Perhaps because her life has become a dark, desolate cage thanks to a lack of corn syrup and Funyuns, Jessica Simpson has become one of America’s deepest philosophers now even though these photos of her shopping at GaGa’s Workshop last night are basically the equivalent of shoving her head up her vagina and screaming “FUCK YOU!” into her unborn baby’s face. Via Just Jared:
“People always say that when you’re pregnant, you glow, but I say it’s because of all the sweating you do!”
What’s truly amazing about that quote is the fact that the very next sentence somehow wasn’t this:
[SNOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRTT.]
Journalism used to be an art. That’s all I’m saying.
Photos: Splash News
what a pig. I hope she dies during child birth. Too harsh??
Er, not so much, no. Although she’s a tad easier to take than the Kardashians … about the same IQ, though, that of a turd with eyeballs.
yeah, I guess if I had a choice, I’d rather have the Kardashians dead.
2 years is an awfully long time to be pregnant. who is she kidding anyway?
she’s an elephant
Yeah, 2 years is normal for elephants. Saw it on Animal Planet so its true.
The glasses, the faux fur, the huge purse . . she’s really jumping ahead into middle-aged housewife. Just a note to whichever guy she is with at the moment.
The guy she’s with has no job, lol, as you know. I think the airhead just so desperately wants to be married. What’s funny is that she likes “intellectual guys.” And yet has the IQ of a rock, and while I’m at it, the homeless people downtown have more fashion sense than this twat.
She’s looking for an intellectual guy, but let’s be honest, what intellectual guy could stand being married to a complete moron? Tell me that if you married say… Nikola Tesla to Kendra Wilkinson, he would murder her in her sleep after about a week.
Tesla would’ve used her to invent the first electric sex doll (DC-powered, of course). Then he would’ve killed her—but using AC, so he could pin the rap on Thomas Edison.
Eating KFC straight out of the fryer does make one sweat!
You should never blow air into a pregnant woman’s vagina, due to the risk of a placental air embolism.
So if you are into that — stop now.
*The more you know*
Yes! The doctor is in!
Wanna know who’s sweating? Restaurant owners. “Have you heard? She’s eating for TWO! Tear down the banners advertising the all-you-can-eat special, from now on it’s pay-as-you-go. We’re through the looking glass here, people…”
I get my glow from sweat, and I get my scent from farting!
And not brushing her teeth
Sweat and Bacon Grease!
I want her big pregnant butt to rip a loud wet fart that leaves a stain on my forehead.
She is truly an American princess. A fat, sweaty, gassy princess.
Does anyone have video of Jessica Simpson having sex with Jermaine Jackson? That would be something.
“And pepperamaroni’s!”
“I don’t understand. Where’s the purple dinosaur at?”
Looks like Heidi and Spencer need to start a diet.