Jessica Simpson Has a New Man

July 6th, 2010 // 46 Comments

Because they’re both dating NFL players and I’m lazy, I just copy and pasted the Kim Kardashian post and made a few necessary edits. Journalism!

Kim Kardashian Jessica Simpson is apparently dating Miles Austin Eric Johnson of the Dallas Cowboys 49ers now. I’m going to assume the two met when she held an open audition for boyfriends husbands and he didn’t object to pretending the Kardashians don’t tie a small child to the stake in the yard for Khloe’s dinner Dutch ovens. Hope he likes hearing how great it’d be to have a baby just like Kourtney Ashley every other single word until he eventually gives in or gets a back-alley vasectomy distracts her with ribs. I can’t see this thing going any other way.


Photos: Splash News


  1. nate


  2. Hugh Gentry
    Commented on this photo:

    did she eat her new man?

  3. Liv

    What happened to the Billy Corgan thing? Really have to start paying attention more…

  4. Bad News Robot
    Commented on this photo:

    Bad News Jessica: your Southern is oozing out of your pores. There’s no fighting it.

  5. #

    On the plus side are giant tits
    On the minus side are low IQ, needy, demented father, farts farts farts!
    No thanks!

  6. nikky

    she is starting to look like the heavy version of Anna Nicole Smith.

  7. scandalous

    i would do anything to date jessica simpson….shes white, beautiful and hasn’t sucked a million black cocks

  8. Some Girl

    Lol, great edit Fish.

    I agree with Drunken Stepfather, her career killer has been that she won’t put the chicken bucket down and lose weight. Lazy.

    • Alli Watermelon

      Who cares about a designer’s nightmare? She has great tits. If you notice, the comments are always the same: “She should put the chicken bucket down, but she has some amazing tits.” Move along, Olive Oil.

    • Keke

      I disagree.. even if she lost weight, she still won’t have much a career asides from saying dumb shit, being a limelight whore, and looking “hot”. She’s not even attractive/beautiful imo. “Hot” sure, but not beautiful – that requires brain cells.

      • Alli Watermelon

        You’d be surprised at how many guys would still like to see a great pair, regardless if the female was a “fat ass” or not. The girl is thick and could definitely lose a few lbs, but I don’t think she could be put into the fat ass category.

  9. Some Girl

    Clothes never look good on her because she is so top heavy but short. A designer’s nightmare.

  10. Beck

    LOL, I love you Superficial! Thanks for making Tuesday a little more bearable.

  11. Photoshop Police

    you can’t prove that 3rd part of your statement, scandalous! :-)

  12. timmy the dying boy

    mmmmmm. . . curvy

  13. kelley

    God, the neckline of that dress is digging into her fat neck !!

  14. RatsAss

    Wow, she’s totally S.O.L.

    I honestly thought she was something like 38 years old. She’s not even 30 yet?


  15. Bert

    Sexy neck fat. I never liked this chick even when she was thin, but now that she is a fatty, she does give good laughs. It’s smart marketing as well, if you think about it. She probably has millions of fatty fans.

  16. Commented on this photo:

    Smokin hott! Look at those hips!

  17. Commented on this photo:

    She is not fat, she’sa big-boneded white babe from Texxass

  18. m.
    Commented on this photo:

    I like a woman who doesn’t look like holocaust survivor (see Christina Hendricks), but there’s something off about Jessica.

  19. Puddy Hott a’n Temptin’

    • Irene Barcelo

      I agree with RatsAss. This poor girl is not aging well. I AM 38 and I said to myself her skin looks like mine. Oh, except for the neck fat. I can say I don’t have that. This girl needs to take care of herself. Isn’t she a PROACTIV spokes person as well?

  20. Jen

    Idk if it’s how she’s dressing or what, but she does not look good. I would be at the gym STAT if i was her and saw these pics…

  21. captain america

    I bet he never saw this dumb “FAT ASS” naked!!

  22. joho777

    Jessica should avoid closeups, she looks grotesque. Surgery city.

  23. Steelerchick

    I guess she wants to mess of every teams chances of winning a Superbowl!!!

  24. Doof

    Honest to God, I scrolled down and thought there was a picture of Miss Piggy posted. I can’t even tell the difference.

  25. Hey BRO
    Commented on this photo:

    Eric Johnson is not in the NFL anymore.

  26. Gary B

    I really fail to see what people see in her.

  27. lauren

    Wow, looks like that Proactiv is really working for her!

  28. alex
    Commented on this photo:

    jessica simpson is not fat. that is all.

    Commented on this photo:

    id still hit that.

  30. Quagmire
    Commented on this photo:

    Two words: Sexual Napalm

  31. umm.

    umm, eric johnson doesnt play for the 49ers… get ur info right

  32. medium rare
    Commented on this photo:

    Imagine spraying her in the face with those innocent, doe eyes looking up at you…

  33. Kaz

    Hi jessica what problem ? U want me

  34. Kaz

    Come with in the *****

  35. Slig

    Hahahahaha baby u want my body or pains

  36. Nik

    that’s one of the most unflattering pictures you can take

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