Jessica Simpson Told To Stop Eating Junk Food, Will Probably Die
When you’re pregnant, the amount of things that can go wrong are so terrifying and depressing that to mention them here would kill all the jokes I’m going to make about Jessica Simpson suffering through what has to be the worst possible news she could hear during her pregnancy. Via Hollybaby:
[H]er pregnancy has been so difficult that doctors even gave 31-year-old Jessica a stern warning — no more junk food or you’ll hurt the baby!
“They beg her to ease off, but so far she has not been able to help herself,” a friend revealed to OK!. “Everything she eats is highly processed with chemicals and preservatives, white flour and sugar.” Jessica’s been known to love her junk food, but now that she’s pregnant she has an excuse to it her favorite treats (check out below for a step-by-step look at her cravings).
“Her mom and sister Ashlee tell her that all those chemicals are bad for the baby, but she won’t listen,” the insider added. “Jessica has always loved to eat; almost to the point of addiction. Jessica’s drug of choice is food and has been since she was a little kid.”
I’m pretty sure Jessica Simpson has no clue what an abortion is, but it’s hard to believe she’s not frantically lumbering in a tizzy. “Is there an ‘off’ button to this baby? Because I was promised a cement truck full of Tastykakes funneling into my face. What if I sucked it out with a vacuum? I swear I’ll put it back in! Oh, God. *picks up phone* Daddy, I’m ready to do that mouth stuff. But it’ll cost ya. — That’s right, ALL the E. L. Fudge…”