Jessica Simpson Posed Nude For ‘Elle.’ Pregnant.

March 7th, 2012 // 110 Comments
'No, Not Mah Scotch!'
Jessica Simpson Drunk
Jessica Simpson's Life Is Hard Read More »

Here’s a pregnant Jessica Simpson posing nude (Full shot here.) for the April issue of Elle if posing nude means they de-jowled her head and slapped it on Demi Moore‘s body because it was cheaper than airbrushing out nacho cheese burns. Regardless, Jessica confirms she’s having a girl, but more importantly reveals I was right about all those times I said she’s a rib-fueled booze funnel:

On her body subconsciously telling her she was pregnant:
“We were goin’ to have an all-day drinking binge,” Simpson says, not shy about saying so. “Gonna ride our bikes, hang out… do naughty things. But I started feeling this overwhelming guilt. Why would I feel guilt at the idea of going out and having cocktails with my friends?”


The hardest part of her pregnancy so far:
“Givin’ up my Scotch?” she says. “My Macallan 18? That was hard for me! … Though now, being pregnant, you crave other things. A big thing of water sounds great!”

While my immediate reaction is to be as concerned for Jessica Simpson’s baby as I am for Snooki’s, Jessica squats on the throne of a billion dollar fashion empire, so you know there’ll be at least a nanny or two who’ll make sure the kid won’t be used as a crab mallet. Whereas the skull on Snooki’s baby’s will have a permanent ridge in six months from popping open bottles of Budweiser or whatever the hell beer Guido juiceheads drink to make Snooki look like something a penis should go into. “Nope, still looks like a ham carpet. ‘Mere, little baby.”

Photos: Elle, Fame/Flynet


  1. I have the weirdest boner right now.

  2. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    pregnant bellies are disgusting, good thing this one is just a cartoon

  3. Kevin

    Oh so it’s sexy to be fat as long as you have a baby in you? Got it…

  4. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    The Photoshop crew at Elle could have saved themselves a lot of time by just ‘shopping her head onto my body. It would have been more realistic, to boot.

  5. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    Besides which, the picture must have been taken 4-5 months ago.

  6. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m loving that her “pregnant belly” doesn’t have an outie bellybutton. You’d think they would at least get THAT right.

    • Amy

      Not every woman gets an outtie. I went my entire pregnancy without my belly button popping out…granted toward the end it was oddly flat, but it never popped out.

  7. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got a toddler in there. Hide yo kids…

  8. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    While I appreciate the fact that I don’t have to look at this nitwit’s stretchmarks, let’s get for real, the ridiculous “innie” bellybutton is way off center, the perfect cresent shadow under her tits are pathetic, not to mention there is not the predictable dark vertical line on tummy. Shit, my 6 year old could have done this. Come on Elle, humor the people that supposedly buy your dumbass magazine,

    • Dear Cutthecrap

      So you’d rather see a nasty stretch marked belly? Sounds like someone is jealous! Get off the internet and go take care of your kid.

  9. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:


  10. bobalu

    She looks like she is going to explode.

  11. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    Not all women get stretch marks you know.I´ve had 3 kids and dont have any..just sayin.
    Having said that,that picture is deffinately photoshopped.Her tummy is smaller,her arms and fingers are thinner and her boobs are smaller too.Why would they do that when we can easily compare thia picture to previous preggo pics of hers and easily see that its completly fake…. ?
    Why alter a preggo pic at all? Thats just stupid…
    Obviously she´s not a fan of

  12. Sliver

    Other nekkid, pregnant mag covers:

  13. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Ganja Din
    Commented on this photo:

    How long BEFORE she got pregnant was this picture taken?

  14. Courtney

    shut up those pics were taken when she was 6 months pregnant and retouched because of acne issues she’s had her entire professional life that tend to flair up when your pregnant. try being less than 5’4″ and carrying a child that’s gonna be between 8-10lbs and like 22in long at birth it’s not easy. I for one think Jessica looks beautiful and all that matters is her and her daughter are healthy and that’s the case

    • mrsmass

      no one knows how big the baby is actually going to be until it comes shooting out the ole’ vagina. i had a 9lb. baby and didn’t look any bigger at 9 months than she did in her halloween picture. so i call bullshit. she’s eating for 10 and is carrying a baby elephant.

  15. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    Her entire belly and ass look airbrushed. What a stupid phony.

  16. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    that’s is so obviously photoshopped and airbrushed. they do realize the world knows she’s gotten huge from being pregnant. there’s nothing wrong with gaining weight during pregnancy. they just made themselves look like idiots because everyone knows how much the edited this photo.

  17. Jessica Simpson Nude Pregnant Elle
    Commented on this photo:

    I puked in my mouth a little…….

  18. rex

    Made me Jerk Off! Twice

Leave A Comment