Jessica Simpson showed up to the Us Weekly Hot Hollywood Event last night looking.. I don’t want to say “hot,” but better than usual. Which probably has a lot to do with her working out with Tracy Anderson and not being fall-down drunk for once. That said, I guarantee if you cut open the side of her dress, it’d be exactly like the movie Flubber. I almost want to take her to a basketball court just to see if she’d start dunking from half-court. “Look at me,” she’d prboably say mid-air, “I’m one of those black guys! *sticks tongue out* I believe I can fly… spread my wings and fart away… Haha! I said fart.”
Photos: Getty, Splash News, WENN
Charo got un-old.
i think she’s beautiful, so what if she’s got some curves
If she just keeps shrinking, we’ll be able to put her in a bottle like Jeannie and mail it to Colonel Gaddafi.
She’ll go back Big Mac’s, chocolate cream pies and whole cows after the wedding.
Her agent said in a positive tone, “My Client is the Victim of Angles and Weird Shirts”
Miss Piggy on steroids.
I’d pork her.
Hell yeah. She looks a lot better than usual. If she dropped some of the pudge, she’d be as hot as she was when she was younger.
I would let her release my baby batter.
Me too! She always looks good, despite packing on lbs. Sure she’s a mess, but I believe what Mayer said.
And, at least she’s not a tattoo and drug-riddled disease bag like Taylor Momsen aspires to be.
You think her husband closes his eyes during sex and think sof her as Daisy Duke, minus 20 pounds? I guarantee he does
I’d really like to see if sex with her is like sexual napalm… chub or not, an oasis of awesomeness waits at the tops of those legs!!
I concur Great Emancipator.
+2
Thems some calfs on her. She can squeeze the life out of my dick with ‘em if she wants. Until I spirt my liquid babies all over her boat race.
Damn hot, I like em skinnier but shit she looks good. I do not consider her fat at all and I love how she is wearing less makeup lately
You misspelled “Butter” in the post title, Fish.
Wow, weird shirt and bad angle finally pays off for once!
Stupid photographer. Can’t see her tits because they are covered up so he needs to take ass shots.
Her extensions look cheap, and she looks bloated.
lalalalalala
She still has no womanly class
The one last binge and purge cycle before the wedding – followed by a permanent blimpification.
Somebody has some serious airbrushing skills!
Needs an upskirt with the back of her thighs prominently featured, that’s where the heaviest damage would be located. well besides everything she packed into the girdle.
Legs look great but you can totally see the Spanx line under that dress.
i bet she has a tangy asshole…yum.
I think that is a whisky flask in her right hand.
That’s a MoonPie case.
LMFAO
Well played.
What a great looking fat chick.
She is hot!
Find out how you can have her or somebody else like her. HowtoseduceAmarriedwoman.com has an e-book where you can learn how to seduce married women. Isn’t Jessica Simpson married?
Amazing legs!!!
6 inch knock me down and fuck me heels . Bring her over to my crib and I’ll turn her out for my crew
Borrowing a fashion trick from the girls of “Jersey Shore”, Jessica Simpson manages to look like she is a clown that weighs less than a ton!
I would give them tits and vag a chris brown ass whooping …
The dress is doing a lot of the work. Those psychedelic patterns are designed to conceal and confuse, and those blue bits disguise how big her hips are.
I would still do disgusting things to her though, love me a thick southern belle.
She has man legs and is thick though the waist.
Legs!
I didn’t get the black guy joke….
Much as I love to bone a sweet ass, once a girl farts out in the open it’s pretty much over. You never see them with the same eyes again.
She has travestite legs, but I’d still hit it
MATRONLY! She is getting more square by the day. She shows the leg & wears super high heels to distract from the…squareness.
Horrible man face, stumpy legs and fat, yeah real hot, barf.
Amazing what a good man can do for a woman..He loves her and she knows it…I love it! CONFIDENCE.
THick ass bxtch. I’d pound that beef stump tho
You know your thick when Snooki looks thinner than you
Ah, who am I kidding, I’d slam that so hard I’d probably hurt myself.
She might be attractive but her clothes do absolutely nothing to flatter her figure. And she needs to cut her hair – she looks like a pin head with those long locks!
Its great that she’s confident. She is getting a bit “chunky” by Hollywood’s standards. The future husband should know that this weight gain could be a sign of what’s to come. She’s obviously getting really “comfortable in her own skin.” But those extensions are the worst! And the Jessica Simpson shoe line looks like a bunch of hooker shoes. No class to them, at all.
Just look at those fucking awesome, beefy, thick legs and thighs! Gives me a boner. Delicious. (This is not sarcasm, fyi)
Don’t understand you guys who like those skinny bag of bone girls. Jessica Simpson is perfect and absolute yummy thickness. Give me a woman with some meat on her bones any day.
I love her she’s beautiful and has always been. She will go back to being thin. And if she doesn’t she will still be a sweetheart. We love you Jess!!!
She’s wearing a corset. If she’s been working out, it hasn’t been very hard…
uh oh she forgot to suck in
Those have to be the ugliest, most ridiculous shoes I’ve seen in a while, GaGa footwear aside.