Jessica Simpson Wants To Give Birth Looking Like A Giant Leopard/Elephant Hybrid
I just assumed Jessica Simpson’s dreams consisted of nacho cheese waterfalls and sliders with ladybug wings that fly into your mouth as you rest on a soft meadow made of baby back ribs, so imagine my surprise to learn that she sometimes dreams about clothes. And not just any clothes, but the specific outfit she wants to wear on that magical day when her vagina erupts like a fire hydrant. Via Twitter:
I just woke up from a dream that I wore a leopard caftan in the hospital. Fabulous!! Now I need to find one!
Awesome. Nothing like explaining to your child why their birth looks like a ham shooting out of a giant leopard mountain.
MAXIE: Mama, was I born in the jungle?
JESSICA: Aw, you sure do say the darndest things. Now get back in that kiddie pool full of barbecue sauce. I’ll be there in a minute to chop up some onions.
MAXIE: Yes, mama…
JESSICA: *goes back to Googling pulled pork recipes*