That’s Jessica Johnson To You
Because weird Instagram photos that she actually thinks are sexy is Jessica Simpson’s new bag, here she is announcing to the word that she’s Jessica Johnson now. Which seems sad at first, until you realize there’s no possible way anyone could’ve explained what a mark is without her going, “Haha! That’s a boy’s name.” Then again, the two-year-old might get it and start stashing money away in her dollhouse. Someone fetch me my puppets. — What? You don’t have puppets? That makes you the weirdo, not me.