Jessica Simpson Should Never Stop Being Pregnant

Without even counting the fact she looks like someone gave a house legs and made it walk in galoshes, Jessica Simpson’s pregnancy has already shut off what minimal filter she has in her brain and yielded us such comments about how she’s a sex-crazy mountain gorilla who constantly hurls herself at Eric Johnson whenever they’re not one step away from naming their unborn daughter Tampon Fartsingpants Mya Johnson. So here she is on Jimmy Kimmel LIVE! last night where she revealed she constantly has to tell people she’s not having multiples, her vagina’s simply getting ready to hose down an entire delivery room. Via Us Weekly:

“I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha!” Simpson laughed. “Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks it will be like a fire hydrant!”

In related news, somewhere there’s an OB-GYN holding a catcher’s mitt in front of a fire hydrant yelling, “Okay, honey, open her up then drop the ham when I say go. I’m going to try and catch it from the side this time. Ready… GO! And, shit, right into Ted’s car again. Dammit.”

Photos: INFdaily