“I DRANK THE WHOLE PLANE.”
Here’s a makeup-less Jessica Simpson arriving at LAX today looking a little too jolly for someone who’s probably heard the words “stomach staple” mumbled at least five time this week by Tracy Anderson. Then again, I’m assuming she’s still working out despite overwhelming evidence suggesting otherwise because I’m pretty sure Jessica Simpson’s schedule looks like this now:
MON - Drink with Eric. TUE - Drink with Eric. WED - Exercise. NACHOS. (Ask Eric if he wants to drink.) THU - Plane-plane! Drink with Eric. FRI - Exercise. Wine tasting. (Have driver handy. With nachos.) SAT - SUN: BISCUITS!!
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Photos: Pacific Coast News
FARTSSST!!
Her and Christina A. should form a “Formerly Hot Fatties” club.
gross.
Aguilera isn’t fat though. Yet.
She happens to be one of the most naturally pretty girls that this site has threads on. Makeup-less? Are you kidding? She trumps most every other whore on this site for being makeup-less…and you guys are seriously missing out on some fun girls if you think she is a fattie or at least too fat for your viewing pleasure.
And if thats not enough for you, her brands did $750 million in sales in 2010 and are projected to top $1 billion in 2011. Im sure that sounds wonderful to all you shallow guys with no cash to take care of yourselves, no ability/education to get a decent job and looking for someone elses money to spend.
Your envy tastes delicious. Keep it coming.
What the fuck do you mean “you guys?” You’ve got one person who made reference to her weight (although he also said she was a hottie) and suddenly this blog is filled with “shallow guys” who are envious…blah-blah-blah.
Envy tastes delicious? My semen does too. So suck my dick, you ignorant twat!
One more thing, just for the record: I think Jessica is a knockout and I like her a bit chunky. Women are supposed to be round.
@ vitobonespur
Wow, hit a nerve did I Mr self-sperm eater? Im guessing thats what you are because you said yourself your sperm tastes delicious. Thanks for the setup shrimpy.
Usually if things dont apply to people, they dont get upset with them. Sorry you got so upset princess. Unemployment check still didnt show up yet?
Actually, Ms. Thong…nothing you’ve written here actually applies, although if it did I would certainly admit it. I would bet every guy has tasted (not “eaten”) his own semen while masturbating, just as women taste their own juices when they diddle themselves. I’ll bet even you have. Also, men get a taste when a woman kisses him right after performing fellatio.
Either way, no big deal. The reason I took offense to your first post is because I have always stuck up for JSimp. And it felt like you were just waiting in ambush for the first guy to mention anything even somewhat negative.
I’ll repeat: I think she is a doll, especially with a bit of added poundage. Hell, I’d walk five miles barefoot in the snow just to stand in her shit.
Oooh, I’m gonna need popcorn and a bookmark! :D
uhhh….Vito, speak for yourself.
I can proudly say I never tasted my own semen while masturbating.
Did Randal change his name to Jessicas thong?
@ vito
You are one sick bastard if your jacking off and tasting your sperm afterwards. That has never crossed mind or even thought about it.
I’m with DJ and i.p.e. here…that has NEVER crossed my mind…that’s some gross shit. And if you kiss a chick right after, well that’s just gross too.
Hey jizz quaffer, what else have you sampled? Fromunda? Smegma?? Dingleberries??? Please fill us in.
Oh please, noone ever denied she has money, she get paid a hefty commission for a job she does no work for, its a nice gig. But she’s still a sad fat cow that willl never have any dignity, respect or a decent guy.
Silvio would bunga bunga this girl, but like a moped ride, not brag about it, and pray my friends don’t see me doing it.
Anyone who talks about themselves in the 3rd person obviously has a rich and colorful fantasy life in which they are handsome and intelligent…..too bad the reality of your situation is so far from your fantasy.
I always brag about riding my moped. It’s fabulous.
Not an expert on world politics then I take it?
What’s a politic?
Nice double-whammy there, NattyB…LOL
Few things are as sexy as a drunk Jessica Simpson.
I wonder what it’s like for her to meet people and try to convince them that “no really, I used to be hot! “
You love to see your writing dont you
Probably about the same as it for you to meet people and try to convince them your intelligent!
@ The Critical Crassness
Step #1 in not looking like a TOTAL COCK GARAGE when calling other people out on their intelligence:
Make sure your own post is grammatically correct.
Now get off your Moms iphone and back to the fry station. I like my fries HOT…dumbfuck.
Jessica…I suspect criticism will be lost on him. People who post comments on blogs critical of people who post comments on blogs are not the sharpest crayons in the box.
first!
Actually…..
Her face is less puffy. I think she’s lost a few, and is looking better. Kinda cute.
The trainer is probably flogging her hard. Keep up the good work; get back that TX heat.
A woman can get very motivated by a wedding dress.
how much for the cash cow?
I’d love to nail her drunk ass.
Yeah, she has gotten “porky”. But let’s all be real here. ANYONE would forgive her 10 lbs for every 10 million dollars of net worth she has. When you measure by those standards, Eric is banging a white Ethiopian.
See, I have no problem with her weight, it’s her stupidity that would drive me nuts. But, considering how well she’s done in the business world, she’s either not as dumb as she appears to be, or is some kind of idiot savant.
I am sure that she has some help.
Being “sexual napalm” offsets a large degree of the stupid.
As to her business acumen, I think we can all assume that she lends her name smartly and the real heavy lifting is done by people with MBAs…. Well, and also by Eric when he loads Ms. “Sexual Napalm” into a sex swing. But I digress…
She looks really cute. Healthy. Workouts are paying off.
The blogger is mean to her. She goes out and entertains the troops overseas; you should tone it down.
