Jessica Simpson Thinks She Can Look Like This

January 5th, 2012 // 36 Comments

When bikini photos of Jessica Alba hit the Internet Tuesday, Jessica Simpson cleared the pie off her iPad and immediately tweeted the first thought that entered her head which miraculously wasn’t “I’d eat ham ice cream.”

New goal: look like @jessicaalba after baby. Job well done lady!

Jessica Alba later responded and, to her credit, was politely gracious while not once suggesting this was even remotely possible:

-OMG! Ur so sweet! Thx hon!

Jessica’s fiance, Eric Johnson, on the other hand, was forced to have this conversation:

JESSICA: Eric, you believe I can look like Jessica Alba, right?
ERIC: You know what I believe, beautiful? That Chili’s is still open. Now who wants ribs?
JESSICA: Ooh! Ooh! ME!
ERIC: *turns around, wipes sweat off brow*

These two are gonna make it.

Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News

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  1. DT

    Ummm, you saw Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazzard right? Girl has it in her, hotter than Alba if she works at it. I hope she does.

    • Jay Green

      Yeah she was smokin in that!!! Totally agree with your comment!

    • bi chick

      I’m with DT; Simpson in good shape is WAY hotter than Alba in good shape. Even Simpson in ‘OK’ shape is hotter than Alba. Simpson has a feminine, shapely form and will have to work hard…Alba’s a skinny chick who got skinny quickly after having her babies. If Simpson gets even halfway back to Dukes of Hazard shape, she’ll be sexier (and more impressive in terms of effort) than Alba.

      • BigOkie

        Completely agree. Jessica has natural curves and if she can get back to “Dukes” shape, all will be forgiven.

        Also, she is rich enough to have all of the specialty chefs, personal trainers, etc she might need which is more than the average person has.

    • The Kilted Yaksman

      Simpson is a flat-assed, slack-jawed, retard. She had to have pads in her shorts for the Dicks of Hazzard, just to give her ass some shape.

    • Merlin

      Agree, there was very few that where as hot as Jessica Simpson in her day, I still find her hotter than Jessica Alba, even though Alba is gorgeous she just so bland and boring.

      I hope Simpson can get some where near her old shape she doesn’t have to be as thin some where in between and she will be hooter than Alba imo.

    • mrsmass

      she worked out with a trainer for 24-7 to look like that. don’t pretend like that look came naturally.

    • Dennis

      No way JS gets back into her Daisy Dukes shape especially post-baby. When she was at her Daisy Dukes shape even that lasted 30 seconds after the movie wrapped. They showed her chowing down a few Texas sized plates right after filming the movie on her Newlyweds show back in the day.

  2. DT

    And FYI, those pics you posted, Jessica Simpson is still pregnant…..she doesn’t look that big other than her stomach, which, you know, has a baby inside it.

    • mm

      Google any picture of Simpson from the past 3 years and she looks pregnant even when she’s not because she is fat. In order for Simpson to have a post baby Alba body, she’d need a pre baby Alba body. Alba was not a cow pre baby, but Simpson was.

  3. I’ll put money on her coming up with more idiotic baby names than Alba did.

  4. Gobble Gobble

    I heard Britney got some new titties. Let’s see them new big Britney titties, they are jumungus.

  5. Jessica Alba Bikini
    Hume
    Commented on this photo:

    Wow.

    She still wins.

  6. ooooo

    If simpson works out enough she’ll look like that. c’mon, albas body isn’t miracle. she’s just thin again but has also stretch marks and cellulite.

  7. Frank Burns

    Unless Harry Potter opens a branch of Jenny Craig, I don’t think Simpson is gonna reach her goal.

  8. Clarence Beeks

    Jessica Simpson has to starve herself and work out a ridiculous abount to look like Alba. They have different body types. She may get down to that weight again, but she won’t stay there. Her body is not meant to be that weight. Alba’s body never changes, except when she is pregnant.

    • ooooo

      Jessica simpson is able to look like alba if she works hard on her body. her body type is fine, we saw it dukes of whatever… Ke$ha for example has an afwul body type, she’ll never look like alba or simpson but simpson can look like this. She was just a bit fat the last two years.

      • ooooo

        it won’t be easy to get her old body back but if alba can this, she will make it, too.

      • Clarence Beeks

        I didn’t say Jessica has a BAD body type, she has a DIFFERENT body type than Alba. Alba is taller, which hides weight gain better to begin with. Chestica has HUGE boobs, which also can make her look heavier. She also needs to STARVE herself to be skinny and maintain it, where Alba is thinner in general.

        Jeez. READ before you argue, Thanks.

  9. Is it legal to name a baby Chicken Fried Steak, because if so, move over, naming your kid after a town in Colorado.

  10. I think that she can do that if she wants to.

  11. Schmidtler

    If her husband has a brain in his head, he’ll feed her ribs and pie until she’s too fat to get out of the house. Broad is worth a BILLION dollars. If I was hitched to that gravy train, I’d have her sweating log cabin syrup, porked out to 500 pounds, and in her early diabetes grave inside of 3 years so I could wallow in a cement pond full of her money with my hot young asian peglegged biker honeys. Don’t judge me, I’m into that kind of thing.

  12. This could be boneteresting. She certainly shouldn’t be stopped from trying – there’s some serious hotness trapped in there somewhere.

  13. EricLr

    I think it would be a more realistic goal for her to look as good as Jessica Tandy.

  14. Awwwww… well, we all have to have dreams, right? Does she realize that Jessica Alba is a soulless exercise hound who’s probably never set foot in a fast food restaurant in her life?

  15. Jessica Alba Bikini
    MikeJ
    Commented on this photo:

    how old are you? 12?jessica simpson once looked even better than this (remember “The Dukes of Hazzard “). this chick doesn’t even have curves, she looks like a 12 year old, with boobs

  16. Jessica Alba Bikini
    @@
    Commented on this photo:

    She is not human…

  17. TaT

    She’s pretty no matter what. But, all it takes is dedication and she’ll look even better, IMO alba is ugly.

  18. Turd Ferguson

    Jessica Simpson probably has pre-eclampsia or gestational diabetes…she’ll lose the weight, but she won’t look like Jessica Alba, mainly because she has actual TITS and an ASS. She’ll look better. Go Jessica.

  19. fönsterputs skövde

    You actually make it appear so easy with your presentation but I in finding this matter to be really something which I think I’d by no means understand. It kind of feels too complex and very broad for me. I’m looking ahead for your subsequent submit, I will attempt to get the grasp of it!

  20. Jessica Alba Bikini
    Auth
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s good looking, but I’ve seen plnety of girls who look as good or better than Alba. In general you see girls out who look just as good, but because she’s a star it makes a girl more attractive.Why do girls love Brad Pitt? Or George Clooney back in the day?

  21. Jessica Alba Bikini
    ML
    Commented on this photo:

    She isn’t even good looking. She is ugly. I’ve seen hundreds of girls that are better looking than her.

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