Posted by Photo Boy – Ed. Note: Pics are from December but were chosen for two reasons. A) That’s the approximate size I envision her newborn to be. B) Breasts.
Congratulations are in order because Maxwell Drew Johnson finally escaped the double order of Chili’s Texas Chese Fries she’s been gestating in. That’s right, Jessica Simpson gave birth to a single human being, putting to rest the twin rumors and easing the mind of her obstetrician who was overheard this morning bidding what he thought was farewell to his family. “I dreamed last night that I was running. Running so fast, but the tidal wave..I, I just couldn’t get ahead of it. Honey, you, little Jimmy and Sally will be taken care of if this thing goes bad. I want you to know that I love you and I promise I’ll spend less time on the golf course if I make it back. *picks up oxygen tank* Wish me luck.”
Photos: Fame, Flynet, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Seriously? That sounds like a boy’s name. That poor girl.
No wonder she was so big. That kid must be 30-40 pounds.
Really wish she’d reconsider nick-naming the baby Maxi.
That poor girl is going to be Maxi-Pad from now on.
(but I do think Jess will be a very devoted mom).
‘Max Johnson’ isn’t going to go well for a girl . . . it sounds like a goal statement.
Upon birth, Maxwell immediately headed for the bathroom, shaved and showered, then said, “Where’s the nearest bar? I’d kill for a shot or two of Makers. I’ve had nothing but amniotic fluid for 2 years.”
wait a minute how old is that kid didnt she just give birth
I see a 2 yr old child not a baby
I wonder how big the debris field is from that tsunami.
Put it this way: two years from now, when they offer to return your soccer ball that they found in Alaska, you do NOT want to take it.
I can only imagine the tsunami of afterbirth that followed that kid out of her uterus. Hopefully, her obstetrician is being treated for PTSD. In related news, the entire custodial staff of Cedars Sinai has staged a walk-off.
Maxwell Drew a Johnson. Two hours old and grounded.
i was thinking it was going to be at least a litter.
What a retarded asshole of a bitch, giving your daughter a boy’s name.
When’s the wedding?
I thought good Christian girls from TX always got married before birthin’….and she can’t use the “Didn’t have enough time” excuse, because this gestation went on for about a year.
Maybe she’s going to market a “Little Bastard” clothing line for kids.
this was a really funny post!
Stupid ass name. And has that lantern-head fiancé got a job yet or is he still a parasite?
As far as getting picked on for having a stupid name goes, Maxwell will be the safest Simpson on the short bus.
I suspect her obstetricians experience went something like this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0dGV8UC_D4
Her ‘maternity suite’ for the birth cost a mere $4,000 a day:
http://www.tmz.com/2012/05/01/jessica-simpson-baby-maxwell-drew-hospital-room/#.T6BBbMW8V8E
Lil’ Max Johnson is going to have to model a whole lot of baby clothes to pay momma back for that.
Got Milk?
Scary part is, that kid is a new born……. makes sense now though
Why did this asshole give her girl child a boy’s name? would it really have that much harder to name the child Maxine? Stupid cunt. That child already hates you.
That kid being born must have been like a 5 year old going down the waterslide at the amusement park.
She should have gone with a more feminine name, like Romo, Tebow or Brady.
here’s the first picture. I wouldn’t have expected a baby any smaller than this, given Jessica Simpson’s enormous girth…
http://data.whicdn.com/images/149088/20081017031931_thumb.jpg
.
LMFAO! You jerk! Im at work! hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!