When we last left Jessica Simpson two weeks ago, her people were launching a PR blitz campaign claiming she was on a “healthy” weight loss plan of only one pound a week. Except, just kidding, because now they’re saying Jessica already lost 35 pounds which means she’s somehow perfected time travel, or Weight Watchers threatened to blow up every Chili’s in southern California and Texas just to be safe. Via Hollywood Life:
“She’s already lost 35 pounds,” a source told Life & Style magazine. “She can’t wait to reveal the results.”
Soon after the birth of Maxwell Drew Johnson, the Fashion Star host originally was having a tough time losing the weight .
“After you have your baby, it’s like, ‘Oh my God, what happened to my body? This is not me,’” Jessica said. She reportedly gained more than 60 pounds during her pregnancy and indulged in her favorite comfort foods.
Here’s Jessica Simpson on July 31 and here she is on July 2. If you haven’t already deduced, I’m terrible at gauging women’s weight and just assume she’s pregnant again in both shots, so I’ll let you people hash it out because right now my working theory is the only way she could’ve lost that kind of weight is if an angry dwarf cleaved off one of her breasts because she ate his hamburger house. Except that would’ve been at least a 70 pound loss. Goddammit.
Photo: National Photo Group
Losing 35 pounds is NOT the same as making 35 pounds of food disappear. Don’t feel bad Jessica, it’s an easy mistake (for you) to make.
You can understand how difficult it must be, she’s only allowed to hold the baby after she’s well fed.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Only Kim K deserves the MOO. Jessica Simpson is a bigger chick, but she did have a baby (yes I know she was kinda big before) and she isn’t a worthless disgusting pig who got recorded while getting pissed on pissed on to achieve fame.
Opps, I didn’t edit it properly. Cancel out one “pissed on”.
Hell, the baby puts on 35 pounds, every time Jessica breastfeeds it.
“She’s already lost 35 pounds. She can’t wait to reveal the results.”
So she’s lost 35 pounds…but she won’t show us yet. I don’t think any woman in the history of anything has lost that much and decided to hide it from the world. “I’ve already lost 35 pounds! But I can’t show you until…let’s see…December? Oh, shit, Thanksgiving’s in there. Okay, November 21. I can lose 35 pounds by then. Crap, did I say that out loud? *farts* Poof! My knockout gas will wipe that from your memory!”
Enough of the tent mu-mu dresses and oversized sweats…bikini pics or STFU.
Until she loses 50 more, I’ll settle for jogging pants and a barely zipped track suit.
Or at least more low-cut tops, showing off the big boobs.
so she lost the amount of weight she should have gained while pregnant. congrats fatty. now what about the last 80 pounds she still has to get rid of?
That baby is the perfect excuse to take her butter gun out on the town!
I would use my butter gun on Jessica.
Me TOOOOO!
I believe that’s called water weight and extra goo that leaks from your body. But they again, maybe she stopped eating Crisco by the tub full.
Meh, still looks like a beached whale to me. Maybe they took away her morning snacks to lose the weight?
So that takes care of one chin, how about the 8 other chins?
If it was a big baby, she probably lost 20 lbs the day the baby was born..then another 10 fall off over the next month or too. So really, there’s nothing crazy about that number.
If you ever wondered when you should use the word “behemoth”….now would be a good time
Nothing says I’ve lost 35 pounds like a picture of her behind a car door!
With a fat face.
She probably just lost that much through the birth – water retention – the baby was nearly 10 lbs herself…
That means she’s had lipo. Or one tit fell off.
whoa even her face is fat
oh so she lost 35 lbs. big deal. that is not news worthy for her and her kind. when she gets beached an the marine wildlife have to tug her back to sea call me.
Miss Piggy. Can you just sit her down in the corner of the bedroom while you bang her bank account?
Just like the one wing blimp, sings a song like she’s singing, Moo, Moo, Moooo….
Losing 10% of your body mass is pretty impressive.
If this fucking pig lost 35 pounds then I have a 12inch cock!
