Jessica Simpson Wore Skinny Jeans

November 19th, 2012 // 56 Comments

“And once again, this isn’t a Fuddrucker’s. Every time…

Here’s Jessica Simpson wearing what people with vaginas tell me are “skinny jeans” which after tuning said vagina talkers out, I assume means they make your legs look thinner while doing absolutely nothing for your upper body. In fact, I’d go so far to say they make it look like you’re a marshmallow with toothpicks for legs, so I have no idea who the market it is for this. It’s not like there’s a demographic out there that will literally spend money on anything. Anything at all. Did you tape two pieces of string together and call it a pashlamina throw accent ribbon? This fictional group will take ten.

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Juch
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah sure, but they were Kirstie Alley’s skinny jeans.

  2. mrsmass

    i’m not fashion expert, but those are not skinny jeans.

    • No kidding – as far as I know, skinny jeans are straight-leg jeans that fit like strink wrap all the way down to your ankles. Since these look like they’re meant to be looser from the knee down, I think these are what’s called boot-cut jeans. Her fat calves are taking up some slack, but still.

      At least we were spared the muffin top.

    • She’s not wearing jeans at all! Her legs actually turned blue from the Spanx cutting off the circulation to the bottom half of her body.

    • inkydink

      Yeah, they are ‘flared’ jeans and she’s still chubby.

  3. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Duck86
    Commented on this photo:

    Dillards? Movin on up! To the east side…we finally got a de-lux apt in the da sky-i-i.

  4. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    She wore her skinny jeans, but still brought her fat ass.

  5. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Beatriz
    Commented on this photo:

    Lol, those are bell bottoms, NOT skinny jeans.

  6. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Juch
    Commented on this photo:

    “A stick of butter wrapped in bacon! WHERE!?!”

  7. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Juch
    Commented on this photo:

    “I can has cookie dough?”

  8. She’s getting skinnier but she’s not quite there yet. She’s looking pretty good though.

  9. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    The fan she’s signing that for just had a big KFC lunch, and she can smell it on them.
    When’s that wedding?

  10. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Ben Savage needs to go back to a shorter haircut.

  11. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She makes vapid so cute.
    Keep those knockers holstered and hoisted Jess.

  12. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Moo Cow Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    Which one here is Ashlee? The one on the left who’s 5 seconds from cutting herself or the one on the right who looks like escaped from an asylum where she was treated for being “too happy”.

  13. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Moo Cow Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    J-e-s-s-i-k-a, there. Good luck trying to wear my shoes again, Ashlee.

  14. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Moo Cow Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    Never let her near the control room of a nuclear reactor. All it takes is her bending down to look at some controls and those tits could trigger a meltdown.

  15. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone’s daydreaming about cup-cake pizza.

  16. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s nothing quite like the feeling of being the first person called to the buffet.

  17. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “I said, ‘Would you please make it out to Stacy.’ Where did you hear ‘Choco-Taco’ in any of that?”

  18. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Now if she’d only wear a pair of skinny jeans on her head.

  19. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “*sniff* *sniff* Snausages?”

  20. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Moo Cow Hunter
    Commented on this photo:

    Under normal circumstances a look like this meant Jon Hamm’s penis is in the room. But you know she’s looking at a burger.

  21. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    kimmykimkim
    Commented on this photo:

    Um, that’s a flare leg jean. Skinny jeans hug the calves and taper through the ankle. Whoever originally came up with this headline should be back handed.

  22. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    cabora
    Commented on this photo:

    These are not skinny jeans, they are bootcut jeans

  23. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Jade
    Commented on this photo:

    Those aren’t skinny jeans.

  24. The Royal Penis

    They may be skinny jeans, but she’s still hiding her fat ass.

  25. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    clearly a flared leg jean. also – she’s looking great. now she just needs to do something with the hair.

  26. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    She and Britney keep sporting the greasy, stringy blonde extensions look. I don’t get it.

    • Sliver

      That’s what happens when you bend over a plate of chicken-fried steak and gravy all the time and don’t wash your hair.

  27. Edod

    That marshmallowness you talked of, I think that’s the size of her tits making the shirt billow out farther than her body.

  28. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow, that is the most enthusiastic photographer ever.

  29. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Bionic_Crouton
    Commented on this photo:

    Done with mirrors.

  30. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    NOMNOM1
    Commented on this photo:

    That arrow has some astounding gravitational pull. Or it’s pointing to the nearest IHOP.

  31. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    NOMNOM1
    Commented on this photo:

    I…smell…bacon!!!

  32. EDDIE HITLER

    Only in this fucking country is it considered to be some kind of victory to be admired and applauded that a fat fucking celeb idiot lost some god damn weight.

    This is supposed to be a role model? This vacant stared slack jawed fatass never-been?

  33. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Dangles the Wonder Mule
    Commented on this photo:

    I just want to see her tits……….

  34. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Dangles the Wonder Mule
    Commented on this photo:

    I just want to see the boobies ! ! ! ! ! ! !

  35. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Dangles the Wonder Mule
    Commented on this photo:

    I just want them, both of those gigundo norks in my mouth !

  36. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    celebsloveme
    Commented on this photo:

    Not skinny jeans. Are their vaginas broken?

  37. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    jovigirl73
    Commented on this photo:

    She needs to fire her stylist.This outfit does nothing but make her look larger. The week before she looked amazing and much smaller.. That being said-She is a beautiful women no matter what her size. She clearly is uncomfortable with the extra weight, if you view the gallery of photos from her “photo shot” you can cleary see, ie pulling tugging if the shirt. People should just let her be and give her time to figure out what she is comfortable with.

  38. Liv

    i should probably be offended by the demographic link but that shit is funny.

  39. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Natty Ice
    Commented on this photo:

    She always looks confused, like as if someone asked her how they get the cream in the middle of the two oreo cookies.

  40. Pam

    She really needs to kiss and make up with Ken Paves. Her hair has looked like crap ever since he kicked her to the curb.

  41. Leah

    she looks good, but those look like boot cut

  42. Mario Starr

    She’s getting back to the point where I’d actually pound her out again.

  43. So when did Lane Bryant start making skinny jeans?

  44. abracabra

    urgh .
    fat people are so fucking gross.
    shAME SHE USED TO BE ALMOST PERFECT ..NOT ANYMORE THO

  45. Sliver

    I know, that, as a woman, I should be angry, but this post was fucking comedy gold.

  46. me!

    Superficial writer, those are not skinny jeans. Now, stop pretending that women speak to you

  47. Jessica Simpson Skinny Jeans Cleavage
    Tina
    Commented on this photo:

    Her boobs are so damn big, she has to rest them on the table. I would be going to the dr to have those implants removed!

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