You may have seen a few of these gigantor Jessica Simpson pics when the British tabloids paid out the butt to get the exclusive rights to them last week, so what better way to celebrate her 32nd birthday today than for me to finally get a hold of them and make them even more readily available on the Internet? I’m joking, of course, so somebody should probably talk Chili’s into serving Cinnabons now before she turns green and smashes all our dicks into paste. I really didn’t think this through.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
All the stretchy clothes in the world won’t help her look thin.
At this point she might as well change her name to Homer Simpson.
Oh, c’mon…Homer Simpson doesn’t have a vagina…sheesh!
I double dog DARE ya to attempt to locate hers.
Throw flour on her and look for the wet spots
Wouldn’t work, I”m guessing she has LOTS of wet spots.
After seeing that pic, even Homer would say Doh!
And that shade of black isn’t helping.
She just scored the role in the movie, “Shallow Hal 2,”
beth chapman actually looks pretty good
Dammit, you beat me to it.
HAHAHAHA!!!
is she auditioning for a Macy’s parade baloon?
What makes you think she’d have to audition?
Nice boobs! I’d still hit it! Can she stand up straight?
You and me both buddy! I still think she is hot.
Does she need to be able to stand up straight?
Mother of God – those melons are bigger than my torso.
I think this is one of the grossest PR stunts ever.
I wonder if her husband has to do that thing where the patient rolls to one side and you sort of swab them down with a wet cloth and pull off the sheet from one side of the bed and then they roll the other way and you swab them and remove the rest of the sheet.
Another month until we see her on her very own Hoveround mobility scooter.
Ah worsh ma self with a rag on a stick
That wardrobe choice involved a can of Crisco and a lot of determination.
Did she eat the can of Crisco before picking out the clothes?
Somebody told her that black is slimming…
That person is a dick.
It only works if the garments required less than a square mile of fabric.
You can’t blame Jessica for not knowing these nuances. I mean, it’s not like she’s a fashion designer or anything…
Yeah, she’s really not a designer. She just slaps her name on shit and calls herself a designer. She’s really just a lazy fatass.
A lazy BILLIONAIRE fatass.
If she’s a billionaire, why does she need the money from the weight watcher’s deal? I guess she must have depleted her billion dollar bank account paying for the vast amounts of food it takes to maintain her blimp-like proportions.
anonymous – A lifetime supply of chicken grease isn’t cheap…..especially when we’re talking about Jessica Simpson’s portion size.
That dude with the bolt on fakers.
Lohan
Nancy Grace
Tara Reid
Adele
Gaga
Some hog roast in a bikini
Jessica Simpson
It’s like you are challenging me to jerk off, fish.
And then the no name coming in the final five. I’m telling you, I get hotter shit showing up somewhat randomly in my email box. Where is the submit your own pics button again?
Oh beefy, always teasing us with the contents of your inbox. ;o)
She really needs to have the gym come to her house.
She needs to put a lock on the fridge door as well.
Looks like a good investment by Weight Watchers….
In her case, it’s watch her weight go up and up.
Everybody give it up for Nick Lachey…
Nick Lachey everyone!
Seeing this makes me feel so much better about myself in a bikini.
Me, too…and I’m a guy.
Dammit! I used the zoom feature and my computer screen burst!
OMG she swallowed Rosie O’Donnell whole!
Now THERE’S a pretty picture.
When is she due by the way?
Looks like I’m going to be late for my appointment in Boner Town.
Come on Final Five.
Jessica Blimpson
No Argument There.
Willy Wonka WARNED you not to chew that gum, but would you listen? Noooooooooooo!
She looks like she’s wearing one of Eddie Murphy’s fat suits.
I don’t even have a joke. This bitch is just fat.
Is she trying to get in or out of the vehicle? Are they just testing different rides to see which one she can roll out of the easiest? Otherwise, I don’t get the point of the photo shoot.
Her legs look like they are trembling from the weight.
Oh my sweet Jesus, wtf.
From jerk off fantasy back in the Dukes of Hazzard days to wow, just so sad.
Jessica, one thing is still the same size: Your talent! It is as large, inspiring, and beautiful as it always was! Don’t lose sight that it’s what’s inside that counts.
Randal
The eternal sunshine of an uncluttered mind
Does a thick layer of dust and three dead flies count as clutter?
So you’re saying she looks fucked.
Well at least her tits are huge.
And probably hit her knees when everything comes off because that’s what fat girl tits do.
I’ll bet this is the first time an Orca escaped from SeaWorld in an SUV.
