Jessica Simpson Can’t Jog Because Her Boobs Are Too Big, I Believe Her

September 5th, 2012 // 69 Comments
Jessica Lost 35 Pounds
Jessica Simpson 35 Pounds Weight Loss Post Pregnant Fat
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Jessica Simpson will debut her Weight Watchers-sponsored post-baby body on Katie Couric’s new show next week, so here she is setting everyone’s expectations as low as possible by admitting she went way overboard during her pregnancy and now her breasts are so large she can’t even jog. Via People:

“I let myself indulge in everything I wanted because it was the first time I was ever pregnant, and I wanted to enjoy it,” Simpson, 32, tells USA Today.
That included eating one of her faves, macaroni and cheese. But Simpson didn’t quite understand how the indulgence would affect her post-baby body. “I didn’t realize [the weight] didn’t all come off with the baby,” says Simpson.

She also works out with personal trainer (and PEOPLE.com blogger) Harley Pasternak four or five times a week, mostly walking now, says Simpson, because, “my boobs are way too big to run at this point.”

Despite reports that she’s already dropped 35 pounds even though she was on a pound a week regimen, Jessica won’t reveal how much weight she’s actually lost which probably has something do with it being three months later and her breasts still keep getting bigger. In related news, Joe Simpson claims he found a magic lamp that grants him wishes in a cave shaped like a tiger’s face. “So I asked, does diamond in the rough mean likes big titties? Then BOOM. Open sesame!”

Photos: Pacific Coast News

superficial

  1. I think her everything is too big for jogging.

  2. “I didn’t realize the laws of thermodynamics still applied.”

  3. Dan Quayle

    Earthquake tumbler Hardees thickburger bowels

  4. “Jarrod, you spent too much on that locker.”

  5. “I gained 40 pounds. Shouldn’t I have given birth to a 40-pound baby?”

  6. Cock Dr

    Start swimming. Swim hard. Swim for hours.
    She’s got built in floatation devices….it should be fun for her.

  7. Deacon Jones

    She’ll come out, wrapped and disguised as much as possible.

    Then she’ll say she didnt lose the weight, and start to cry.

    Then Katie Couric will tell her she’s a beautiful woman. Then all the fat 40 something cows in the audience will stand up and howl like mad like they’re at Arsenio Hall.

  8. “Three months later and her breasts still keep getting bigger.”
    Hopefully she debuts these on the show, wearing a low-cut top.

    • vgrly

      Of course she’s going to wear something low cut. Daddy’s orders. Those are the best distractors to the fat. Case in point, Christina hendricks.

  9. Buddy The Elf

    Must be fatass and fat ass day at The Superficial?

  10. JC

    How much does stupidity weigh? I’m thinking that might be part of her problem.

  11. grobpilot

    The word is “regimen”, not “regiment”. Knucklehead.

  12. Beer Baron

    This cow needs to be milked STAT!

  13. Grace

    Bullshit. I weard 2D cups and I run 5K, no problem.
    You just need a good training bra, which she can afford.

    • DeucePickle

      I love you

    • SaintMidian

      I think you are lying. Post a pic.

    • Eddie Baby

      Grace you took the bait. Whether she can run or not has nothing to do with her losing weight. She can afford an army of nannies, personal trainers and chefs. She has no excuse.

    • Trek Girl

      You’re joking right? Her breasts are probably much bigger than D or DD cups and they are full of milk. That is not the same as someone who has DD breasts and I’m guessing isn’t lactating. I have a large breasts for my frame and jogging/running is a pain even with a good sports bra. I can imagine that hers – I mean…look at them – would cause pain and other issues that just aren’t worth whatever benefit jogging would have for her. Jogging is great, but there are other lower impact exercises that work just fine.

    • Bionic_Crouton

      There are other exercises that she can do. Trainers have heard this excuse for years and have created other workout options that large breasted women can do. Plus, she is rich enough that she can hire people to hold her breasts while she jogs (I will do it for free.).

    • Dipshit Titmongers

      I love how you all jumped on that one like dogs on a steak despite the fact that Grace with the low IQ used the word “weard”. Grace, you really should have finished Grade 2!

    • My tits are 3d. Feel. :)

    • KC

      DD’s aren’t THAT big. And running with DD’s isn’t an issue if you get a good bra (or wear two like I did in High School when I did track back before I went up a few cup sizes). The issue is when you start to get around a G or bigger, which I assume she is since she started as a DD and has ballooned up since the pregnancy. They just don’t make great bras when you have a “plus sized chest” (that’s the section you have to buy your bras in regardless of your ribcage size). The only ones I could get that are close to supportive enough dig into my sternum and are really painful to wear.

      Of course I’m aware enough to realize I can’t run for long so I wouldn’t gain 40 pounds and assume I could just jog it all off in a month.

