Jessica Simpson Bought Her Own Ring

November 16th, 2010 // 68 Comments

To the surprise of absolutely no one, Jessica Simpson more than likely paid for her own $100,000 engagement ring because Eric Johnson is broke from his divorce. You know, the one that was just finalized in September. Popeater reports:

“No way could Eric, who doesn’t have a job at the moment, afford to purchase such an expensive ring,” a friend of Jessica’s tells me. “Yes, he made a little bit of money in the NFL and is from a wealthy family, but unless his parents helped him out, Jessica must have paid for it herself.”

On top of that, Popeater is also claiming Jessica does not want a prenup, yet somehow this isn’t concerning people because Jessica Simpson has the self-awareness of a McRib patty:

“What’s the big deal? Jessica has more money than she can ever spend,” another friend explains. “If she wants to treat her future husband, friends or even herself to an expensive piece of jewelry, it’s her business and no one else.”

Of course, the real issue here is a bad case of the “baby-crazy.” Jessica just turned 30 in July, yet still lives a sad, childless existence while her younger, thinner little sister runs around waving a baby boy in her jowls. Which means Eric Johnson is so unbelievably set in this situation, he won’t even have to keep a straight face when he tells her it costs $1 million each time he ejaculates.

JESSICA: I don’t even know what that word means, but I get a baby, right?
ERIC: Uh huh.
JESSICA: DADDY! Checkbook.
JOE: *from inside closet* Not until I see some naked stuff first. Touch her boob!

Photos: Splash News

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  1. devilsrain

    Shes ballooning up again

    • Randal

      Now really, is a ring necessary, Jessica? No, it’s not, especially when the two of you love each other. A ring won’t make that stronger because emotions for another come from within the heart and I think that’s what you really need to start focusing on. Toss the ring, girlfriend and keep to what’s true!

      Don’t listen to the haters telling you that you are fat because you’re not. A full figured woman with soft cushions to boot will always beat out sticks and stones. Don’t let words bring you down.

      xoxo

      Randal

      • Jake

        Wait until after their marriage. [add 20 lbs]

        Then she get knocked up [add 30lbs]

        Then, post-partum she realizes baby fat isn’t getting away, and he husband is starting to look at her bank account and the fine, young woman out there [add 50 lbs].

        Then, as the divorce issue is raised [loses 30lbs in unsuccessful, desperate attempt to keep man]

        Post-divorce [gain 60lbs]

        Becomes new Slimfast spokeswomen.

      • How weird

        Yes, a ring is necessary. Nothing can sparkle like a giant diamond, but the best part, is that a diamond ring, the size of a doorknob, really will make all of your girlfriends green with envy, and have your father say things like – “I guess he’s not so bad after all.” Priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • She looks a little bit like Kirstie Alley. As in, Large. By goodness she went from hotty to potty in such a short time. Was her Ex THAT dang good? I mean it’s Nick Lachey for fuck sakes!!! Get a grip woman!!! Get some control of your life!!! This whole engagement thing sounds a WEEE bit reactionary to her Ex getting engaged.

  2. oooaaahhh

    Nice job you have fish. Start posting at 11AM and finish up at 5 PM? Hard work ma’boy!

  3. Mena

    No shit Sherlock. Everyone knew that the moment she had on that classless looking thing. Only someone who wears mom jeans would think that ring was hot. Shes the worst type of hoe. A willing one.

  4. Cock Dr

    Yeah, because Jessica Simpson is just SO hideous & fat….she has to pay a guy to couple with her.
    That’s BS. She may be a plumper but she’s still plenty cute & probably great in the sack.
    Kinda sad that so many think that he’s only with her for current & future financial security. Whatever happened to the concept of tru luv?
    Well, that might be the wrong question to ask on this particular forum.

    • just here for laughs

      Well, we all know Mayer thinks she’s sexual napalm…

      • WTF Report

        Mayer will fuck anything so I always figured he has her confused with someone else. Not that desperation doesn’t bring sometimes bring something to the table, but if she’s all that why does she practically have to buy a guy to marry her? Jessica always struck me as one of those passive lie-there-until-daddy’s-finished types. (WIth a few farts thrown in during it all just for excitement).

      • That’s only so he could explain away the burning sensation afterwards.