You’d need a 12 inch cock (and a bottle of baby powder) to find the wet spot.
So she took a 12 pound shit… How did she lose the other 23 pounds?
I love her fat like that, it makes me wet my pants.
fuck this. I’d rather see her obese.
food makers should sponsor an eating binge, and see how much more weight she can pack on.
Have a 3-way gulp ‘n grow, between Jessica, Christina and Hilary Duff. First one to 300lbs wins. Losers have to biikini wrestle in Slim-fast.
And after she lost that 35 pounds she wiped. She prefers charmin double ply.
She wipes? She doesn’t brush her teeth, so I always figured she didn’t wipe.
It was her luggage at LAX that was lost, right? That sounds about right. 35 lbs? Yup.
I like that she uses Dr. Brown’s bottles for the baby.
She’s getting down to elephant seal territory.
we havent seen ashlee in a while….Im thinking maybe big sis couldnt get to Hardees in time…
She lost thirty five pounds, but it was later found on her face.
Where did she lose 35 pounds? In her feet?
I smell colonic.
That’s never a good smell.
The picture of her in the black coming out of the suv isnt even her…its a lookalike paid to b jess so paparazzi think its her and say oh shes so fat meanwhile shes been working out like crazy so she can say she lost weight fast..ha Ihave had 3 kids and IM 3 months post partum c section and im back to my pre baby weight, flat stomach and all…its not hard, those who dont bounce back dont try hard enough.
Or a robot copy, like in that Bruce Willis movie! She can afford one of those. Then she’d never have to leave the house again.
16 Dislikes, and counting.
She really lost it…and then found it right back on her thighs.
BS is to he PR blitz.. the problem is PR has nothing to do with it.. everyone is guessing beccause there is no info released from WW or from Simpson camp. That is the nuts & bolts of it.. Too many tabloids like Star & OK are the same mag but print one artical positive & one negative so they claim to have sources & will say we said it first.. Go & look at who owns what tabloids & draw your own conclusions.. The one thing WW & Simpsons have been tightlipped about is the contract & what they require from her all other is speculation.. lol GO JESS
You might have made a good point if you typed it in English instead of whatever language this is supposed to be.
They type like the same way Jessica talks with food in her mouth.
Sorry Jessica, though a 10 pound baby, the afterbirth, and all the “extra amniotic fluid” you claimed you had may add up to 35 pounds, that doesn’t count as losing weight on the Weight Watchers plan.
Jessica Simpson has lost 35 pounds, but unfortunately for the world, it is now reported that Jessica is actively looking for them.
I would still fuck her rigid. Y’hear me? Good.
hahahaha
Damn, I gotta wake up earlier on the holidays if I’m going to get in on the “she found it again” weight loss jokes.
Outfit:
32 Yards of “Summer Fyre” from JoAnn Fabrics.
Shoes:
2 Steel Reinforced Platforms with Kevlar Biweave Straps from Wayne Enterprises.
Impressive.
I don’t care, I love her face and her ginourmous cans.
I just hope she didn’t lose an single gram of the it in the boobs!
It actually is not that hard or unusual to lose that much weight immediately after giving birth. I lost 40 lbs. with a month after my son’s birth. 9 of that was him and most of the rest was water weight from late-pregnancy edema (basically, fluid retention or, as I liked to call it, “tree trunk legs”). I have no idea how much weight Jessica Simpson has lost or how, but thought this thread could benefit from a more informed perspective.
how was that informative?
The way she let herself go is almost tragic. I remember how hot she was in the Dukes of Hazard… which doesn’t even seem that long ago. It’s like she just gave up on her health and her body… and the fact that she was putting her baby in harm while pregnant because of all the junk she ate proves what a problem she has. It makes me want to yell at her and tell her to smarten the fuck up.
I love how a recent article also pegged her weight at 185 lbs. Hellllll now it ain’t! I’m a 5′ 3″ woman weighing 185 lbs. and I don’t look anything like that! She’s at least tipping 210+.
YOU LIE…..look at her picture….she hasn’t lost anything except her Dad the night he spent in jail.