Jessica Chastain’s Probably Captain Marvel

Posted by Photo Boy

It’s time for another round of ‘Make Me Look Like An Ignorant Asshole,’ a game Fish has been playing since our college days, but at least I now understand why he always offered to pay for the MD 20/20. “I heard the Peaches & Cream doesn’t give you a hangover,” he would say. “No dude, I don’t see any facial hair,” he’d reassure me before shoving me at her. *shakes violently* For those of you who have no clue what any of this refers to, welcome, I’m about to write about comic books again.

During an interview with MTV, Jessica Chastain said that she’d had talks with Marvel about the possibility of a superhero, or even a villain role:

We’ve talked about aligning our forces in the future, Chastain said. “And here’s the thing with me… If you’re going to be in a superhero movie, you only get one chance. You’re that character forever. So why do a superhero movie and play the boring civilian?”

This isn’t really shocking since Marvel recently announced the titles and release dates for their upcoming 14,000 films over the next decade, they pretty much have to use every actor in Hollywood. What was shocking — to people unlike myself, people who don’t know the warmth of the sun, the joy from the laughter of real, live children — was a benign comment about a role for a character that wasn’t a superhero…YET! GASSSSSSSSSSSP!! Via COMICBOOK.com:

“I don’t want to say too much – but there was one thing, there was a possibility in the future of the character becoming…,” Chastain hinted. “And I was like, ‘I understand that, but I want to do it now.”

Apparently this hints to Marvel’s Captain Marvel, not to be confused with DC’s Shazam!, who I’m told is also known as Captain Marvel, so we’re completely through the looking glass here, people. How does nobody realize that we’ve handed over responsibility for our prime form of entertainment to the guys who can’t even be bothered to think of different names for characters? Did you know that Ant-Man’s power is that he can get really big, or really small? That’s it. That’s a 200 million dollar budget right there. But my admittedly ignorant outrage pales in comparison the the legion of nerds who are demanding Katee Sackhoff for the Carol Danvers or Ms. Marvel version of the role (seriously Fish, I’m staring at a bottle of pills and a handle of Jack right now), and the only reference point I have for this woman is the time in Riddick when she was told by Vin Diesel that her lipstick matches her nipples. Yep, I watched Riddick. The whole thing, even some of the credits. *rereads entire post, decides I have no right to criticize anyone’s taste in movies or pop culture preferences in general, quietly shuts down computer, walks aimlessly into forest*

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