Jessica Simpson: Master of Deception

September 10th, 2012 // 81 Comments
Jessica Simpson Can't Jog
Jessica Simpson
Her Boobs Are Too Big Read More »

Here’s Jessica Simpson in New York today where she’s getting ready to make her big post-baby body reveal and trying to build up suspense by wearing a dress with a built-in gut curtain. (Do dresses have that? Despite my appreciation for ruggedly handsome penises, I swear I’m not a chick, so I wouldn’t know.) A move that probably would’ve worked had she not kept going to the same exact gym where the same exact paparazzi take the same exact pictures of her, but then again, we’re not exactly dealing with a ninja here. She probably covers her face with her hands whenever she raids the cookie jar and thinks she’s invisible. “Haha! You fools will never know I was here.” *walks into china cabinet*

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Jessica Simpson Tight Dress Eric Johnson
    Next....
    Commented on this photo:

    hey ya there stubby!

  2. Jessica Simpson Tight Dress Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    **WARNING!!** Spanx at full capacity!

  3. Jessica Simpson Tight Dress Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    There’s definitely some weird XL5 shit going on here. That arm. That shiny face. You kind of expect Ronery Kim Jong-il to come out of the limo too.

  4. Jessica Simpson Tight Dress Eric Johnson
    Doug MacKay
    Commented on this photo:

    The bag is big enough to put a Range Rover in !

  5. Jessica Simpson Tight Dress Eric Johnson
    Stuart Goldbloom
    Commented on this photo:

    Bag makes her look smaller , along with a much taller boyfriend. This is like a bad Saturday Night Live skit .

  6. Jessica Simpson Tight Dress Eric Johnson
    anonymous
    Commented on this photo:

    She was afraid to show an ounce of fat in case douches like YOU have something to say about it….as usual.

  7. Jessica Simpson Tight Dress Eric Johnson
    Commented on this photo:

    Her Spanx deserve a Nobel Prize for services to humanity.

Leave A Comment