Jessica Simpson (Appears To Have) Lost Weight

January 7th, 2014 // 29 Comments

Barely a month ago, Jessica Simpson was sucking her gut in on a red carpet as I told her to run free and be the Chili’s girl her secretly gay father who was still legitimately obsessed with her breasts raised her to be. Except here she is on GMA this morning making this Weight Watchers thing happen through what I assume was a simple two-step process of starving herself over Christmas and squeezing into an outfit Russell Crowe‘s ghost made her in a spaceship. Anyone can do it!

Photos: Splash News

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  1. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    JC
    Commented on this photo:

    “Uh oh. Tell papa I had a Bloomin’ Onion leak again.”

  2. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    George P Burdell
    Commented on this photo:

    Those calves would produce a lot of veal.

  3. If she sat on my face and wiggled, she’d crush my head like a grape.

  4. Yes, she has lost weight. Good for her. But she’s also Spanx’ed nearly to the point she can’t breathe.

  5. Hugh G. Rection

    It’s tough being Jessica Simpson. Her sister has a better musical career and her dad gets better looking guys.

  6. Still hot. Would do.

  7. brick

    Not enough

  8. Mohawk Disco

    She needs to lose another 15-20 pounds and she’ll look good again. The hot MILF material is still there just covered up.

  9. In related news, Tyler Durden just made a hell of a lot of soap.

  10. The Cheat

    She looks better when she keeps her mouth shut.

  11. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s a fine looking woman but there’s no mistaking her for the insanely hot lithe teenaged bomshell she used to be….she’s a mom now.

  12. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    Commented on this photo:

    The best way to lose weight quickly right now is to have Kesha’s producer call you a fucking fridge. He should market that shit.

  13. Why should she give a rat’s ass what she looks like? She’s a billionaire! If I woke up tomorrow and had a billion dollars and a set of big jugs like hers, I’d stay home eating cheetohs and staring at my jugs in the mirror all day. Yeah, I’m sure she’s home crying right now – ‘Gee, I have a husband, a child, fame, and a billion dollars, but my life is nothing unless all those dipshits that have nothing to do all day except make snarky comments on gossip sites say nice things about what my ass looks like’.

    • Once again: heading a billion-dollar business ≠ “being a billionaire.” Her take from her billion-dollar-selling (sales, not profit!) clothing line might be as much as $15 million annually (after taxes, manager and legal fees, etc.).

      I love that I, the lefty progressive Commie libtard, am teaching a lesson in simple economics to schmidtler, the free-market conservative.

      http://www.forbes.com/sites/kiriblakeley/2011/02/22/no-jessica-simpson-is-not-a-billionaire/

    • Jesus Christ, go back to school and learn business, she is not a goddamn billionaire. Even if this idiot somehow 100% owned her company, when you earn a dollar that does not mean you keep a dollar. I can’t believe the amount of dumbasses out there that actually think she is a billionaire and keep parroting the same crap over and over again. Pick up a book and learn about gross profit, net profit, cost of goods sold etc etc.

      • what the fuck is the difference, she’s worth 100 million, not a billion, I understand finance just fine, neither of you retards has anything to teach me on those subjects. I read someplace one time she was worth a billion, didn’t question it, and oddly enough, had better things to do than research it since it’s not important anyway. I stand by my proposition that Jessica Simpson, with a net worth of 100 million (not a billion, my mistake) has absolutely no fucking reason at all to give one shit what any of the dimwits on snarky celebrity gossip sites thinks about her weight.

      • here’s a link for her current net worth, which for my purposes is as reliable as I need it to be.
        http://www.therichest.com/celebnetworth/celeb/singer/jessica-simpson-net-worth/

  14. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    cmonreally
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone has a double cheeseburger.

  15. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    cmonreally
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone has a double cheeseburger over there.

  16. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    You can tell by the rolls that she’s spanxed to high heavens.

  17. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    stinkfinger
    Commented on this photo:

    “Wait for it, wait for it…….RRRIIIPPP. Smell that, those new BK fries sure are yummy”.

  18. Vic Damone

    Lady Ga Ga called, she wants her wig back.

  19. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    anonym
    Commented on this photo:

    looks like she can’t breathe.

    extra tight spanx holding it all together

  20. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    Jenn
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh damn these laxatives are still goin strong! Good thing I’m wearing one of Folger’s diapers under these super Spanx.

  21. Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Spandex Dress Good Morning America
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh those upper arms bulges… The most un-toned arms ever.

  22. whatever

    Starving over Christmas, what a joy she must have been to her little babies. Nice to see she has her priorities straight…

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