Jessica Simpson is Drunk Again

March 3rd, 2011 // 106 Comments

“I DRANK THE WHOLE PLANE.”

Here’s a makeup-less Jessica Simpson arriving at LAX today looking a little too jolly for someone who’s probably heard the words “stomach staple” mumbled at least five time this week by Tracy Anderson. Then again, I’m assuming she’s still working out despite overwhelming evidence suggesting otherwise because I’m pretty sure Jessica Simpson’s schedule looks like this now:

MON - Drink with Eric.
TUE - Drink with Eric.
WED - Exercise. NACHOS. (Ask Eric if he wants to drink.)
THU - Plane-plane! Drink with Eric.
FRI - Exercise. Wine tasting. (Have driver handy. With nachos.)
SAT - SUN: BISCUITS!!

-
Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. gogo

    FARTSSST!!

  2. CaliKitty

    Her and Christina A. should form a “Formerly Hot Fatties” club.

    gross.

    • Silvio Burlisconni

      Aguilera isn’t fat though. Yet.

    • Jessicas thong

      She happens to be one of the most naturally pretty girls that this site has threads on. Makeup-less? Are you kidding? She trumps most every other whore on this site for being makeup-less…and you guys are seriously missing out on some fun girls if you think she is a fattie or at least too fat for your viewing pleasure.

      And if thats not enough for you, her brands did $750 million in sales in 2010 and are projected to top $1 billion in 2011. Im sure that sounds wonderful to all you shallow guys with no cash to take care of yourselves, no ability/education to get a decent job and looking for someone elses money to spend.

      Your envy tastes delicious. Keep it coming.

      • vitobonespur

        What the fuck do you mean “you guys?” You’ve got one person who made reference to her weight (although he also said she was a hottie) and suddenly this blog is filled with “shallow guys” who are envious…blah-blah-blah.

        Envy tastes delicious? My semen does too. So suck my dick, you ignorant twat!

        One more thing, just for the record: I think Jessica is a knockout and I like her a bit chunky. Women are supposed to be round.

      • Jessicas thong

        @ vitobonespur

        Wow, hit a nerve did I Mr self-sperm eater? Im guessing thats what you are because you said yourself your sperm tastes delicious. Thanks for the setup shrimpy.

        Usually if things dont apply to people, they dont get upset with them. Sorry you got so upset princess. Unemployment check still didnt show up yet?

      • vitobonespur

        Actually, Ms. Thong…nothing you’ve written here actually applies, although if it did I would certainly admit it. I would bet every guy has tasted (not “eaten”) his own semen while masturbating, just as women taste their own juices when they diddle themselves. I’ll bet even you have. Also, men get a taste when a woman kisses him right after performing fellatio.

        Either way, no big deal. The reason I took offense to your first post is because I have always stuck up for JSimp. And it felt like you were just waiting in ambush for the first guy to mention anything even somewhat negative.

        I’ll repeat: I think she is a doll, especially with a bit of added poundage. Hell, I’d walk five miles barefoot in the snow just to stand in her shit.

      • Sangriatic

        Oooh, I’m gonna need popcorn and a bookmark! :D

      • Deacon Jones

        uhhh….Vito, speak for yourself.

        I can proudly say I never tasted my own semen while masturbating.

      • sunshine

        Did Randal change his name to Jessicas thong?

      • @ vito

        You are one sick bastard if your jacking off and tasting your sperm afterwards. That has never crossed mind or even thought about it.

      • horn dog

        I’m with DJ and i.p.e. here…that has NEVER crossed my mind…that’s some gross shit. And if you kiss a chick right after, well that’s just gross too.
        Hey jizz quaffer, what else have you sampled? Fromunda? Smegma?? Dingleberries??? Please fill us in.

      • Sandy

        Oh please, noone ever denied she has money, she get paid a hefty commission for a job she does no work for, its a nice gig. But she’s still a sad fat cow that willl never have any dignity, respect or a decent guy.

