So Here’s Jessica Simpson In A Penis Mask

January 19th, 2012 // 59 Comments

If you’re mind is even capable of processing words right now, ginormously pregnant Jessica Simpson was at a bachelorette party over the weekend and apparently decided to compensate for not being able to drink her usual 800 margaritas by tweeting a photo of herself in a giant, grotesque penis mask complete with testicles for a chin. Even more surprising, not a speck of barbecue sauce she posted this on Sunday, yet somehow it took the Internet until yesterday to notice, so obviously I blame all the SOPA hoopla. Yes, the very fabric of the Internet is in danger, but can we at least try to stay focused on celebrities wearing huge cocks for a face? Otherwise, what are we even fighting for?

h/t Buzzfeed

Photos: Twitter, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN


  1. Stupid is as Stupid is

    She’s got a billion dollars. Her friends that made her the cock face could have at least made it a pretty cock face.

  2. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Cant Fap To This
    Commented on this photo:

    Almost saw the tits.

  3. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Commented on this photo:

    Has she always had that “thing” by her eye???

  4. Carles

    Does she have a giant sty on her right eye?


    This is what Jessica Simpson looks like “Without Make-up!”–She is just trying to top Snooki! Who posted a picture of herself Without Make-up Yesterday

  6. Deacon Jones

    “Well, if it isn’t Lone Starr. And his sidekick, Puke.”
    “Barf, Puke, Whateva!”

  7. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    The Rim Gaper
    Commented on this photo:

    more disturbing than the mask is that boil under her eye…wow, pregnancy has really effed her up

  8. Nicole

    What’s with the giant mole under her eye? Are we sure this is her?

  9. Cock Dr

    Of course this is Jess Simpson. Of course it is.
    Just look at that easy to ID enormous upraised mole under the eye. Yup, that’s her.

  10. dinosaurland

    Way to ruin cock for me, Jessica. Just like you ruined pop music and The Dukes of Hazzard. IS NOTHING SACRED TO YOU?

  11. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s not Jessica Simpson. That’s her old assistant Cacee Cobb.

  12. Lala

    That’s Cacee Cobb, her best friend. Cacee is the one who has that mole under her right eye.

  13. DeucePickle

    Well, It’s like my great grandpappy used to say, “Sometimes you’re the cock, sometimes you’re the balls.”
    Sometimes you’re Jessica Simpson.

  14. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Commented on this photo:

    that doesn’t look like a penis and that doest look like jessica either (no tits)

  15. Oogidyboogidy

    Fatty fat fat-fat fatty fatty fat-fat.

  16. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s clearly not Jessica, if it was those chin-balls would be comfortably resting on her tit-shelf.

  17. Whoever that is, they should consult a doctor. That’s the worst case of cock-faced rosacea I’ve ever seen.

  18. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Commented on this photo:

    Time for a correction, since that’s obviously not Jessica Simpson.

  19. FishBone

    “Hello. My name is John Merrick”

  20. “It’s a trap!”

  21. Richard McBeef

    Chaz Bono prototype v1.1

  22. Techman

    She’s wearing a mask?

  23. Steelerchick

    Looks like the Dick caught some kind of warts,

  24. PBrand

    Im pretty sure she has a testicle growing on her right eye…. wtf is that?

  25. Moley Mole Mole Mole

    Bitch is wearing a dick on her face all anyone sees is the eye mole.

  26. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Sir Prize
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s not Jessica Simpson it’s Owen Wilson.

  27. Enidaj

    That’s her friend, Cacee. She has a very distinctive mole under her eye.

  28. elephantman

    The mole doesn’t show up in the other pictures

  29. dude!

    Fish: Jealous you much?

  30. Tomcat

    OMG I know what I’m getting wifee for her birthday!

  31. Some Guy

    What a dick head

  32. Is that Rocky Dennis?

  33. doctor snuggles

    I know it’s hard but try to smile.

  34. catapostrophe

    It seems the part about “Jessica Simpson tweeting a photo” is correct; but the “of herself” part ought to be retracted.

    Eh, “Fish”?

  35. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Gucci Oni
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d pay Jessica Simpson $25 to do a bukkake movie. That’s easy money for a pregnant girl nobody wants to look at

  36. SFRowGuy

    I always thought she had her head shoved up her ass. Now we know why. I just never thought she could be that limber.

  37. catapostrophe

    Again: the photo is not of Jessica Simpson.

  38. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Commented on this photo:

    Is this another one of the “Snookie with no makeup” pictures?

  39. “Hello Jessica? It’s Ryan Seacrest, how’s the pregnancy going? Yaha, aha, aha, listen shut up. Jules and I want to try some erotic cosplay and I want her to wear that penishead you have – just for LOLs cause I’m totes straight and shit. Where can I get 5? Do the balls come in different sizes? Can I provide a model?”

  40. annie

    Well, she has a huge Dom Woganowsi cyst on her eyeball lid. I’d wear a mask too.

  41. Lara

    That’s her friend Kacee. I’m pretty sure.

  42. You know how they say you start to resemble the person you are with most? I’m thinking she needs to spend less time with daddy…

  43. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Commented on this photo:

    that eye mole belongs to cacee cobb and jessicas boobs are way bigger

  44. Sarah

    That’s Cacee Cobb

  45. yigg

    good grief NSFL pls thanks

  46. catapostrophe

    That’s not Jessica Simpson.

  47. Jessica Simpson Penis Mask
    Commented on this photo:

    The title of this story is purposefully misleading. Why?

  48. anonymous

    If it’s not her, she should invest in her own penis mask and wear it regularly. It would be an improvement as it would cover her bloated man face and many chins.

  49. lol

    Its not Jessica she retweeted Cacee Cobb & its Cacee wearing the mask. JUst goes to show how crap starts & people don’t read before creating blogs. Jess is also very pregnant & those are not her boobs. your all to quick to judge.

  50. anonymous

    If it’s Cacee, then she should take off the mask and give it to Jessica. Cacee is hot and Jessica is an ugly man face whose looks would greatly improve by wearing a penis mask 24 hours a day.

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