 3:50 pm
Couple points to ponder:
Do those funbags require daily inflation? Good lord, everyday they are bigger!
He is trying to hide his face. Embarrassed much? She is a human blowup doll to bang until his divorce is final. He really doesn’t like to take photos with mu-mu girl.
I guess she thought vacation in Italy = wear an Italian tablecloth. (Maybe Joe is hiding out under her folds… er.. um.. flowing mumu.
Carolyn | July 10, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Can you believe this guy went to Yale? Did she graduate from high school>
Rob from Vegas | July 10, 2010 at 11:38 pm
Sometimes a fart can be sexy.
TheBro | July 11, 2010 at 1:34 am
Seriously, this is the most random couple. I know who this guy is because I follow the NFL, but how the hell did these two meet?
Darth | July 11, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Is that a hot dog around her wrist?
Nero | July 11, 2010 at 1:55 pm
Knowing her by now,it’s most likely an inflatable dildo.
The Kath | July 11, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Why does it look like the woman behind him is going for his wallet or grabbing his ass?
gigi | July 11, 2010 at 9:48 pm
omg a CAFTAN?!?!? who is she now? Liz Taylor??? ugh… lord I hope he’s banging her silly to knock some of the layers off
yikes | July 12, 2010 at 10:54 am
It is so sad when hot chicks turn ugly.
Put those banana boobs on a scale! I’m betting 20 lbs each!