Jessica Simpson Doesn’t Have a Drinking Problem

January 25th, 2011 // 70 Comments

Here’s Jessica Simpson making me wonder how she hasn’t remarried sooner by stumbling shit-faced out of Katsuya last night which has to be a joy and a delight for Eric Johnson. Then again, do giant breasts compensate for the stench of booze and digested sushi wafting out of a face that makes you wonder if you’ve been molesting a retarded person the entire time? I like to believe yes, but only because I fancy myself something of a futurist.

Photos: Pacific Coast News


  1. Phil Yerassin

    nice thread – i came in my own mouth

  2. Jessica Simpson doesn’t have a drinking problem. More like a eating problem. That is one fat bitch.

    • Mortimer Duke

      I was just gonna say. Bitch been putting the feedbag on OVERTIME!

    • taco flavored kisses

      A few of bony homo’s teammates said the reason he dumped her was that she is a sloppy drunk who embarrassed him repeatedly. Now it’s out in the open…time to reign it in, Jess…

      • Johnny Cage

        Hell I’ll take her. Drunk chicks rock. And because she’s eating more, those titties must be enormous.

        I want you Jessica Simpson, so bad…

  3. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    AHHHH she looks like big foot, or do I imagine Jessica Simpson when I think of big foot? Wtv, DOPPELGANGER!

  4. Someone got some butt sex last night

  5. Mcrough

    Anyone checked out this month’s issue of renowned magazine “The science of vodka”? They have a full explanation as of why the left eye always takes a dive first, when you’re sloshed. Fascinating reading, it really opens my own eyes…

    • torontonotes

      didn’t see that article- all i read was something boring about how they make vodka. please link.

  6. Mortimer Duke

    Lets call this hoe Mrs. Roper because everytime you see her, she is in a muumuu.

  7. Gallo

    These are photos of her leaving her outpatient lobotomy, you insensitive clods.

  8. Lol..look at her eye, it looks like it’s about to slide out.

  9. jumpin_j

    Hey, I thought Anna Nicole was dead! Who knew?

  10. Eva

    Oh well, alcohol problem, that does explain why she ballooned so quickly and never got it off.

  11. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Zombie Kitty
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s Britney Spears in 10 years time!!!

  12. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    wtf isn’t she pregnant??

  13. Deacon Jones


    She’s had more than some saki at this place. She’s on some kind of prescribed psychotropic and is mixing with booze = whacked.

    “Trust me, I’m a professional”

  14. Talk Hard

    What a hot mess. I’d still hit that.

  15. The Taco Bell is about ready to make a second appearance.

  16. joho777

    I agree. Jessica Simpson doesn’t have a drinking problem.

    She drinks. She falls down. No problem.

  17. ick-abod

    She stole the table cloth

  18. Gilberator

    “I’m gonnn complain next time we’re in there . I donnn think they cooked that fish enough. They wonnn get away with that again . I’m Jezzica Simpson, godddammit . I demand rezpect! “

    • Gilberator

      So the above post should read…

      “I’m gonnn complain next time we’re in there (*fart*) . I donnn think they cooked that fish enough (*burp*). They wonnn get away with that again (*cough*) . I’m Jezzica Simpson, godddammit! (*queef*) I demand rezpect! (*smell of piss*) “

  19. I see the reverse liposuction was uncomfortable.

  20. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    The only problem she has is horrible style…and addiction to fried foods.

  21. GravyLeg

    Drinking problem or not, it is time to tackle her “Waffle House” problem.

  22. mamamiasweetpeaches

    wow, I remember when Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson were the two hottest chicks on the planet and guys used to wonder which one they wanted to bang MORE. It ended up their sexiness had the same shelf life as that sushi you buy in the supermarket!

  23. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    she’s still smokin hot

  24. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Ron Mexico
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone needs to tell this Johnson his “Meal Ticket” is going to eat and drink the entire meal by herself.

