Jessica Alba Says She Has Cellulite

October 6th, 2010 // 46 Comments

Jessica Alba appears in the latest issue of British GQ where she says a bunch of stuff about cellulite and saggy breasts that I didn’t pay attention to. Look, there comes a time in every man’s life when he has to mature and realize it’s not about what a woman say, it’s how she says it. Or something. I’ve mostly been staring at Jessica Alba’s groin until everything ceases to exist around me. It’s a very complicated, spiritual process. (Has anyone seen my crotchless bathrobe?)

Thanks to Ryan who’s selflessly offered to check for traces of cellulite using nothing but the tip of his nose. Good man.

Photos: GQ UK

superficial

  1. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Commented on this photo:

    I dunno… I’ve stared at this picture for like half an hour and I don’t see any cellulite. Just glorious box.

  2. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Uncle Jemima
    Commented on this photo:

    Pic#3 is the exit of an illegal alien sanctuary tunnel.

  3. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    boOO
    Commented on this photo:

    is that thing smell like fish like everybody else .

  4. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    holymoly
    Commented on this photo:

    ohwooow. check out that kit-kat gap. id rape that shit. ohhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!

  5. Johnny Cage

    She’s a cutie but after she got married I couldn’t look at her with the same leer in my eye. It’s the same story with Christina Hendricks. Another guy’s babe for life.

  6. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    question
    Commented on this photo:

    isnt that space between her legs kinda… large and weird?

    • shankyouverymuch

      NO it’s not large, & NO it’s not weird … at all, NOT at ALL!

      But I bet it does smell a little fishy at times :O)

  7. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    one legged
    Commented on this photo:

    how is it that no one comments that “she s on sale now”
    that means she is selling sex a bit cheaper than usual

  8. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Nichole
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s got zero cellulite!

    • v-tard

      nah, it’s all about the right poses, getting the muscles to flex and smooth out any problem areas like water in a balloon. never taking pictures from her “bad side”.

      oh and Photoshop.

  9. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Duhhh
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah she doesn’t have cellulite in magazines cause there’s this miraculous thing called… PHOTOSHOP! People are seriously deluded if they think that’s what she really looks like. Especially after having a kid.

    • chelsea

      hahaha thank you, i’m glad i’m not the only one living in reality land. of course she has cellulite, but they’re not gonna leave it for everyone to gawk at in their magazine.

  10. ®

    I know these words are thrown around more than midget bowling, but that is one mama id like to Rough….

  11. captain america

    above the right eye of this mexican slut and her *SS totally.

  12. Karen

    She must be excited that now people will finally take her seriously as an actress.

  13. Well this is a perfect opportunity… My doctor told me that I have this big ol’ long piece of skin in my groin or pelvis region, and it’s sole purpose is for checking percentage of cellulite in a girls v-jay spot, so Jessy, spread those legs wide and let me have look. I also has measuring line both up and down the length of the schlong as well as around the girth, so it can double as a check for saggy breasts. However, we must act now, I need to get some baseline measurements, and then do monthly checks to keep a close eye and schlong on things. Call me sweet Jessie, we’ll work you into my busy schedule. xoxo

  14. Burt

    Sounds to me like her publicist told her to say that BS. She wants to be taken seriously as an actress now that she’s a mom. We get it.

  15. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Herman Bumfucle
    Commented on this photo:

    i’m having a lousy day, but this makes my day feel so much better. jessica, you are so fucking beautiful.

  16. Burke, Esq.

    Take this shit outta here..Taliban terrorist supporter.

    Absolute NO relevancy to this post.

  17. dukeofdoug

    I think that, considering her negative influence on Jessica’s self-esteem and willingness to do nudity, that we men should all make a blood pact and swear that the first order of business, once someone invents a time machine, is to go back to 1982 and “disappear” Jessica Alba’s grandmother. With extreme prejudice. Look her up and see the damage she has wrought on us.

  18. Parker

    I love anal stuff but(T) somehow, someway defying reason, I am not suppressing my homosexuality. I never speak of vaginas, only anuses.

