As promised, here’s Jessica Simpson at best friend CaCee Cobb and Donald Faison‘s wedding on Saturday where Zach Braff clearly got shafted with the unenviable task of making sure no one got slathered in barbecue sauce and eaten behind a woodshed. On that note, we captioned the jowls out of this gallery because almost every shot was golden plus it kept me from going on a long-winded rant about gun control, so you all better cherish the laughter which shouldn’t be too hard considering the obese are nature’s jester. Dig in.
Click Here To Start The Gallery
Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily
is that woman back there a ghost?
Yes. The ghost of Susan Sontag.
She looks happier than a witch in a broom factory.
amy winehouse
I think I’m more concerned with Frankenstein’s Monster and his Bride in the background than Jessica getting fed like a baby bird.
peter boyle and amy winehouse
At least she turned away before burping up Chili’s entire lunch menu.
(BTW, would it have been too much to ask for someone to rake the fucking grass before this thing?)
idiot
go away
“You stored the sauce where now?! BLARF”
They’re all afraid they’ll get eaten if they make eye contact.
Debating whether getting Jessica instead of Lindsay for the wedding was the correct gamble. Sure, she may not steal the silverware but you need five times the normal food budget.
I haven’t seen this many black people in one place since I left Texas. I used to go to this tiny All You Can Eat ribs place until someone said the N word and I never went back.
The N Word? How sad.
I know. “No More Ribs left”… I was heartbroken. Luckily, there was a Steak and Shake down the block. BTW, are you going to eat that?
You mean the food I’m chewing on?
LOL!
You’re an idiot
“When I heard the pregnant walrus was comin’ to the wedding, I just told the gardener not to bother raking. I said ‘Just cover the leaves in chocolate and ol’ Monster Boobs’ll take care of the rest.’”
“I see more o’ those chocolate covered mint leaves! Zach, help me round ‘em up!”
Get Dr. Cox! We’ve got a mutated pumpkin over here!
“Mmmm, that redhead’s ribs are delicious”
“Look scrawny and not delicious, look scrawny and not delicious, look scrawny and not delicious”
shut up
see previous comment
Run man! Run for your life!
Well judging from the after pics right behind, she eventually does lose weight.
Sucking on a chicken bone…what an amateur.
Looking hella pissed about Eric Johnson eating the wing he was supposed to safekeep for her.
get a life
“Save me…please…”
get fucked
“Where’s Ashlee? Funny you should ask…”
“That Zach Braff has gone to the restroom you say? Interesting…”
Z
*Zach is valiantly trying to escape, but her T-Rex claws are dug in deep.
“That lamp. Me eat it.”
“BUT I WANNA EAT THE CHOCOLATE MEN!!!”
It’s the black dude hanging his head in shame.
attention ladies and gentlemen- lets all take a moment to thank jessica simpson for saving and sharing her home made recipe for placenta pie for all of us to experience. thank you jessica!
You’re lame
Oh wow, Eric Johnson actually put on a suit, lol. Gawd, he looks like he has SUCH a personality … not.
Who’s the Bride of Frankenstein back there?
Jesus Christ, Photoboy. You killed it on this one. {:vD
Does Eric Johnson do anything besides fuck Jessica Simpson?
I don’t think so, no. Same with Dean McDermott. Leech onto a rich meal ticket and you’ve basically won the lottery.
She already looks like she’s 5-6 months pregnant here, they sure didn’t wait long!
stupid
Eric: Honey, the woman I hired to make you look better by comparison has arrived.
Jessica: Oh! She has a hotter bod, but I appreciate the thought. Now regurgitate the contents of your stomach for me again.
loser
>it kept me from going on a long-winded rant about gun control
We dodged a bullet there.
That’s sweet, Cher accepted an invitation. It’s good to see her out and about.
get a life
die
You spent all day on these captions? Pretty weak guys.
That was shit. Seriously. Leave the captioning to the professionals.
And sober the fuck up!
why is she wearing a giant black curtain while the other bridesmaids wear actual bridesmaid dresses?
It’s the ghost of a woman who died from hunger during the Jessica Simpson Wedding Famine (’12).
Groom realizes he needs to consummate the marriage…
Is it just my comp that doesn’t show all the captions properly, or does someone else have problems, too? In this one, the last line is hidden below the photos, and in several others the first one or three words are blurred together.
Also, if I click the “next” arrow here, the website tilts and the next gallery won’t start.
The couch. Is it the couch?
I love fat women . You can hold onto so many curves during sex.An extra benefits is eating the food they eat as you have sex.