And Now A Sh*t-Faced Jessica Simpson Talking About Her Kids

First thing’s first, is Alan Cumming doing interviews for Extra now? (Enjoy not thinking about that during this entire video.)

Holy. Shit. Now, on to every amazing thing about this two minute video of a shit-blitzed Jessica Simpson talking about her kids:

- The way her unblinking eyes fixate on Alan Cumming in only the way a drunk person’s can when they’re about to describe to an absolute stranger how much they love something for an awkwardly long period of time.

- Her constant wobbly stance indicating she’s either a baby giraffe, or drank a bucket of hooch for lunch.

- Her exclamation of “Her dad is her boyfriend!” followed by the nervous laughter/suicide planning from her off-camera PR squad.

- The wipe effect used at the 1:18 mark which no doubt covered a 45 minutes gap in the interview when she vomited, called Eric Johnson impotent, and passed out.

- The wipe effect again at 1:23 when the exact same thing happened again two minutes later.

- Every single drunk face I unfairly screen-capped trying to get a banner pic, which I included below, because how do you even choose from these?

UPDATE: The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree. (Her dad’s wasted. That’s a link to her dad wasted.)

Photos: YouTube