    • louse

      How great is a fat bitch in the sack who has bad gas? This guy is gonna ditch the cow when he is ready and make out like a bandit.

      • Jillia

        @WTF Report,
        Couldn’t agree with you more on the “Jessica always struck me as one of those passive lie-there-until-daddy’s-finished types.” I feel like Mayer said that either to be nice because he felt bad or was just totally BS’ing everyone for whatever reason. Point is it’s just to stark a contrast, from dead fish to sexual napalm. I smell bullshit…

      • Jillia what you smell is a Jessica Simpson Dutch Oven Special dear …

      • mick

        I hope when the dude ditches her, he joins me in my sack – he is hawt!

      • Ben

        I totally agree. Mayer said that to be nice and just mess with the media’s head. I Don’t believe for one minute this fat ass chick is good in bed at all. like the other poster was say already porky here weight is going to balloon up after he marry Miss Piggy here.

    • mud butt

      @Dr – C’mon now…he engaged her within weeks of his divorce – that means it’s open season.

  5. fester

    Probably shrewd that she is already making wardrobe choices from Kirstie Alley’s “Sea World” collection. I realize it is traditional for brides to pork out AFTER the nuptials but what the hell, her rent-boy fiancee is just a placeholder until a better sucker comes along.

  6. Fifth

    Cool. Fifth…wait, not cool ;-(

  7. Eric Johnson is to Jessica Simpson what Nick Cannon is to Mariah Carey.

    • Anon

      Yeah but Nick Canon…hell even K-Fed…had jobs.

      • J-Rock

        Yeah, because being a Yale graduate, superstar Ivy League football career, and a 5 year pro football career means he’s a loser like K-Fed.

      • Anon

        Meh different background…same result. With all that “talent/pedigree” he is still marrying a chick who makes less than Britney and Mariah.

  8. timbo

    if she bought it herself why not buy a nicer one than that cheap looking thing? Maybe her dad picked it out, he seems like a pretty tacky guy

  9. GravyLeg

    Every time I see this dude’s name I think he is gonna grab a guitar and start ripping Cliffs of Dover… Disappointed.

    And I can get past her plump issues… Let’s face it she has money and a huge rack…. What I cannot get past is the fact that what would be considered a “Intellectual” conversation with her would probably center around Pork Rinds and the vast variations of flavor options therein….

  10. Chinny

    Will he just knock her up already? I love big titties!

  11. Lady Blah Blah

    She’s fat and desperate, which is to say, fat.

  12. Kerri

    wow she is getting seriously fat. way to dress to compliment your body Jess!

  13. Mena

    In this pic he looks like Kato Kaelen.

  14. McFeely Smackup

    Why would we assume that a guy who played for the NFL for 8 years can’t afford to buy anything…or for that matter is unemployed? If I’d earned that amount of money in that time, I’d be what you “fucking retired”.

    • Splotz

      Yeah but the problem is if you’re a low level player in the NFL or NBA you’re hanging out with guys making probably 10x what you are or more. So you start to go to dinners you can’t afford, buy a house thats a little out of your price range all to try and keep up with the real stars. Next thing you know you’re broke and holding your fiancees trough in one hand and your dignity in the other.

  15. Jessica’s quite happy to fart and pay for a family. She’s practically a man. That makes e-jo the bitch. He looks gayer than happy hour.

  16. anonymous

    ha! called it. I knew she bought her own ring. It’s not even a true engagement ring.

    she probably bought it weeks ago. wigged out over her ex-husband’s engagement announcement and forced her engagement on her bf.

    I bet he responded by telling her no prenup and it’s on.

  17. JD

    Think she shaves it? I’m saying no, I think full bush. A porky farter has to go full bush, it’s only right.

  18. Features

    OMG he looks just like Tori Spellings scabby husband in this pic …..

  19. Alex

    Damn. I was going to comment on Jessica having more money than she will ever spend as an embellishment of the truth, but her brand is worth 400 million! Who the hell even buys her shit? It’s one of those questions I can’t seem to answer such as who in the hell watches Jersey Shore? I guess there are more thirteen year olds and dissatisfied soccer moms in the world than I thought.

    • anonymous

      unfortunately the source to that $400 mil number is JS herself. This is the same business savant that farts during business meetings and gains 10lbs every time Nick and Vanessa are photographed together smiling.

