Jesus Christ, Jessica Simpson’s Legs
When we last left Jessica Simpson in January, she was looking noticeably skinnier, so it was only a matter of time until that all ended and she returned to being a tater skin girl in a kale world. Except here she is somehow looking even thinner albeit to the detriment of whatever the hell’s happening to her legs. I’ve always been more of a boob man, but calves aren’t supposed to look like that, right? That can’t be healthy. More importantly, where are her boob- oh, no. Oh no no no no. I just found out Mila Kunis is pregnant, don’t you do this to me now, God. Don’t you fucking do this to me now. GIVE ME BACK MY BOOBS.