Duggars Milk Molestation Mess For More Moolah

19 Kids And Counting might be off the air forever, but there’s always been a chance that a Duggars spinoff featuring Jill and Jessa could still happen which would keep that sweet Jesus money rolling in because Christian suckers are a goddamn goldmine which is why I’m starting my own devotional series, but enough about these crayon drawings I made of Moses blowing up Target. Anyway, after two of its top shows blew up in its face in under a year, TLC really has to look like it suddenly gives a shit about the sexual abuse of children, so it’s airing a one-hour documentary that Jill and Jessa will participate in and milk being molested by Josh Duggar so at least a few Duggars can get back on TV. PEOPLE reports:

Viewers will also hear from experts during a sexual abuse prevention training given by Darkness to Light, one of the nation’s leading organizations for abuse prevention, where Jill and Jessa Duggar attend following their own family’s experience as they hope to help others and promote adult education for the protection of children.

In the Duggars’ defense, the YouTube shit can’t be cutting it. You try feeding 87 kids with today’s click-through rates. It’s impossible. So why not take the lemon God’s given you, and turn all the child molestation he did under your watch into lemonade? That’s gotta be in The Bible. Somewhere.

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