      • Trek Girl

        Word. I’m an F – GG cup size, and finding regular bras is a pain. Finding good sports bras? Forget about it. They’re out there, but it’s still a the pain in the butt.

      • Trek Girl

        Oy, ignore the extra “the” in the last sentence.

      • KC

        Seriously. I’m your cup size and I went to Nordstrom’s and asked the sales assistant which brands carried my size so I wouldn’t waste my time looking at things that didn’t come in my size and she snottily said “They ALL do.” So I browsed and and asked her about a few brands that had styles I like. “Well those don’t come in your size.” Then they don’t ALL come in my size do they?

  14. Jessica Simpson Fat Cleavage Workout Clothes
    TheTrooffairy
    Commented on this photo:

    Who let the dog out?! Who….who….who, who?!?!

  15. Dave ain't here, man

    @Grace. How YOU doin?

  16. Gary Grant

    She needs motivation to jog. I bet if they placed a Carl’s Jr and Sonic within a five block radius of her home she’d be jogging.

  17. SaintMidian

    Can’t run? Those piggies from Biggest loser are running all over the place with boobies flapping all around! And the women are even worse than the guys!

  18. carl

    If her brain wasn’t the size of a pea her boobs wouldn’t be too big to jog.

  19. Brit

    Just do what other women do and wear two sports bras.

  20. EricLr

    Wow, Jessica Simpson has a personal trainer. That’s got to be a fun job. I think I would rather audition to be Tom Cruise’s new GF.

    • Sliver

      There needs to be a reality show: Be Tom Cruise’s Girlfriend.
      Crazy, but there would be a lot of women to show up for that one.

  21. Is that her carotid artery showing on her left udder?

    That’s a big ol’ bitch right there.

  22. zoe

    lmao! comments section is icious but hilarious lol

  23. How stupid can you get.

  24. Skeeter

    I’d motorboat those giant tits and then I’d ream her asshole for good measure.

  25. cc

    She can’t job because the tectonic plate won’t support her.

  26. anonym

    NEXT WEEK?

    Oh yeah, she’ll be wearing all black for sure.

  27. MSG

    Fuck her. “…it was the first time I was pregnant and I wanted to enjoy it.” What a bullshit excuse for gaining too much weight. “Enjoying a pregnancy” should have nothing to do with eating all the crap you want; you’re growing a person. While it’s not all rainbows & sunshine, the thing you get out of it shouldn’t be unlimited Chili’s visits.
    She sat at her trough like a stupid, selfish bitch thinking “Well, Weight Watchers will give me 3 million to loose all of this extra “baby weight” plus I can afford a personal trainer, personal chef, and a nanny, so I’m never skipping a dessert.” Fuck her.

  28. anonymous

    TMZ has 9 new pictures of her walking ever so slowly so as not to disturb her fat lady boobs. She looks just as fat as she did 4 months ago. She is carrying what appears to be an extra large container of puffed cheetos.

    http://www.tmz.com/2012/09/05/jessica-simpson-weight-body-photo/

  29. carl

    Stupid bitch.

  30. carl

    Those things look like road maps of Africa.

  31. Brooke

    It’s like we’ve all forgotten she was fat long before she got pregnant… Jessica Simpson certainly has, at least.

  32. YTBOY

    Well it will be a while before she can get into those daisy dukes!!

  33. Jessica Simpson Fat Cleavage Workout Clothes
    YTBOY
    Commented on this photo:

    The curse of the white women. Once they get pregnant the body is gone FOREVER!!

  34. Joe

    She can use my mouth as a sports bra.mmmm salty like the ocean

  35. Jessica Simpson Fat Cleavage Workout Clothes
    NE1
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s lost weight? She’s bigger than she was when she was pregnant! Here’s hoping she keeps gaining so she can do another reality show about being morbidly obese.

  36. Sliver

    Running is not the only way to exercise/lose weight. I mean there are dvds you can do at home, and she can afford a home gym so as to not strike fear into other exercisers.

  37. Bee Bee

    So much scrutiny. You rarely hear people complaining about celebrity men getting fat. -_-

  38. Nour

    whoa look at the size of those glasses seriously waaaay too big

  39. Jessica Simpson Fat Cleavage Workout Clothes
    Daniel Rubio
    Commented on this photo:

    FAT PEOPLE ARE STUPID!

  40. Jessica Simpson Fat Cleavage Workout Clothes
    Commented on this photo:

    She is huge. I remember when I was younger being jealous of this fat whore for having big tits. now I am 110 lbs at 5’3 with big B cups. Everything this skank has can be bought- her lip injections, boobs, ass, weave, highlights, of course the cow forgot the lipo. I hate this bitch, always have. Her baby girl is ugly and a disgrace to America. Shannon McIntire google it

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