Jessa Duggar Just Went Against The Family

“I told my husband I had a headache last night. Muahahaha!”

In probably the most scandalous news to come out of the Duggars since Josh molested everybody then fucked a bunch of porn stars behind his pregnant wife’s back while publicly preaching that gays are ruining the sanctity of marriage, Jessa Duggar will adopt her next child instead of the family tradition of shitting out babies until her uterus turns to dust and she’s banished to the wilderness to be eaten by bears. I’m assuming. PEOPLE reports:

New parents Jessa (Duggar) Seewald and husband Ben are already thinking about baby number two.
The couple, who welcomed their first child Nov. 5, would like to adopt in the future, though they may have to wait a bit.
We would love it if our next baby is adopted,” Jessa, 23, tells PEOPLE in this week’s cover story.

As for Jessa’s sudden decision to go against what she’s literally been taught her entire life is her sole purpose for being, she had to be rushed to the hospital after her natural home birth ended with her almost bleeding to death. (What are the odds?) Which was apparently all the push she needed to think, “Wait a minute, maybe I shouldn’t fuck and fuck and fuck my whole life until babies come out and then fuck some more in case Jesus uses his magic to pop another one in there.” Sure, adoption is a wonderful, charitable act of compassion that one might say is probably the only Christ-like thing this gingham baby-making cult has ever done, but it doesn’t involve Jenna’s husband using her like a 24/7 fuckhorse, so how are the Duggars going to play this? Burning at the stake? Stoning? Or will they just chop off a hand because handjobs are The Devil’s shortcut? I bet it’s that.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Getty