  3. Silvio Burlisconni

    Silvio would bunga bunga this girl, but like a moped ride, not brag about it, and pray my friends don’t see me doing it.

  4. dave

    Few things are as sexy as a drunk Jessica Simpson.

  5. I wonder what it’s like for her to meet people and try to convince them that “no really, I used to be hot! “

    • devilsrain

      You love to see your writing dont you

    • The Critical Crassness

      Probably about the same as it for you to meet people and try to convince them your intelligent!

      • Jessicas thong

        @ The Critical Crassness

        Step #1 in not looking like a TOTAL COCK GARAGE when calling other people out on their intelligence:

        Make sure your own post is grammatically correct.

        Now get off your Moms iphone and back to the fry station. I like my fries HOT…dumbfuck.

    • Jessica…I suspect criticism will be lost on him. People who post comments on blogs critical of people who post comments on blogs are not the sharpest crayons in the box.

  6. firstard

    first!

  7. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Actually…..
    Her face is less puffy. I think she’s lost a few, and is looking better. Kinda cute.
    The trainer is probably flogging her hard. Keep up the good work; get back that TX heat.
    A woman can get very motivated by a wedding dress.

  8. Randolph Duke

    how much for the cash cow?

  9. Hugh Gentry

    I’d love to nail her drunk ass.

  10. Yeah, she has gotten “porky”. But let’s all be real here. ANYONE would forgive her 10 lbs for every 10 million dollars of net worth she has. When you measure by those standards, Eric is banging a white Ethiopian.

    • See, I have no problem with her weight, it’s her stupidity that would drive me nuts. But, considering how well she’s done in the business world, she’s either not as dumb as she appears to be, or is some kind of idiot savant.

    • Being “sexual napalm” offsets a large degree of the stupid.

      As to her business acumen, I think we can all assume that she lends her name smartly and the real heavy lifting is done by people with MBAs…. Well, and also by Eric when he loads Ms. “Sexual Napalm” into a sex swing. But I digress…

  11. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks really cute. Healthy. Workouts are paying off.
    The blogger is mean to her. She goes out and entertains the troops overseas; you should tone it down.
    Let’s see how she looks in the wedding dress.

  12. Bill Clinton's zipper

    Mmm, Easy!

  13. Crabby Old Guy

    So, what’s the shelf life on today’s Pop Tart anyway? 5 years? Brittany, Jessica, (insert one-time hot babe now pushing maximum density here) – they look great, then POW – like Hell – and they haven’t even reached 30.

    That’s nasty. So that Selena Gomez babe the Canadian Messiah is playing man-child with has, what, another year or two before she starts to look like Fudgy the Whale?

  14. slappy magoo

    Cock goes here.

  15. The Truth

    moooooooooooooooo, holy cow

  16. Clueless

    Why are we shaming her for being drunk on a plane? Was she flying it?

    • You’re new here, aren’t you? She could have performed an emergency appendectomy on an orphan with cancer, and we would still find some reason to mock her.

      It’s a gift we have, really.

  17. zopi

    ok, she looks good compared to many women out there. come on. Obviously this is a bad photo but she is an attractive woman and although not as thin as she used to be, she’s not fat. Many women would still love to look like her. Give her a break.

  18. blonde

    At least she looks good without makeup… other celebs look busted.

  19. NattyB

    Soooo, are you saying that drinking every day is an issue? Because I’m pretty sure 95% of your readers drink daily. I’m drinking right now.

  20. Matcher

    ‘The bigger ones do more stuff’

  21. The Critical Crassness

    Jessica is not drunk from imbibing alcohol….she simply gets high when she breathes air not tainted with “Daddy Joe” stench!

  22. FruitLoop

    “So eric was on the couch last night, and like, I was giving him this furious handjob. I mean like my hand was totally getting tired, but then he’s all like yeah baby yeah, open your mouth for a big suprise”.

    “and like I opened my mouth wide, totally as far as I could, just like this. My heavens what a suprise I got after that!”

  23. Hey, John Mayer has done hundreds of babes, and he gave Jessica his stamp of approval.

    So all I can say, is “Gimme’ some of that sexual napalm!!”