I feel bad for her. She’s a nice person.
Take your shitty fucking sympathy and fuck off!
We don’t allow sympathy here!
I would fuck her thin and I would fuck her like this. Look at the size of her tits! And you know they still look good. It will take another 5-10 years for those things to really sag.
You had me when you said “I would fuck her thin” and then you lost me when I realized that didn’t mean what I thought it meant.
Me too!
Seriously, TomFrank, even with a trucload of Cialis, I figure Rico’s dick would be worn down to a nub before she got anywhere near her pre-pregnancy weight.
Send her an e-mail, she might take u up on the fuck her thin part.
I don’t think she has a thin part…
Just her clothes are stretched thin.
Yeah, just think. She was Daisy Duke.
Gah……
Sweet mother of God!
Poor Jessica has gotten so heavy even the cleft in her chin is almost gone. I feel sorry for her. Unless she’s happy this heavy, in which case, mazel tov!
On the silver lining side of the coin…LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THOSE JUGS!
She has to be, i hope, breastfeeding. Otherwise the knockers would have gone down by now.
Wow, I saw her a month ago in pictures and she looked thinner, now she looks even bigger than she did right after the baby o_O Jesus, woman. No more cream pie for you!
Looks like Eric Johnson is feeding her the wrong type of cream pie.
She looks like shes having a genuinely hard time adjusting to motherhood. Her roots have grown out, her weave looks really ratty and she has stains on her clothes. Name one new mother that doesnt look exactly like this.
Alessandra Ambrosio.
Damn! My brain just betrayed me…
Tony’s dream girl right here. You can forgive him for not showing up to comment on this post. He’s too busy choking the chicken to type at the moment.
He better wring it good, she’ll probably want him to batter and deep fat fry it.
wow, really – where’s the troll to insist Jessica Simpson isn’t really fat, it’s just all you jealous boy loving homos don’t know that being morbidly obese is healthy because you’ve been brainwashed into believing that women can’t have rolls of lard flabbing all over themselves and still look good?
On another note, let’s say you had a job that required you to keep yourself incredibly fit (actress whose roles are exclusively as a sexy young vapid eye candy broad), and then one day you find yourself swimming in BILLIONS of dollars in cash from your fashion designing job, married, and with a baby – how motivated would you still be to continue being a slave to the gym and living off salads? What reason could she possibly have to NOT blimp out on spare ribs and buckets of KFC? Please don’t tell me ‘self respect’, cuz that’s just crazy talk.
Al i gotta say is Nick dodged a Jessica Simpson size bullet here… Count your blessing Nick, Count your blessings.
She looks so …..happy.
Something tells me the weekend maid at Weight Watchers’ corporate headquarters is going to stumble into the board room one evening to fined they all went out Heaven’s Gate-style for signing this banshee.
“Drape a nice sheet over yourself next time.” – Pauline Potter
She’s a beautiful blonde moon bounce.
That baby will never be hungry…in fact, the biggest risk for the baby is drowning.
That, plus by now he thinks milk is supposed to taste like KFC gravy.
Holy Shit ! She is fater than ScarJo
THATS NOT EVEN HER…its just some fat woman made to look similar to jess so when we see jess next time she will be all thin and we will be like omg wow…this isnt her.
FFS – shes just had a baby – leave the girl alone!!!
A baby what?? Hippo?
Normal people don’t gain about 80 pounds during pregnancy……then another 20 after popping the baby out.
I totally understand women eat and gain during pregnancy, but this is a woman who freely admitted to eating crap (literally) like buttered pop tarts, fast food and the worst kind of processed junk every day of her pregnancy in bucketloads. I’m surprised her kid didn’t need a triple bypass at birth. That can’t be good for a baby in the womb.
she is big – and i’m a women who gained 127 lbs when i was pregnant on top of my normal weight of 180lbs, and i lost it all!!!she is in the spotlight by choice and she should lose the wieght but not for $ but for health reasons!!!!
Those boobs are wrecked for life. Looks like she will go under the knife again.
MooooOooo
Can’t believe no one has said this yet?
Have the Weight Watchers folks asked for a refund yet?
What in the hell is this woman going to accomplish at a gym? Are they running low on medicine balls or something?
“Be sure next mealtime to ask for your free septuacentennial cupcake …in a cup!!!”
That is the face of someone who was told they were going to The Sizzler only to arrive at the gym of disappointment… I do the same thing with my Labrador retriever and trips to the vet.
Wow. I’m exhausted just watching her get out of that vehicle!