Jessica Simpson Should Never Stop Being Pregnant

March 20th, 2012 // 138 Comments
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Jessica Simpson Pregnant
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Without even counting the fact she looks like someone gave a house legs and made it walk in galoshes, Jessica Simpson‘s pregnancy has already shut off what minimal filter she has in her brain and yielded us such comments about how she’s a sex-crazy mountain gorilla who constantly hurls herself at Eric Johnson whenever they’re not one step away from naming their unborn daughter Tampon Fartsingpants Mya Johnson. So here she is on Jimmy Kimmel LIVE! last night where she revealed she constantly has to tell people she’s not having multiples, her vagina’s simply getting ready to hose down an entire delivery room. Via Us Weekly:

“I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha!” Simpson laughed. “Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks it will be like a fire hydrant!”

In related news, somewhere there’s an OB-GYN holding a catcher’s mitt in front of a fire hydrant yelling, “Okay, honey, open her up then drop the ham when I say go. I’m going to try and catch it from the side this time. Ready… GO! And, shit, right into Ted’s car again. Dammit.”

Photos: INFdaily

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  1. I hope her water doesn’t break in the car, or she’ll drown all of them.

  2. anonym

    after seeing her interview with kimmel, i think she’s very nice, and the comments we are making are very mean.

    But daaaamn. I can already feel the earth shake when I look at these pictures.

  3. Judas Iscariot

    OMFG! It’s BABA YAGA’S HUT!!!!

  4. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    ET Phone Home
    Commented on this photo:

    she saw her reflection?

  5. hahahahaha holy fuck shes huge. push her onto her back she wont be able to get up and be wavin around like a turtle. bahaha

  6. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    shes a fat ass

  7. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Another Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    Snookie in two months

  8. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Another Mike
    Commented on this photo:

    she has cleavage on her ankles

  9. You people are Ignorant and Insensitive she’s carrying access amniotic fluid which can be very dangerous for both mother and baby. your basically wishing she lose her baby without saying it. the press would never leave her alone if that did happen and it’s a heartache that never goes away

    • Umm...

      Courtney, please fuck off and stop spamming every site with your shit.
      Oh, and learn to spell.
      Thanks.

    • Courtney, polyhydramnios doesn’t cause you to look like you just ate Cleveland for an appetizer.

      And while your mother’s pet name for you is “a heartache that never goes away” there’s no reason for you to constantly overshare. Fuck off and troll somewhere else, you suck at it.

  10. Yoda Mann

    Shouldn’t she have Princess Leia chained up somewhere in a metal bikini?

  11. Ino77

    Bunch of guys making fun of a pregnant woman? how sad you all are and how fast you’ve all forgotten where you came from.

  12. Mark B

    Looks like she ate Batman. wach wach wach

  13. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    KickNdaJunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Even her boot laces are bursting under that pressure.

    • KickNdaJunk

      Seriously though, that guy just hit the mother-load of paydays. She’s pregnant, there not even married yet. No pre-nump. I wouldn’t sign shit if I was him.

      • He didn’t hit shit – not unless she dies after giiving birth. Because they’re not married there’s no legal presumption he’s the father, and if he can prove it in court he still gets no monetary benefits, like spousal support, if they break up. On the contrary, regardless of what she’s worth, he’d probably be on the hook for some amount of child support for the next 18 years. And after one failed marriage, no way is Papa Joe gonna let her get married again without a prenup.

  14. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    a;kjdflajs
    Commented on this photo:

    how many kids is she having? 5!?

  15. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Melissa
    Commented on this photo:

    “What do you mean there’s no KFC nearby?”

  16. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    mbcl
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s got those rubber boots on in case her water breaks

  17. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    mbcl
    Commented on this photo:

    “Does this tarpolin make me look fat ?

  18. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    audrey
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she a midget? or an oompaloompa…

  19. Clown Shoes

    “This just in: Jessica Simpson To Sign With Weight Watchers As Spokesperson after the baby drops. Kool-Aid Execs suing Jessica for backing out of her contract as their new spokesperson.” OH YEAH!

  20. you people are a sack of shit Jessica happens to be carrying excess amnitoic fluid which can lead to defects in the baby and even death. she’s too tall to be considered a midget a midget is less than 4ft 8in and Jessica is 5ft 3 1/2in and besides she’s carrying a baby that might way 10lbs at birth so was going to look huge eighter way

  21. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    vgirly
    Commented on this photo:

    Looks painful.

  22. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey dumbasses SHE IS PREGNANT!! Soon to give birth. Have you not heard of fuckin water retention?? Obviously not. Morons!

    • elephantman

      Well she must be retaining a lake then!

    • Kellie

      That’s not water retention. That’s fat, as evidence by all the quotes of her talking about eating buttered poptarts and fried oreos. She is obviously using her pregnancy as an excuse to act like a pig, and is consequently starting to look like one. Many pregnant women are able to stay slim during pregnancy (since you’re only supposed to gain about 25 pounds, generally), and not put their baby’s life in danger at the same time. Stop making excuses for women to completely let themselves go just because they decided not to get an abortion.

  23. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s the best-dressed bag lady I’ve ever seen

  24. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    moopy
    Commented on this photo:

    the lady seniors are having a good old laugh at her

  25. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    From that scene in “A New Hope” where they used a stand-in to play Jabba the Hutt.

  26. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Rachel
    Commented on this photo:

    Obviously it’s a bunch of males who are commenting on Jessica Simpsons pregnancy body. Hey guys…you wish your girlfriends were as hot as Jessica. Only a bunch of unattractive low self-esteem boys would spew such stupidity. Where are the real men?

  27. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Commented on this photo:

    it’s nice to see the mom from “what’s eating gilbert grape” out and about.

  28. Randal

    Jessica’s radiant pregnant glow is evident here as I’ve never witnessed a more stunning view of her on this site! She’s looks better everyday; just like the spring sunshine she seems to be basking in. I bet her baby is going to be a shining bundle of joy and look just like the glorious mother she was born from. Good luck Jessica. We all love you and think you’re beautiful.

  29. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Xxoo
    Commented on this photo:

    Somewhere in McDonaldland, Grimace just got a boner.

  30. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    lilybeth
    Commented on this photo:

    Good God people, you obviously have not been pregnant. Regardless of what they show on TV as “pregnancy” (or what Beyonce tried to pass off as pregnancy), many women carry baby weight all over their body. Your hormones signal the body to begin storing fat anywhere and everywhere it can – even if you only gain the recommended amount of weight (25-25 lbs). The reason is so that once you give birth, you have extra fat stores so you can breastfeed. It is basic human biology. I didn’t gain much when I was pregnant, but like JS, it spread everywhere. Even my nose looked bigger, it was weird. Stop putting her down and calling her fat. She is carrying a baby – I’m sure she’ll lose it in time and be back to her old body. Grow up, FFS.

  31. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    Julie
    Commented on this photo:

    when i was pegnant i gained alot of weight!!! I was huge…Jessica is bigger than i was. She is gonna be so sad when she gives birth and then realizes that only 15-20 lbs, came off. She looks like she gained 100 lbs. serious. It was hard but i got it all off and then some in less than 9 months.

  32. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    topanga
    Commented on this photo:

    excuse me, sir, you can’t park that van here.

  33. Jessica Simpson Pregnant
    sandra
    Commented on this photo:

    i only gained 22 lbs during my pregnancy and that was hard on me being 5’3 . I could only imagine how she must feel, poor thing

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