Jessica Simpson Posed Nude For ‘Elle.’ Pregnant.
Here’s a pregnant Jessica Simpson posing nude (Full shot here.) for the April issue of Elle if posing nude means they de-jowled her head and slapped it on Demi Moore‘s body because it was cheaper than airbrushing out nacho cheese burns. Regardless, Jessica confirms she’s having a girl, but more importantly reveals I was right about all those times I said she’s a rib-fueled booze funnel:
On her body subconsciously telling her she was pregnant:
“We were goin’ to have an all-day drinking binge,” Simpson says, not shy about saying so. “Gonna ride our bikes, hang out… do naughty things. But I started feeling this overwhelming guilt. Why would I feel guilt at the idea of going out and having cocktails with my friends?”
The hardest part of her pregnancy so far:
“Givin’ up my Scotch?” she says. “My Macallan 18? That was hard for me! … Though now, being pregnant, you crave other things. A big thing of water sounds great!”
While my immediate reaction is to be as concerned for Jessica Simpson’s baby as I am for Snooki’s, Jessica squats on the throne of a billion dollar fashion empire, so you know there’ll be at least a nanny or two who’ll make sure the kid won’t be used as a crab mallet. Whereas the skull on Snooki’s baby’s will have a permanent ridge in six months from popping open bottles of Budweiser or whatever the hell beer Guido juiceheads drink to make Snooki look like something a penis should go into. “Nope, still looks like a ham carpet. ‘Mere, little baby.”