Jessica Simpson Got Married

Because I work in celebrity gossip, I’m obligated to inform you that Jessica Simpson married Eric Johnson this weekend who apparently couldn’t content himself with buckets of child support from two kids, and had to go for the alimony, too. Somewhere, Kevin Federline just saluted by holding a chicken wing to his forehead. That being said, I’m under no obligation to bore you with blurry wedding photos taken from three states over, so here are pics from that time Jessica Simpson’s breasts looked fucking amazing. As you can see, her wedding isn’t blocking your view of them, so did I even need to bring it up? No. No, I did not.

Photos: Pacific Coast News