  20. JesseJimmy

    Imagine her surprise when she arrived at the pow-wow and found out that Navajo didn’t mean what she thought it did.

  21. Rather

    “What’s the big deal? Jessica has more money than she can ever spend”

    Well that’s a relief! She’s just like M.C. Hammer, Nicolas Cage, Michael Jackson, and Lindsay Lohan. There’s no way a person could blow through as much money as Jessica has.

  22. Rough...always sensitive

    Bastard!!!! I’m practically green….A woman who romances you like that, is the sexiest on earth….

  23. Joe

    I’m sterile, but I’d love to string her along.

    J: Why am I not getting pregnant?
    Me: I don’t know, let’s try again.

    Later…
    J: Why am I not getting pregnant?
    Me: I don’t know, let’s try again.

  24. jj

    Of COURSE she bought her own ring and doesn’t want a prenup, no guy in his right mind would get engaged not even a month after his divorce was finalized!! She is the rebound girl, he would never have agreed to marry her if she wasn’t loaded

  25. Lou

    If she bought a ring that’s so ugly and cost so much why doesn’t she get a trainer and a nutritionist since she is so loaded

  26. Jessica Simpson Eric Johnson
    nic
    Commented on this photo:

    if the guy is so poor, he would obviously hold off proposing to her until he could afford a ring. what kind of guy lets his fiance buy her own engagement ring?! this just seems like nothing more than jessica’s retaliation against nick.

  27. Jessica Simpson Eric Johnson
    nic
    Commented on this photo:

    if the guy is so poor, he would obviously hold off proposing to her until he could afford a ring. what kind of guy lets his fiance buy her own engagement ring?! this just seems like nothing more than jessica’s retaliation against nick.

    Reply

  28. CptCreep

    Do you ever wonder if her head is actually just a the third massive boob she has? It would explain so much.

  29. I bet she catches her own bouquet at the wedding too.

  30. puddleduck

    Hey lard ass… that fugly poncho doesn’t do a damn thing for your figure. You must have really pissed off your stylist. I have something similar to what you’re wearing to cover my car seats so my ass won’t stick during the summer.

  31. Amy

    Oh it must be terrible having to wallow around in millions and screw Jessica at her beck and call. Just terrible.

    Oh and who cares if she bought her own ring? She’s a millionaire with expensive taste. She probably didn’t want the $10,000 ring he could afford her. Nothing wrong with that.

    Regardless of anything we say, they’ll be divorced within a year.

  32. Just Cause

    Desperation, thy name is Jessica.

  33. Evil

    Doubt they are screwing all that much. A fat chick like JS who dresses the way JS does won’t put out too often because of body image issues. She still will show some breast because that’s about the only left that’s sexy about her. The rest she covers up and rightfully so.

    She’s so hard up; she’ll be willing to pay for more than just her own ring.

    Awesome for him for getting the golddigging gig; wish my guidance couselor told me about that career option when I was younger.

  34. notafan

    It would be more cost-effective to just buy sperm ;-) You can buy a husband, but sometimes you can’t pay him enough to stay. I feel bad for her. Then again, she might already be pregnant – she is looking heavier than she usually does.

  35. Brooke

    I guess it’s possible he got the money from his family, right? The ring was so ugly I was pretty positive a football jock picked it out.

    This girl… she’s getting to the point where she’s so beyond pathetic it’s hard to laugh. She’s about three bus stations from Britney Street. I got a chuckle out of her super photoshopped single cover that is itself a spliced version of Mariah Carey’s famous Christmas song, but it’s going to make me sad when she gets a reality show for her wedding and the groom, dramatically, ends up leaving her at the alter. I’m calling it.

  36. yikes

    She needs to stop eating – now.

  37. It didn’t say she bought it. The friend or source was speculating. Change the title to “might have”. She’s gonna pork up more now, the challenge is over.

  38. fatcash

    Um……. Jessica’s empire is worth 1 BILLION DOLLARS! I don’t think she’s too hard on the eyes either. Her fragrance line alone is worth 40 Million. Hmmmm…..

  39. o

    She is heavy and let herself go. . Eric is a loser. She ought to spare herself and forget marrying him , she isn’t obligated.

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