  19. Oh yea, love how men here are saying she isn’t fuckable or attractive. Please, any one of us would be smiling like thieves if we had the opportunity to be with Alba. Most of the men who are criticizing her body are the same ones who don’t go out at night or meet real humans in person. The world isn’t just filled with webcam chicks you know. Go out, meet a woman, see what they are like in person. You might be much less critical when you realize your pocket protector wearing, Video Game playing, Star Trek Obsessing, Mom’s basement living ass isn’t the ideal for women too.

    There is nothing at all physically wrong with Jessica Alba. She’s had a kid, big whoop. Doesn’t mean her pussy is floppy and nasty. It stretches then stretches back you know. It’s ELASTIC ffs. She has some cellulite. Big whoop, she’s not 18 anymore she is a woman.

  20. Armando

    Check out the movie “The Killer Inside Me” she’s naked and getting her ass spanked hard, hard, hard and fucked by Casey Affleck. I didn’t see any cellulite.

  21. anonymous

    don’t you have to actually have breasts for them to sag? it’s more like her nipples are heading south

  22. Fishstix

    Yeah, and then there’s the fact that the vagina is a muscle..

  23. Rick's Daddy

    No thanks this mexican-ish bitch, can keep her stadium sized vagina. Pass.

  24. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    jose
    Commented on this photo:

    all shes doin people, is trying to score points with the target demographic that absolutely despises her for having such an incredible body. She’s not crazy, its calculated.

  25. Jessica Alba in British GQ
    Commented on this photo:

    where do i buy this AMIZING swimsuit???!

  26. God

    “had a baby Next”

    Priceless.

  27. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Ray Sist.
    Commented on this photo:

    As someone already said – Photoshop trimming and color correcting!

  28. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    CardinalFang
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s quite the gap!

  29. Jessica Alba in British GQ
    Melchor
    Commented on this photo:

    Screw that, she’s hot!

  30. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    joe
    Commented on this photo:

    Jessica has some sexy lips.
    And.. is a certainly a Milf.
    Besides ‘into the blue” and that stripper
    character , been kinda boring.
    I’m not into her that much anymore. she
    was hotter circa – the “Dark angel” days.
    Definitely hit it though… like 2 or 25 times.

  31. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    emaa
    Commented on this photo:

    she is super pretty

  32. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    saphire
    Commented on this photo:

    I think she look healthy . She is not ugly and not because she has a daughter doesn’t mean that she is less atractive..please…

  33. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    saphire
    Commented on this photo:

    I think that Jessica Alba should not pay attention to those negative comments cause at the end of the day she”s rich and she could do anything to inprove her body..so be it….

  34. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Blondie
    Commented on this photo:

    And stoned…..

  35. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Mel
    Commented on this photo:

    Of course she’s got a gap, her husband is half african american… That shits TORE up!!! lol!! Plus who cares about her, she’s angry all the damn time. Either she’s not getting it right, or she needs to get more… Maybe cash should stick it in her other hole, then take some pics:) lol Maybe the biatch will smile for once!!! She’s old news anyways… NEXT!!!

  36. Jessica Alba in GQ UK
    Mel
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s trying to hard in this pic… she’s not sexy, she’s ANGRY!!! She may be pretty at most times, but come on now,,, its HOLLYWOOD!!! They get the best of the best… Botox, trainers, the best makeup artist… You think there going to let her walk out the door looking tore up… Jess smile for once,,, your life isn’t THAT bad!!!

  37. Aesir Warrior

    To those of you Odinless worms making bullshit remarks about dear Jessica’s ethnicity, congeal in Niflheim for eternity!

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  39. Clara

    Jessica had cellulite before she had her baby. It’s a picture of her hugging Cash on the beach. You see some ripples and dimples. Nice to use the baby excuse. She gets photoshopped, wears a ton of makeup and fake hair like most Hollywood types. I even noticed a bald spot on the back of her Jessica’s head one time. I think she’s incredibly mousy looking. She’s overhyped in the looks department. Attractive but there are many famous and unknown women that look as good or better.

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