Jessica Simpson Wore Skinny Jeans

“And once again, this isn’t a Fuddrucker’s. Every time…

Here’s Jessica Simpson wearing what people with vaginas tell me are “skinny jeans” which after tuning said vagina talkers out, I assume means they make your legs look thinner while doing absolutely nothing for your upper body. In fact, I’d go so far to say they make it look like you’re a marshmallow with toothpicks for legs, so I have no idea who the market it is for this. It’s not like there’s a demographic out there that will literally spend money on anything. Anything at all. Did you tape two pieces of string together and call it a pashlamina throw accent ribbon? This fictional group will take ten.

Photos: Splash News