Why Does Everyone Say Jessica Simpson Is Drunk All The Time?

“I toll ya I can’t see books, Cap’n Picard!”
“But I’m having a stroooke…”

Here’s Jessica Simpson’s giant breasts (Keep writing? Okay…) and really putting to bed all those rumors about how she’s a constant drunk. But then again, the argument that her default personality is exactly the same as a four-Chardonnays-deep housewife is still pretty convincing. For all we know, Jessica Simpson could be dead sober in every one of these pictures, but genuinely has no idea how to walk out of a building without looking like it takes every ounce of mental energy to not sit in her purse and go, “Beep beep! I’m in the car!” I’m willing to meet in the middle here.

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Photos: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet