Thanks to gaining exactly 876 pounds before and after her pregnancy, Weight Watchers was forced to shoot Jessica Simpson‘s first commercial from the neck up as part of her $3 million deal which will now be referred to as the stupidest fucking bet in the history of ever. Because just as she was starting to lose weight, Eric Johnson’s unprotected penis ejaculated into her ovulating lady business rocketing her back into the warm, fuzzy embrace of eating M&Ms and mac & cheese until her foot falls off. Us Magazine reports:
“They’re furious at Jessica,” says the source of the star, who has a $4 million deal to shed to the pounds.
The source adds, “She was already on thin ice with them since she didn’t lose enough for a the first ad, when they had to shoot from the waist up.”
As a result, Simpson’s second campaign — celebrating a 70-pound loss — may not air. “They don’t think it can run,” the source explains. “No one wants to hear about a pregnant woman dieting.”
Of course, if Weight Watchers plays their cards right, they can make lemonade out of deep-fried lemons by simply changing the tagline to, “Weight Watchers: Hey, if it doesn’t work, then you’re just a dumb, fat retard like Jessica Simpson,” and watching as women everywhere immediately diet their dicks off. “I’m nothing like her, you hear me? NOTHING! Gimme that fucking broccoli.”