Jessica Simpson Got Married

July 6th, 2014 // 12 Comments
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Because I work in celebrity gossip, I’m obligated to inform you that Jessica Simpson married Eric Johnson this weekend who apparently couldn’t content himself with buckets of child support from two kids, and had to go for the alimony, too. Somewhere, Kevin Federline just saluted by holding a chicken wing to his forehead. That being said, I’m under no obligation to bore you with blurry wedding photos taken from three states over, so here are pics from that time Jessica Simpson’s breasts looked fucking amazing. As you can see, her wedding isn’t blocking your view of them, so did I even need to bring it up? No. No, I did not.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. Urbanspaceman

    She clearly sprung for a quality boob job. They look like gravity is having it’s way with them.

  2. Cock Dr

    Both of them are thinking “Ha ha!… a ring on it, it’ll be mine forever & ever”.
    Let’s watch to see if Jess gets off the StairMaster now that she’s had her designer wedding gown People cover story photo sequence.
    Congrats you crazy kids.

    • JC

      Somewhere, 17 Awesome Blossoms and 32 orders of Babyback Ribs have just been ordered.

    • Jack Ketch

      Eric Johnson might just as well have won the Powerball Lottery for ejaculating into that uterus. What in hell does he do all day? She tried to put him to work designing men’s clothes. Fail.

  3. Roberta

    “Foreheard”? Spelling error or intentional hillbilly talk?

  4. Eric Johnson is not very ambitious but I think that’s a good thing. He doesn’t mind living off Jessica’s considerable fortune. If he had ambitions of his own, I think they would conflict with Jessica’s.

    She may have found the right guy for her, after all. I sure hope so.

    And wow, has she recovered her looks. Jessica is looking very gorgeous these days.

  5. I’m not some fancy writer with a degree from West Hollywood Upstairs Journalism school like Fish, but shouldn’t the headline read: “Jessica Simpson’s Breasts get married”??

  6. Jessica Simpson Cleavage Skinny Legs Minidress Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    Just wait about 6 months…she will blow-up like a carnival fat lady.

  7. Jessica Simpson Cleavage Skinny Legs Minidress Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    Can’t rich people walk by their fucking selves?

  8. Jessica Simpson Cleavage Skinny Legs Minidress Eric Johnson
    Kanye Breast
    Commented on this photo:

    Say what you will about her being dumb, annoying, lacking talent, potentially fat, or what ever. those tits are sugary sweet mounds of plump goodness and you know it

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