Happy Birthday, Jessica Simp- JESUS!

You may have seen a few of these gigantor Jessica Simpson pics when the British tabloids paid out the butt to get the exclusive rights to them last week, so what better way to celebrate her 32nd birthday today than for me to finally get a hold of them and make them even more readily available on the Internet? I’m joking, of course, so somebody should probably talk Chili’s into serving Cinnabons now before she turns green and smashes all our dicks into paste. I really didn’t think this through.

Photos: Pacific Coast News