Jessica Simpson: ‘My Breasts Get Me Out of Parking Tickets’

“So I said, ‘If I can’t fart in here, why are my boobs so big?’ We signed the deal that night.”

Jessica Simpson appears in People’s World’s Most Beautiful Issue where she discusses having huge breasts since the sixth grade which I’m going to read as her dad took her swimming a lot:

“There’s no way to hide them as much as you want to bandage your boobs down.” Simpson, 30, has since learned to embrace her chest as her “best accessory,” telling PEOPLE, “Now I can make my way in and out of parking tickets: Show the girls and give a wink!”

Of course, the joke’s on Jessica Simpson because parking tickets are all of what $10-15? Not to mention, she lives in Hollywood where the police will literally shoot somebody if a celebrity asks them to. “Well, Ms. Simpson, you did drive your car through a day care, but don’t you worry. *click click* I’ll handle the witnesses. And, yes, I see what you’re doing there with your shirt up. I’m, uh, I’m actually a woman, but don’t be embarrassed, you’ve been through a terrible ordeal. Now where was I? Eyewitnesses, right.” *BANG BANG BANG BANG*

Photos: Splash News