Jessica Simpson: Master of Deception

Here’s Jessica Simpson in New York today where she’s getting ready to make her big post-baby body reveal and trying to build up suspense by wearing a dress with a built-in gut curtain. (Do dresses have that? Despite my appreciation for ruggedly handsome penises, I swear I’m not a chick, so I wouldn’t know.) A move that probably would’ve worked had she not kept going to the same exact gym where the same exact paparazzi take the same exact pictures of her, but then again, we’re not exactly dealing with a ninja here. She probably covers her face with her hands whenever she raids the cookie jar and thinks she’s invisible. “Haha! You fools will never know I was here.” *walks into china cabinet*

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFdaily Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN