Jessica Simpson’s Dad Was Gay This Whole Time

October 24th, 2012 // 72 Comments
Okay, Now I Get It
Jessica Simpson Butt
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What? This guy? Get outta here.

Years ago, I had a roommate who was a flamingly gay ballerina that I worked with at Applebee’s who used to spend 75% of his shift running around screaming “TITTIES!” while grabbing every chick in the restaurant’s breasts. A series of events I should’ve remembered each time I joked about Papa Joe getting hungry for boob-meat every time he’s around Jessica Simpson because it turns out he’s been secretly gay this whole time. (Or not so secretly after looking at this gallery.) Via RadarOnline:

And not only has a family source told The National Enquirer that 54-year-old Joe came out of the closet, the source says the former youth pastor and Baptist minister has a 20-some­thing boy toy!
The stunning confession was the real reason wife Tina filed for divorce from Joe, her husband of 34 years, in late September, the Enquirer reports.
“Joe got the family together about two months ago and came out of the closet,” an insider divulged. “He told them that he’d tried to continue in his marriage to Tina, but he couldn’t go on any longer and deny the fact that he had these feelings for men.

Granted, this all comes by way of the Enquirer, Joe was a Baptist preacher and this pic exists, so someone should probably tell Pete Wentz to buy a rape kit. Let’s just cut to the chase.

Photos: Getty


  1. Joe Simpson Gay
    Commented on this photo:

    Frank’s bored facial expression and paint-splattered shirt make up the perfect diversion for his 3-foot long cock.

  2. Burt

    Aren’t most preachers and priests gay, anyway?

  3. Joe Simpson Gay
    Commented on this photo:

    ….The frost….sometimes it makes the blade stick……

  4. Joe Simpson Gay
    Commented on this photo:

    “So, like, in that movie Gladiator, did things ever get weird when y’all were pretendin’ to be, like, slaves or anything? You know like, ‘droppin the soap’ and stuff? Naaah, naah I’m just messin with yah. You were in great shape though, man. I mean, what? Who said that? Smile!”

  5. Joe Simpson Gay
    Commented on this photo:

    Gay or straight, why the hell did he feel the need to dress like a sulky 14 year old boy circa 1998?

  6. Joe Simpson Gay
    a nancy
    Commented on this photo:

    In every photo, Joe Simpson has his hands on another man.

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