Jessica Simpson Confirms She’s Having A Boy By Announcing His Weiner Is Making Her Nauseous

March 7th, 2013 // 22 Comments
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Granted we already know Jessica Simpson‘s naming her unborn son Ace Johnson, she’s never actually confirmed she’s having a boy. So fortunately she knocked that out last night by announcing the gender of her baby on Jimmy Kimmel Live! (above) with a dick joke as all children should be proclaimed to the world. It’s a proud way, a noble way:

“Yeah, I’ve been vomiting. The crazy thing is that I never knew a weiner could actually make me nauseous. Aw, shucks! Well, I guess I just told the whole world that I’m having a boy!”

KID: Hey, Johnson, I saw a video where your mom said your weiner made her throw up.
ACE: Ha, well, that happens, I suppose. Thank you for that anecdote. It was quite humorous. *grows up, overthrows government, declares nuclear war on Chili’s* Who’s nauseous now, mother?! MUAHAHAHA! General Robot I Built In High School Because Everyone Called Me Weiner Boy, we attack Buffalo Wild Wings at dawn.

Exactly how that story ends.

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  1. JC

    Fun fact: When Jimmy Kimmel says, “Maybe I’m making you pregnant,” and she responds, “It could be!” she’s not making a joke. She actually believes that.

    • Randal

      I love how much energy Jessica has bundled up within her. Even after getting herself pregnant again, she still radiates that soon to be motherly glow. She’s been blessed to be so fertile.

      Randal

      • Chances are she didn’t get “herself pregnant,” although, I suppose, one never knows for sure. I’m quite sure I didn’t have a hand in it…or any other body part.

  2. “General Robot I Built In High School Because Everyone Called Me Weiner Boy”

    Um…are you saying she’s carrying Anakin Skywalker in her uterus?

  3. elephantman

    Dumb as a rock!

    • And as wealthy as a Trump, although considerably cuter than even Ivanka. If I had the chance, I’d take her in a heartbeat.

      On the other hand, I’ve already raised a litter of children and really don’t feel like dealing with any more.

  4. Yeah, yeah, nauseous. But does she know that a wiener can also make her gag?

  5. Eating all those Wienerschnitzel 5 for $5 chili dogs just confused her into thinking she’s having a boy.

  6. bill

    That this white trash piece of trailer park shit has parlayed her image as a borderline retard into a billion dollar empire is the only proof needed that the idea of America has failed.

  7. Does anyone give a rat fuck what kind of baby she’s having this time? She’s just going to eat it.

  8. sc4play

    Poor boy is gonna be scarred for life. All the kids in school are gonna pick on him….’your wiener made your mom nauseous!’ And then he won’t be able to get any dares cause no girl is gonna want to take the chance……..Yeah, THANKS MOM!! Love you too!!

    • Nah. This kid’ll be going to an exclusive Hollywood school with the children of all the pregnant celebs you’ve been seeing in the last few years. Everyone will have embarrassing parental stories out there, so there won’t be much teasing ’cause it’ll be like mutually assured destruction.

  9. Inner Retard

    I know, right?! You’re just having a good time. Watching your weight for the commercials. – Sex is good for that. (winks) Next thing there is this little fucker in your belly where the first chimichanga supposed to go. I mean carrot, yummy carrot…

  10. tom

    This kid is going to come out covered in Ranch with a Krispy Kreme donut for the placenta.

  11. lol oh jessica…at least she looks healthier and less like a water buffalo this time around….

  12. I’ll bet her breasts are udderly spectacular!

  13. Unkle Tom

    That mop has lips!

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