Posted by Photo Boy – Ed. Note: Pics are from December but were chosen for two reasons. A) That’s the approximate size I envision her newborn to be. B) Breasts.
Congratulations are in order because Maxwell Drew Johnson finally escaped the double order of Chili’s Texas Chese Fries she’s been gestating in. That’s right, Jessica Simpson gave birth to a single human being, putting to rest the twin rumors and easing the mind of her obstetrician who was overheard this morning bidding what he thought was farewell to his family. “I dreamed last night that I was running. Running so fast, but the tidal wave..I, I just couldn’t get ahead of it. Honey, you, little Jimmy and Sally will be taken care of if this thing goes bad. I want you to know that I love you and I promise I’ll spend less time on the golf course if I make it back. *picks up oxygen tank* Wish me luck.”