This Is The Last Time You’ll See Jessica Simpson Looking ‘Fat,’ According To Jessica Simpson

April 10th, 2012 // 29 Comments
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Jessica Simpson Nude
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Last month, we saw a pregnant Jessica Simpson posing nude for the April issue of Elle which apparently hit newsstands because here she is pimping the issue on Twitter while making the most ridiculous statement she’ll ever make in her life. And, yes, that’s counting the time she asked if the baby can see the TV if she pressed her belly against it really, really hard:

Last chance to see me “fat” aka PREGNANT on the cover of Elle :) I loved this shoot, only on stands for a few more days!!!

Giving Jessica Simpson the benefit of the doubt that, okay, maybe, just maybe, she’s clever enough to make a joke (She’s not.), she’s already planning to get pregnant again. Which is exactly what happens when you take a girl who just wants some Chili’s but can’t because she’s a “pop star” and suddenly put her in a situation where it’s socially acceptable for her to carry baby back ribs in her purse complete with fries and baked beans. Christ, Britney Spears still hasn’t recovered from her pregnancies, yet somehow Weight Watchers thought it’d be worth a $3 million gamble to see if Jessica Simpson can actually turn herself into Jessica Alba after giving birth. They’d have better luck paying me for the same result and I’m not just saying that because of these thin, yet supple hips that practically curve to the touch.

Photo: Elle

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  1. Frank Burns

    Okay, maybe plump, obese, well filled out, thick, big, blubbery, chubby, corpulent, fleshy, full, gross, lardy, overweight, podgy, portly, pudgy, replete, roly-poly, rotund, round, tubby, etc. – but not fat.

  2. If you miss fat Jessica, check in with Miley Cyrus in about ten years for another southern-fried lard ass.

  3. Cock Dr

    Doesn’t a “pop star” need to have at least one hit record to their name before claiming that title? Did I somehow miss this past decade’s big Jess Simpson top 10 hit?
    She was a big blonde TX pinup, made famous by a craptastic MTV reality show, and I believe this woman likes her booze and her corn dogs way too much to ever get back into pinup shape again. Why should she…..she’s apparently making a killing in the “fashion” industry.
    When’s the wedding?

    • dooood

      not to mention, the only songs i’ve ever heard of hers were either covers or complete samples of other peoples music.
      on the plus side, she was there when tony romo turned out to be a spectacular failure. so there’s that.

  4. Alex

    I’ll be damned. She’s right. Who would actually admit they were at Chili’s? Where is Jessica 23.99hrs of the day? Ere go…well you get the point. Bitch is genius.

  5. topanga

    I hope she never stops being fat. It’s so much fun.

  6. Blubbo

    FATTY FAT FAT-FAT FATTY FATTY FAT-FAT

  7. Will

    Clarification – she said it was the last chance to see her fat on the cover of Elle magazine. She never said you wouldn’t see her fat standing in line at a churro stand, or in a Burger King drive through, or sucking the jelly out of a jelly donut and filling it with chocolate swirl ice cream. Read between the lines, people!

  8. Tom

    Why doesn’t this no talent loser just disappear? I am so sick of celebrities who are celebrities for no apparent reason.

    Jessica, do the right thing and just go away. Please.

  9. Jerk Off Yoga

    This is off topic but I hope Jessica Alba’s husband knows how lucky he is. She’s beautiful to start with and on top of that she went back to her original figure after two babies. It’s like hitting the jackpot… twice.

    • 30percent

      Alba isn’t at her original weight. She’s 10 lbs above. Not 1/2 as sexy as before marrying Cash, having kids.

      Fact.

      • Jerk Off Yoga

        Wow, a whole 10 pounds?! Most people would be happy to gain only that much without pregnancy. And the only reason she doesn’t look hot anymore to you is because she’s off the market and that ruins the fantasy.

  10. Schmidtler

    If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, marry yourself a big fat wife! oh yeah, and make sure she’s a BILLIONAIRE!!!!

    • Venom

      I’ll only marry a billionaire if she looks like a Victoria’s Secret model. I don’t feel like I should have to settle.

  11. Deacon Jones

    “fat aka PREGNANT”

    ????

    I’m shocked and ashamed. How DARE she mock the miracle of pregnancy! How DARE she!

    • Umm...

      To the retards who gave this a thumbs down, I believe you will find this was sarcasm. As in, NOT A SERIOUS COMMENT. So go fuck yourselves, pregnancy Nazi’s. (Go on, thumb that down, bitches!)

  12. Jessic

    She is so Beautiful and will Forever be the HOTTEST Woman on the PLANET. She was great in BillionaireDatingSite!

  13. Bonky

    Photoshopped pregnant Jessica is hot !

  14. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Sybianz
    Commented on this photo:

    I puked in my mouth a little…….

  15. XD

    Why am I certain that a staffer at Elle has Satan’s copy of Photoshop?

  16. Clarence Beeks

    she has claimed this every time she has gained weight in the past. Girlfriend loves her food and drink. Just deal with it Jessica, it’s okay….stop lying and making yourself look stupid.

  17. SFRowGuy

    Can it be our last time looking at her naked?

  18. Jessica found the perfect excuse to get fat, pregnancy. Don’t expect to ever see her skinny again, I expect her to shit out a few more kids so she can continue to be fat like she always dreamed.

  19. mel

    i can’t stand this dimwitted cunt. you know when you’re on the highway and a truck carrying pigs drives by? you know how your car smells like pig feces for about a minute afterwards? that’s what i’m reminded of whenever i see jessica simpson posing with her weird looking mouth – the stench of pig shit.

    a 69 with her is no doubt even more pungent than a nostril full of smelling salts and amonia. even a manure-shovelling farmer would be brought to tears.

  20. kathy

    Why is every body so mean to this girl she has the nicest heart.All you people talking crap i’d like to know what you look like. Love ya Jess keep your head high.

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