Jessica Simpson Looks F*cking Fantastic

April 15th, 2014 // 27 Comments

So remember the other day when I geeked out over Jessica Simpson‘s legs? That wasn’t me. That was somebody else. I don’t even know what a blog is. What I do know is how to order Chili’s take-out and might even have some right here. Just right here sitting on my desk with all the sauces you like if you wanted to maybe stop over and eat a few Southwest egg rolls. But just a few! You’ve been so good with your diet, but sometimes it’s okay to cheat. Cheating’s fun. (Is she in the door yet? Pull the stick. PULL THE STICK.)

Photos: Fame/Flynet, Getty, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. He likes heavy girls more than straight men do.

  2. It’s a shame her face looks like she got rejected from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

  3. JC

    The completely vacant look in her eyes is the icing on the cake. If Bertney and Jessica have taught us anything, it’s that the mentally handicapped are hawt.

  4. ace11

    How could that Bozo Lachey ever leave that?

    what a dumb move..especially what he ended up with

  5. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    Yes! It’s about time ya bitch!

  6. I was also in the group who couldn’t believe she could lose the weight. Bravo.

  7. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss Eric Johnson 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “Sweetie…now that “I’m back”, will you listen to me when I’m talking to you?”

    “huh?”

  8. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    brick
    Commented on this photo:

    f*cking fantastic is right; X-men mutated right calf muscle aside.

    • Smapdi

      I don’t know if she’s in the X-men, but I bet whatever Spanx she is wearing must be made of adamantium.

  9. shame about that man-face though.

  10. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s what spending all waking hours on the Stairmaster will do to you.

  11. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    anonym
    Commented on this photo:

    easy on the lip injections

  12. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    Freebie
    Commented on this photo:

    See, you don’t need a Kardashian ass to look hot.

  13. tom

    I personally think she looks like shit.

  14. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Okay, Jessica, for the third time, its spelled J-e-s-s-i-c-a. You know what, forget it, just initial it. Just write a J and an S on the guitar. J. S. Oh for craps sake, nevermind!”

  15. Bringbackbabalu

    She has great legs, and stuff. But damn she is ugly. Her smile is just scary. You could pick up a cuter girl from Target.

  16. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks great. Good job, keep it up.

  17. oh i know

    She looks great, and she must feel amazing–good job Jessica!! :)

  18. About $100,000 worth of plastic surgery, lipo, stylists and Spanx, she should look at least halfway decent. You want amazing, look at Chris Hemsworth’s wife Elsa Pataky who looks fucking amazing after having a baby with what seems like a few days ago.

    • Commodore Schmidlapp

      Elsa’s had plastic surgery. There are before pictures out there and she’s quite ugly without surgery. Their kids might grow up ugly. Chris is a handsome son of a gun though so maybe 50/50.

  19. Jessica Simpson Looks F*cking Fantastic, like she always has, because she’s f*cking hot no matter what …there, fixed it.

  20. BlinkyTheFish

    Weight Watchers must have broken down and agreed to build a Chili’s in her kitchen if she slimmed down enough to just fulfill her contract.

  21. She looks more manly than I do.

  22. Skinny Jessica Simpson Skinny Weight Loss 11th Annual John Varvatos Stuart House Benefit
    lovestitties
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s so hot, I’d let her father blow me!

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