Jessica Simpson Hates Her Baby

While you’d just assume the appetizer menu at Chili’s would be her greatest inspiration, Jessica Simpson will not be naming her unborn daughter Southwestern Eggrollesandra, but instead something that sounds exactly like a protective shield for when a woman’s uterus makes her a blight in the eyes of the Almighty. [Paid for by Rick Santroum: Stopping periods by making sure you sluts stay pregnant.] Via InTouch Weekly:

“They’re going to call her Maxwell, Maxi for short,” the friend says. Maxwell is Eric’s middle name, and also his beloved grandma’s maiden name. “Jessica wanted a name with meaning.”

Granted, this kid is light years more well-off than the furry shart Snooki will bring into the world, it’s still kind of sad she’ll have parents who openly admit they can’t stop constantly having marathon fat sex long enough to realize they just named their kid after a panty liner. “Hey, wait, doesn’t Maxi also mean- Oh, wow, you’re putting barbecue sauce on my penis. Go, GO. Keep doing that.”

Photos: INFdaily