Because why not? Jessica Simpson‘s billion dollar fashion franchise has a new Scuba line now, according to her Twitter, which hopefully will stick to clothing and go absolutely nowhere near the gear itself.
DIVER #1: Alright, team, let’s roll out. *puts on mask, spits it off* What the shit? Gravy?
DIVER #2: PFFT! Ah, God, Bisquick…
DIVER #3: Animal crackers over here.
DIVER #4: My tank’s just a banana with a straw in it.
Photos: Bauer-Griffin, Splash News
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Scuba gear? Why not? She already has impressive flotation devices.
flotation is the opposite of what you need to scuba dive.. you need weights. and in her case a gross of em
Not what I meant, I figured she was just expanding her product line. Let’s hope she goes on to offering shark bait.
Personally, I like the idea of a bacon-flavored snorkel.
I thought she was such an airhead that her head could be used for floatation. Now you would think I would have gone for the obvious and said breasts, but I like to think outside the box, so there.
nyaaah
She’s got the lungs for it.
Hero of Fat Hillbillies everywhere!
It’s not what you think. It’s actually a Super Conveyor Utilizing Buffet Apparatus.
Who’s going to buy wet suit with an Orca fin on the back?
She’s got a billion dollars? Why are we wasting our time making snarky comments about her intelligence and looks, when clearly, we should be working on schemes to separate Ms. Simpson from this giant pile of loot!
To hell with wasting anymore time on this site – I have to run out now and find myself a Gypsy costume, a duck, a bucket of spare ribs, and a map of the stars’ homes!
There’s so much win here, I’m pissing myself…
I’m anxiously awaiting her line of designer of CAT scanners, complete with ipod dock and reinforced mattress.
You’re a few days late on this, and apparently neglected to see that it was a joke; she was tweeting a picture of shoes from another designer.
She’s doing it out of desperation; one *needs* specially designed scuba gear to be able to dive that muff nowadays
She can’t design a peanut butter sandwich . Her scuba gear would look like a special Ed class had run amuck when the teacher had a stroke
That’s probably the funniest narrative from Fish I’ve read in a while. Bravo!
What these stars do when they “design” is to take some cloth or accessory or whatever and put glitter on it. Or their names in glitter.
Oh come on, Not one ass shot?
Not all of us have jumbo wide-screen monitors, show-off.
In other news, Stephen Hawking unveiled his new line of yoga pants.
It’s ok guys, she probably just heard that the “bends” lead to easier backdoor access.
Thanks a lot! I just laughed out loud in the shitter with some dude in the stall next to me!
hopefully you didn’t distract him too much – did he lose wood? I hate it when someone doesn’t commit and fucks around in the middle of stroking me – just some helpful advice.
That was you?
so she is finally designing something her fans can use while they swim with her in her natural environment.
LD…nice reference to the “whale” that Jessica Simpson has become!
The investors here know that if you want to learn to breath underwater, just ask someone with the brain of a fish.
Finally, she will discover what that whole “chicken of the sea” thing is about.
believe it or not: SHE STILL DOESN’T KNOW THE OUTCOME OF 1 + 1 =?
no . that’s an act. and old one at that. that’ played on the whole blonde = dumb routine.
the new routine is she she went into a bine eating nd became a fat blonde slob.
the B in SCUBA does not stand for bacon. Jessica Simpson will soon discover this and leave the business to start a chain of Kenny Rogers restaurants.
Ha ha what a loser, a incredibly rich, still great looking woman who doesn’t have to starve herself and is apparently a smart business woman, LOSER..
When was that picture shot???? Had Lincoln been assassinated yet?!
*insert a joke about a whale here*
You’ve misunderstood, it’s not the SCUBA you’re thinking of. She’s copyrighted SCUBA: Super Container for Unbelievably Big Asses