  25. I like my goddesses good & drunk. They’re more accesible that way.

    Her BF had a super night I’m sure; unloading her from the vehicle (difficult for the strongest among us), standing by the bathroom while she prayed at the porcelain alter & then later cleaning up the pee soaked bedsheets.

    • youcandieNOW

      I think he shoved her drunk ass into her closet on top of a heap of discarded potato sack dresses and spanx. He then proceeded to get a litte titty fuck and cleaned her off like a gentleman before rolling her over on her stomach so she wouldn’t choke on her own vomit. The next morning when the smell of her own breath woke her, he was standing over her asking for her black amex card. Second time this week this scenario went down, and it’s just Tuesday, dammit.

  26. GravyLeg

    Same smell too mama…

  27. A drinking problem? Or a sausage problem?

  28. Joe Blow

    Jeesh, when is she going to pull herself together? She divorced Nick Lachey, not Johnny Depp.

  29. abe vigoda's eyebrows

    She is NOT FAT. She is much heavier than she used to be, but to call her FAT is ridiculous. Now, I will agree that she makes herself look fat in everything she wears…….so the fact that she has a multi-million dollar fashion empire is just mind boggling to me. Who buys her clothes/shoes?

    It’s as bad as Britney having perfumes- who the hell wants to smell like Britney? She looks like she smells of cigarettes, feet and cheetos.

  30. smiley

    I feel a bit sorry for her, yeah, she’s a bit of a dimwit and all that, but doesn’t strike me a bad person. She has a problem – why aren’t family and friends doing something??? Intervention time people.

  31. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    We are SO cuter than Nick and Vanessa.

  32. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    what the fuck is she wearing? looks like my curtains.

  33. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    oh and Travis Barker is not a singer

  34. seth rogen's vagina

    I’d hit that twice a day, and 3 times on Sundays. Wth, she’s got a bajillion dollars, dumb as a rock, she’d be the perfect wife! You could probably get away with banging hookers right in front of her, and she’d believe you when you tell her it’s just the cleaning lady and you’re helping with the housework. yeah baby, let me hold the checkbook for a while, i’ll bring you back some KFC. and if she ever left you, well who cares, she was fat anyway.

    • Johnny Cage

      If she were my wife she’d need all that money to invest in Gator aid and energy drinks. Because as soon as we’d hit the bed, we ain’t never leaving the room. We’d just be caving in the walls every day. We’d explore every position imaginable including personal favorites like Reverse Cowgirl while twirling around on to the sealing fan.

      And I’d destroy Pam Anderson and Shania Twain’s ass even worse than that.

  35. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Britney actually looks pretty good!

  36. Deacon Jones

    I think we’re being a bit judgemental of the picture here folks….maybe that’s her “bad side”.

  37. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Hope their car was equipped with barf bags….and air freshener…

  38. atotalcad

    She still fucks better than your mom fucks sober.

  39. Urbanspaceman

    Well, not since the funnel was invented.

  40. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    We’ve all been there. It’s a yucky feeling.

    But hey, she didn’t fall down & she ain’t driving. Tent dress aside her legs look fantastic.
    WTF good is it to be rich, relatively young & attractive if you can’t go out & get trashed at a hot nightspot with your ex-NFL beefy BF by your side to carry you home?

  41. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Who let the dogs out?

  42. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    I'm on my Period.
    Commented on this photo:

    Lol, listen to that song whilst looking at this photo. Pure gold.

  43. honestly

    just think. he’ll be puttin’ it in her butt tonight and she won’t remember a thing.

    a thing, i tell you.

  44. Lovemypussyhairthick

    She does hae drinking problem, she has a staying sober problem. I hope she doesn’t shave her pussy.

    • Johnny Cage

      So true, blonde colored vagina rules. I’d like to get a hairball while deep jungle exploring in that.

  45. Jessica Simpson Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    Nice thighs!

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