Let’s see how she looks in the wedding dress.
Mmm, Easy!
So, what’s the shelf life on today’s Pop Tart anyway? 5 years? Brittany, Jessica, (insert one-time hot babe now pushing maximum density here) – they look great, then POW – like Hell – and they haven’t even reached 30.
That’s nasty. So that Selena Gomez babe the Canadian Messiah is playing man-child with has, what, another year or two before she starts to look like Fudgy the Whale?
Hmmm….pedophilia much, Crabby?
Nope. Gomez is 18. So… 4 years, tops?
Cock goes here.
moooooooooooooooo, holy cow
Why are we shaming her for being drunk on a plane? Was she flying it?
You’re new here, aren’t you? She could have performed an emergency appendectomy on an orphan with cancer, and we would still find some reason to mock her.
It’s a gift we have, really.
Classic. Sheer poetry. Almost spat out my wine. You have the gift, my friend.
ok, she looks good compared to many women out there. come on. Obviously this is a bad photo but she is an attractive woman and although not as thin as she used to be, she’s not fat. Many women would still love to look like her. Give her a break.
At least she looks good without makeup… other celebs look busted.
Soooo, are you saying that drinking every day is an issue? Because I’m pretty sure 95% of your readers drink daily. I’m drinking right now.
Hell, Fish drinks daily just so he can look at all the celebrity shit without going crazy!
That I do.
Oh okay, just clarifying. It’s okay for ME to drink, but JSimp needs to stay sober lest we mock her further. Got it!
Daily drinking is good for the heart. Waking up next to something else is not good for the heart.
‘The bigger ones do more stuff’
Jessica is not drunk from imbibing alcohol….she simply gets high when she breathes air not tainted with “Daddy Joe” stench!
Nice! lol
“So eric was on the couch last night, and like, I was giving him this furious handjob. I mean like my hand was totally getting tired, but then he’s all like yeah baby yeah, open your mouth for a big suprise”.
“and like I opened my mouth wide, totally as far as I could, just like this. My heavens what a suprise I got after that!”
Hey, John Mayer has done hundreds of babes, and he gave Jessica his stamp of approval.
So all I can say, is “Gimme’ some of that sexual napalm!!”
She looks more like a sexual buffet.
I call bullshit on that one. He was desperately embarassed to be seen with her and needed to act like he got something great out of it, and that he’s not gay. I do believe she let him do her like a man, and frankly she also looks like one, so I’m sure he enjoyed that. But I would bet everything that any straight man doing that would be very, very disappointed.
Is she pregnant?
I hope he retains some of his former professional athlete strength, because that’s a lot of baggage to carry.
Better than what Charlie has at his house right now.
Bigger tits too.
She’s not drunk, she’s just on drugs…and the drug is called “Jessica Simpson!”
She’s got maple syrup blood and fists of ham. Hungry is for fools and amateurs! Have you met her goddesses…Ben and Jerry?
uh..nevermind..I guess that doesn’t work for just anybody.
I don’t know… That kinda felt… right…. Hmmmm……
Go get a drink, come out swinging tomorrow.
This girl is WIIINIIING…pie eating contests.
If you tried the drug Jessica Simpson, your face would melt off…which she would then eat.
Gaping mawed, slack-jawed daddy banger.
This girl craps her pants. I just know it.
pssst: YOU WON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.
She looks like Kacey Jordan… if Kacey Jordan ate Charlie Sheen.
It cracks me up how people (media) are always trying to make it seem like Jessica is always out drunk. Personally, I don’t see that & feel this is a pathetic attempt to try to make Jessica seem pathetic & I’m not buying it. So she & her man tied one on during a flight. What’s the big deal? She’s human, young, and enjoying her life! Why don’t you get one & stop worrying about what she’s doing?
Damn this bitch is retarded.
Nice Jessica xD!!!
Come on, now. How can any of you seriously think this ugly piece of shit looks good? She looks like a damn snake with it’s jaw unhinged ready to devour the nearest papparazzo!
If she weren’t a celeb and you saw her on the street, the LAST thing you would want to do is “get all up in that”. You may never come out.
That made me laugh. She does appear to be a snack who just ate a rat.
Oops , I meant snake.
Are you kidding me?! She wearing fucking leggings and no one could get a picture of her from behind so we could look at that fat ass?
she’s still hot as hell.
Ahhhhhhh fat and drunk. I’d just lloves me some squishy Jessica Simpson sex
You say it as if it is bad thing or something…
SHe keeps looking worse every time.
jesus i rem having the hugest boyhood crush on this 60s/70s actress, tuesday weld. arguably one of the prettiest women in hollywood at that time. fast forward to ‘falling down’ in the 90s when, well, let’s say, oh my how she’d grown :) jessica may be the tuesday weld of our time. minus of course the acting chops.
I wonder if this guy sneaks into the bathroom and jerks off to her picture of when she was in Dukes of Hazard….
“OhhHHH YEAH babyyy….you were SO HOT, weren’t you……yea-AHHH!”
(plop, plop, plop…….*FLUSH*)
Is that really Jessica Simpson? Because I’m pretty sure it’s Matthew Broderick in a blonde wig.
The perils of stretch pants, exhibit A.
Someone should tell her that the open-mouth move only works for baby birds, not chubs wanting cheeseburgers.
One of the dangers of doing serious social media work is that it can drive you crazy and mad because of all twisting options.
Their unsatiable hunger to hit and twist us bad that’s because we’re the resistance.
How the hell did we go from Dukes of Hazzard to this ????????????????
Or maybe it’s because we’re beyond crazy and mad. Hehehe
So sad. 2 years ago, I would have sucked the turds out of her rear end. Now I wouldn’t bang her with your dick.