Jessica Simpson Lost 35 Pounds Now

When we last left Jessica Simpson two weeks ago, her people were launching a PR blitz campaign claiming she was on a “healthy” weight loss plan of only one pound a week. Except, just kidding, because now they’re saying Jessica already lost 35 pounds which means she’s somehow perfected time travel, or Weight Watchers threatened to blow up every Chili’s in southern California and Texas just to be safe. Via Hollywood Life:

“She’s already lost 35 pounds,” a source told Life & Style magazine. “She can’t wait to reveal the results.”
Soon after the birth of Maxwell Drew Johnson, the Fashion Star host originally was having a tough time losing the weight .
“After you have your baby, it’s like, ‘Oh my God, what happened to my body? This is not me,’” Jessica said. She reportedly gained more than 60 pounds during her pregnancy and indulged in her favorite comfort foods.

Here’s Jessica Simpson on July 31 and here she is on July 2. If you haven’t already deduced, I’m terrible at gauging women’s weight and just assume she’s pregnant again in both shots, so I’ll let you people hash it out because right now my working theory is the only way she could’ve lost that kind of weight is if an angry dwarf cleaved off one of her breasts because she ate his hamburger house. Except that would’ve been at least a 70 pound loss. Goddammit.

Photo: National Photo Group