Jessica Simpson Not Happy About Nick Lachey’s Engagement

November 5th, 2010 // 45 Comments

Seen here drunk off her ass wondering why no one will marry her – *burp*Jessica Simpson is apparently not taking the news of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo‘s engagement well, according to Popeater:

“Even though Jessica wants to be happy for Nick, this is a very difficult time for her,” a friend of Simpson’s tells me. “Nick was the love of her life then, man, and he was her first, so she will always have a very special place in her heart for him. She’s deeply saddened.”

Let me be the first to say, “Keep those chins up, Jessica.” Sure, the thought of marriage sent Tony Romo screaming to his dollhouse, but you’re with Eric Johnson now and that dude is broke as shit. If giant breasts and expensive gifts can’t get a cash-strapped gold-digger down the aisle.. well, you’re probably going to die alone. But for now, just keep propping those puppies up next to sports cars. Think positive! :D

Photos: Splash News


  1. ZigZagZoey

    Awww, don’t worry Jess!
    She will screw him over big time.

  2. fester

    Jessica has been in a downward spiral since she learned farting is not an officially sanctioned Olympic event. Hopefully she can still claim the gold in the pie eating competition.

  3. ___

    Fish, that was the funniest shit you have written in a long time. Honestly. Keep those chins up? Keep propping those puppies up next to sports cars? CLASSIC!

  4. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    anal leakage
    Commented on this photo:

    This man is gorge I would mos’ def. hit it!!!!

  5. Rocky's Bullwinkle

    Drunk Jessica looks fun. I wouldn’t mind her farting in bed. Hell, she could dutch oven me and I’d be ok so long as I can snack on those boobs.

    • fester

      Do so at your own peril. I’ve heard that Jessica’s farts are so toxic even her crabs take flight. We’re not talking about the little buggers either, I mean real honest to god crustaceans.

  6. Cock Dr

    I’ve always thought Nick Lachey was a empty headed, pussy looking doofus.
    To be fair, the main reason I think that is because he once married into the Simpson clan.
    Jess should quit brooding about ancient history, have another piece of pie & continue riding that NFL cock.

  7. That Guy

    Didn’t she hook up with Johnny Knoxville before the divorce?

  8. That Guy

    Didn’t she hook up with Johnny Knoxville before the divorce?

  9. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Ish KaBibble
    Commented on this photo:

    As painful as the self-parodying Shelley Winters in “Harper.”

  10. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:


  11. You sure this isn’t Kristie Alley?

  12. Angie

    Wow! everybody on her must be a 10!!!! ready for America’s Next Top Model!!!Lol!!! smashing on the poor woman like that and Celebuzz!? how do you know she was crying over Nick? and at least she doesn’t look like a hungry crackhead. About her being drunk, if you had people tracking down to get in your business, you might need a drink or 2!!! Jess, keep ya head up girl! and get it together!! cause they’ll be talking about these 2 getting married for awhile. but on the real what have Nick or Vanessa done? for people to even care.

    • Nick

      Nick Lachey and Vanessa have accomplished a lot. And why should she be jealous of Vanessa you ask? Well Vanessa is a million times hotter, that’s why, and Jess knoes it. She’s a former Miss Teen USA, and she hasn’t gone downhill since

  13. Did she eat Chewbacca? She is so upset she going to kill of a six pack of gravy and a plate of butter covered nachos.

  14. Nick

    This pic is shocking. Jess was never that hot, esp compared to Vanessa who is a stunner, but right now she looks goddam awful

  15. wim

    yesterday she stopped lookin’ for her doggie.

  16. Lilla

    Wow, people are mean :( That girl still has the right to get waisted and you stupid moles should just shut your mouth. Btw. who knows was she crying over her ex and if she was what does it matter?! Even she’s celeb it doesn’t make her better or worse if she hasfeelings. People truly are poor animals.

  17. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    hungry zombie
    Commented on this photo:

    probably a tale of things to come but jessica’s face here reminds me of the exorcist before she really went off and starting jamming that crucifix up her vag

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