Jessica Simpson In ‘The Hungry Bridesmaid’:
A Superficial Caption Gallery

December 17th, 2012 // 58 Comments

As promised, here’s Jessica Simpson at best friend CaCee Cobb and Donald Faison‘s wedding on Saturday where Zach Braff clearly got shafted with the unenviable task of making sure no one got slathered in barbecue sauce and eaten behind a woodshed. On that note, we captioned the jowls out of this gallery because almost every shot was golden plus it kept me from going on a long-winded rant about gun control, so you all better cherish the laughter which shouldn’t be too hard considering the obese are nature’s jester. Dig in.

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photos: Fame/Flynet, INFdaily

superficial

  1. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    USDA Prime McBeef
    Commented on this photo:

    is that woman back there a ghost?

  2. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    nomnomnom
    Commented on this photo:

    I think I’m more concerned with Frankenstein’s Monster and his Bride in the background than Jessica getting fed like a baby bird.

  3. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    At least she turned away before burping up Chili’s entire lunch menu.

    (BTW, would it have been too much to ask for someone to rake the fucking grass before this thing?)

  4. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “You stored the sauce where now?! BLARF”

  5. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    They’re all afraid they’ll get eaten if they make eye contact.

  6. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Debating whether getting Jessica instead of Lindsay for the wedding was the correct gamble. Sure, she may not steal the silverware but you need five times the normal food budget.

  7. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    I haven’t seen this many black people in one place since I left Texas. I used to go to this tiny All You Can Eat ribs place until someone said the N word and I never went back.

    The N Word? How sad.

    I know. “No More Ribs left”… I was heartbroken. Luckily, there was a Steak and Shake down the block. BTW, are you going to eat that?

    You mean the food I’m chewing on?

  8. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    ThisWillHurt
    Commented on this photo:

    “When I heard the pregnant walrus was comin’ to the wedding, I just told the gardener not to bother raking. I said ‘Just cover the leaves in chocolate and ol’ Monster Boobs’ll take care of the rest.’”
    “I see more o’ those chocolate covered mint leaves! Zach, help me round ‘em up!”

  9. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Get Dr. Cox! We’ve got a mutated pumpkin over here!

  10. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “Mmmm, that redhead’s ribs are delicious”

  11. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “Look scrawny and not delicious, look scrawny and not delicious, look scrawny and not delicious”

  12. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Run man! Run for your life!

  13. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Well judging from the after pics right behind, she eventually does lose weight.

  14. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Toe Jam
    Commented on this photo:

    Sucking on a chicken bone…what an amateur.

  15. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Looking hella pissed about Eric Johnson eating the wing he was supposed to safekeep for her.

  16. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “Save me…please…”

  17. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “Where’s Ashlee? Funny you should ask…”

  18. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Joe Simpson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “That Zach Braff has gone to the restroom you say? Interesting…”

  19. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    Z

  20. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    *Zach is valiantly trying to escape, but her T-Rex claws are dug in deep.

  21. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “That lamp. Me eat it.”

  22. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Happy_Evil_Dude
    Commented on this photo:

    “BUT I WANNA EAT THE CHOCOLATE MEN!!!”

  23. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s the black dude hanging his head in shame.

  24. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    zomgbie
    Commented on this photo:

    attention ladies and gentlemen- lets all take a moment to thank jessica simpson for saving and sharing her home made recipe for placenta pie for all of us to experience. thank you jessica!

  25. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh wow, Eric Johnson actually put on a suit, lol. Gawd, he looks like he has SUCH a personality … not.

  26. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Kisses4Katie
    Commented on this photo:

    Who’s the Bride of Frankenstein back there?

  27. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Commented on this photo:

    Jesus Christ, Photoboy. You killed it on this one. {:vD

  28. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Carolyn
    Commented on this photo:

    Does Eric Johnson do anything besides fuck Jessica Simpson?

  29. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Jentilly
    Commented on this photo:

    She already looks like she’s 5-6 months pregnant here, they sure didn’t wait long!

  30. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Rubberduckylove
    Commented on this photo:

    Eric: Honey, the woman I hired to make you look better by comparison has arrived.
    Jessica: Oh! She has a hotter bod, but I appreciate the thought. Now regurgitate the contents of your stomach for me again.

  31. Mike Walker

    >it kept me from going on a long-winded rant about gun control

    We dodged a bullet there.

  32. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s sweet, Cher accepted an invitation. It’s good to see her out and about.

  33. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Commented on this photo:

    get a life

  34. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Commented on this photo:

    die

  35. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Commented on this photo:

    You spent all day on these captions? Pretty weak guys.

  36. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    SW - Drunkard?
    Commented on this photo:

    That was shit. Seriously. Leave the captioning to the professionals.

    And sober the fuck up!

  37. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    mrsmass
    Commented on this photo:

    why is she wearing a giant black curtain while the other bridesmaids wear actual bridesmaid dresses?

  38. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Fruity Booty
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s the ghost of a woman who died from hunger during the Jessica Simpson Wedding Famine (’12).

  39. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Zach Braff CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    bo
    Commented on this photo:

    Groom realizes he needs to consummate the marriage…

  40. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Tinka
    Commented on this photo:

    Is it just my comp that doesn’t show all the captions properly, or does someone else have problems, too? In this one, the last line is hidden below the photos, and in several others the first one or three words are blurred together.

    Also, if I click the “next” arrow here, the website tilts and the next gallery won’t start.

  41. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    KtothaJ
    Commented on this photo:

    The couch. Is it the couch?

  42. Jessica Simpson Bridesmaid Eric Johnson CaCee Cobb Donald Faison Wedding
    Commented on this photo:

    I love fat women . You can hold onto so many curves during sex.An extra benefits is eating the food they eat as you have sex.

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