Here’s Jessica Simpson in New York today where she’s getting ready to make her big post-baby body reveal and trying to build up suspense by wearing a dress with a built-in gut curtain. (Do dresses have that? Despite my appreciation for ruggedly handsome penises, I swear I’m not a chick, so I wouldn’t know.) A move that probably would’ve worked had she not kept going to the same exact gym where the same exact paparazzi take the same exact pictures of her, but then again, we’re not exactly dealing with a ninja here. She probably covers her face with her hands whenever she raids the cookie jar and thinks she’s invisible. “Haha! You fools will never know I was here.” *walks into china cabinet*
Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN
hey ya there stubby!
**WARNING!!** Spanx at full capacity!
There’s definitely some weird XL5 shit going on here. That arm. That shiny face. You kind of expect Ronery Kim Jong-il to come out of the limo too.
The bag is big enough to put a Range Rover in !
Bag makes her look smaller , along with a much taller boyfriend. This is like a bad Saturday Night Live skit .
She was afraid to show an ounce of fat in case douches like YOU have something to say about it….as usual.
Her Spanx deserve a Nobel Prize for services to humanity.
or Lap-Band