Jessica Simpson’s Only Losing A Pound A Week Now

Back in January, Jessica Simpson claimed she’s going to look like Jessica Alba after giving birth which Weight Watchers thought it’d be a great idea to bet $3 million on. It’s now been three months since Jessica’s given birth and reality finally stopped by, presumably with donuts, because welcome to the PR blitzkrieg to make it look like Jessica meant to keep looking like this on purpose. RadarOnline reports:

“Jessica is losing weight slowly,” a friend close to Maxwell Drew Johnson’s mom told
“She’s not trying to drop 10 pounds a week or anything crazy like that. She wants to do it at her own pace and make sure she’s healthy.”
Jessica hits the gym frequently with celebrity trainer Harley Paternak, and she’s a dedicated student, according to the source.
“Her goal right now is to lose one pound a week and Harley’s training program is keeping her on that schedule,” the friend said.

Even if I set aside my usual horseshit about how all women should magically snap back from childbirth like Alessandra Ambrosio and be very generous to Jessica Simpson by allowing that, okay, maybe she’s genetically predisposed to be a “bigger girl,” a weight loss plan of one pound a week is still a huge red flag that she basically went, “Fuck it, I’m just getting pregnant again.” (Or that her gym is right next to a Chili’s.) This is like an alcoholic saying, “You know what? I’m only going to drink 23 beers out of a case every morning from here on out,” and then expecting everyone to call her an inspiration to “real women” everywhere. So, you go, girl. Keep reaching for those stars, when you have time. They’re not going anywhere. Funyun?

Photos: Pacific Coast News