If you’re mind is even capable of processing words right now, ginormously pregnant Jessica Simpson was at a bachelorette party over the weekend and apparently decided to compensate for not being able to drink her usual 800 margaritas by tweeting a photo of herself in a giant, grotesque penis mask complete with testicles for a chin. Even more surprising, not a speck of barbecue sauce she posted this on Sunday, yet somehow it took the Internet until yesterday to notice, so obviously I blame all the SOPA hoopla. Yes, the very fabric of the Internet is in danger, but can we at least try to stay focused on celebrities wearing huge cocks for a face? Otherwise, what are we even fighting for?
h/t Buzzfeed
Photos: Twitter, INFdaily, Splash News, WENN
She’s got a billion dollars. Her friends that made her the cock face could have at least made it a pretty cock face.
Pregnant sex is the BEST!!
Especially with a billionaire!
Almost saw the tits.
Has she always had that “thing” by her eye???
Does she have a giant sty on her right eye?
That’s what I saw too…it’s not part of the mask. Blech.
Eww yeah! She’s growing a third eyeball! That’s way worse than that fetching mask!
This is what Jessica Simpson looks like “Without Make-up!”–She is just trying to top Snooki! Who posted a picture of herself Without Make-up Yesterday
“Well, if it isn’t Lone Starr. And his sidekick, Puke.”
“Barf.”
“Barf, Puke, Whateva!”
more disturbing than the mask is that boil under her eye…wow, pregnancy has really effed her up
Is it a boil or a mole…or a penis??
What’s with the giant mole under her eye? Are we sure this is her?
Of course this is Jess Simpson. Of course it is.
Just look at that easy to ID enormous upraised mole under the eye. Yup, that’s her.
Way to ruin cock for me, Jessica. Just like you ruined pop music and The Dukes of Hazzard. IS NOTHING SACRED TO YOU?
HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just pissed myself laughing at this :)
That’s not Jessica Simpson. That’s her old assistant Cacee Cobb.
I concur
http://www.usmagazine.com/uploads/assets/celebrities/19147-cacee-cobb/1250535107_cacee_cobb_290x402.jpg
That’s Cacee Cobb, her best friend. Cacee is the one who has that mole under her right eye.
Well, It’s like my great grandpappy used to say, “Sometimes you’re the cock, sometimes you’re the balls.”
Sometimes you’re Jessica Simpson.
that doesn’t look like a penis and that doest look like jessica either (no tits)
Fatty fat fat-fat fatty fatty fat-fat.
That’s clearly not Jessica, if it was those chin-balls would be comfortably resting on her tit-shelf.
Whoever that is, they should consult a doctor. That’s the worst case of cock-faced rosacea I’ve ever seen.
Time for a correction, since that’s obviously not Jessica Simpson.
“Hello. My name is John Merrick”
“It’s a trap!”
Chaz Bono prototype v1.1
She’s wearing a mask?
Looks like the Dick caught some kind of warts,
Im pretty sure she has a testicle growing on her right eye…. wtf is that?
Bitch is wearing a dick on her face all anyone sees is the eye mole.
Yes.
That’s not Jessica Simpson it’s Owen Wilson.
That’s her friend, Cacee. She has a very distinctive mole under her eye.
The mole doesn’t show up in the other pictures
Fish: Jealous you much?
OMG I know what I’m getting wifee for her birthday!
What a dick head
Is that Rocky Dennis?
I know it’s hard but try to smile.
It seems the part about “Jessica Simpson tweeting a photo” is correct; but the “of herself” part ought to be retracted.
Eh, “Fish”?
I’d pay Jessica Simpson $25 to do a bukkake movie. That’s easy money for a pregnant girl nobody wants to look at
I always thought she had her head shoved up her ass. Now we know why. I just never thought she could be that limber.
Again: the photo is not of Jessica Simpson.
Is this another one of the “Snookie with no makeup” pictures?
“Hello Jessica? It’s Ryan Seacrest, how’s the pregnancy going? Yaha, aha, aha, listen shut up. Jules and I want to try some erotic cosplay and I want her to wear that penishead you have – just for LOLs cause I’m totes straight and shit. Where can I get 5? Do the balls come in different sizes? Can I provide a model?”
Well, she has a huge Dom Woganowsi cyst on her eyeball lid. I’d wear a mask too.
That’s her friend Kacee. I’m pretty sure.
You know how they say you start to resemble the person you are with most? I’m thinking she needs to spend less time with daddy…
that eye mole belongs to cacee cobb and jessicas boobs are way bigger
That’s Cacee Cobb
good grief NSFL pls thanks
That’s not Jessica Simpson.
The title of this story is purposefully misleading. Why?
If it’s not her, she should invest in her own penis mask and wear it regularly. It would be an improvement as it would cover her bloated man face and many chins.
Its not Jessica she retweeted Cacee Cobb & its Cacee wearing the mask. JUst goes to show how crap starts & people don’t read before creating blogs. Jess is also very pregnant & those are not her boobs. your all to quick to judge.
If it’s Cacee, then she should take off the mask and give it to Jessica. Cacee is hot and Jessica is an ugly man face whose looks would greatly improve by wearing a penis mask 24 hours a day.