    • She looks more like a sexual buffet.

    • Sandy

      I call bullshit on that one. He was desperately embarassed to be seen with her and needed to act like he got something great out of it, and that he’s not gay. I do believe she let him do her like a man, and frankly she also looks like one, so I’m sure he enjoyed that. But I would bet everything that any straight man doing that would be very, very disappointed.

  24. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    heidi doby
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she pregnant?

  25. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope he retains some of his former professional athlete strength, because that’s a lot of baggage to carry.

  26. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Better than what Charlie has at his house right now.
    Bigger tits too.

  27. She’s not drunk, she’s just on drugs…and the drug is called “Jessica Simpson!”
    She’s got maple syrup blood and fists of ham. Hungry is for fools and amateurs! Have you met her goddesses…Ben and Jerry?

    uh..nevermind..I guess that doesn’t work for just anybody.

  28. Gaping mawed, slack-jawed daddy banger.

  29. This girl craps her pants. I just know it.

  30. the captain

    pssst: YOU WON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

  31. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    She looks like Kacey Jordan… if Kacey Jordan ate Charlie Sheen.

  32. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Paloma
    Commented on this photo:

    It cracks me up how people (media) are always trying to make it seem like Jessica is always out drunk. Personally, I don’t see that & feel this is a pathetic attempt to try to make Jessica seem pathetic & I’m not buying it. So she & her man tied one on during a flight. What’s the big deal? She’s human, young, and enjoying her life! Why don’t you get one & stop worrying about what she’s doing?

  33. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Paloma
    Commented on this photo:

    Damn this bitch is retarded.

  34. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Francisco
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice Jessica xD!!!

  35. I love you guys

    Come on, now. How can any of you seriously think this ugly piece of shit looks good? She looks like a damn snake with it’s jaw unhinged ready to devour the nearest papparazzo!
    If she weren’t a celeb and you saw her on the street, the LAST thing you would want to do is “get all up in that”. You may never come out.

  36. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Ismoss
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you kidding me?! She wearing fucking leggings and no one could get a picture of her from behind so we could look at that fat ass?

  37. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    jt
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s still hot as hell.

  38. Eric

    Ahhhhhhh fat and drunk. I’d just lloves me some squishy Jessica Simpson sex

  39. Talo

    You say it as if it is bad thing or something…

  40. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Boo
    Commented on this photo:

    SHe keeps looking worse every time.

  41. jesus i rem having the hugest boyhood crush on this 60s/70s actress, tuesday weld. arguably one of the prettiest women in hollywood at that time. fast forward to ‘falling down’ in the 90s when, well, let’s say, oh my how she’d grown :) jessica may be the tuesday weld of our time. minus of course the acting chops.

  42. Deacon Jones

    I wonder if this guy sneaks into the bathroom and jerks off to her picture of when she was in Dukes of Hazard….

    “OhhHHH YEAH babyyy….you were SO HOT, weren’t you……yea-AHHH!”
    (plop, plop, plop…….*FLUSH*)

  43. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Cosmo
    Commented on this photo:

    Is that really Jessica Simpson? Because I’m pretty sure it’s Matthew Broderick in a blonde wig.

  44. cc

    The perils of stretch pants, exhibit A.

  45. Someone should tell her that the open-mouth move only works for baby birds, not chubs wanting cheeseburgers.

  46. Rhialto

    One of the dangers of doing serious social media work is that it can drive you crazy and mad because of all twisting options.

  47. Nero

    Their unsatiable hunger to hit and twist us bad that’s because we’re the resistance.

  48. How the hell did we go from Dukes of Hazzard to this ????????????????

  49. Gando

    Or maybe it’s because we’re beyond crazy and mad. Hehehe

  50. Jessica Simpson No Make Up Eric Johnson
    Ned
    Commented on this photo:

    So sad. 2 years ago, I would have sucked the turds out of her rear end. Now I wouldn’t bang her with your dick.

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