Public Service Announcement: Herpes is Airborne Now. Repeat. Herpes is Airborne Now.

June 25th, 2012 // 77 Comments
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“And so, gentlemen, what I propose is this: We take young men and women of ill repute who have over time acquired a myriad of diseases transmitted from intercourse, adorn them in provocative swimwear so as to be pleasing to the eye and then give them all jetpacks. From there, America’s shores will crumble paving the way for our armies to crush them in their weakened state of carnal gluttony.

Also, one of them should get pregnant and eat pickles all the time. Do not ask me why, know only that it amuses your Führer. Oh, how my little pig-naut will love its pickles…

- Adolph Hitler,
1 June 1935

P.S. Should this plan, for whatever reason, not come to action, I have another idea that’s almost as good. Almost. We’ll need ovens though.

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News

superficial

  1. Oh god! The TV just made a really long warning tone. This is it! Hug your kids!

  2. The Situation Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Ruckus
    Commented on this photo:

    GO GO GADGET DOUCHEBAG!

  3. Ronnie Ortiz-Magro Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    ahhuh
    Commented on this photo:

    nice imprint

  4. The Situation Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    Not sure it has enough fuel to get all the way to Provincetown.

  5. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Commented on this photo:

    “Turn it up…more….more…ok, go full power…Christ…shut it down. Didn’t you tell them these things are only rated for 500 lbs?”

  6. GetOverYourself

    If there is a God, that jetpack is on a non stop trip to the sun.

  7. Ronnie Ortiz-Magro Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    NYAYYYY! I’M FWYING!

  8. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    “OK…PUNCH IT! Let’s get her into orbit so she never comes back.”

  9. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    I imagine a video of this would just look like one of those 3 Stooges episodes with a lose fire hose flailing around.

  10. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Commented on this photo:

    “Jesus, look at this one. Better strap on another one.”

  11. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    Big, long, black thing between the legs? 5 bucks says Kim Kardashian is here tomorrow.

  12. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Cock Dr
    Commented on this photo:

    Everything in this photo is straining hard.

  13. Pauly D Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Shellz
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait, so did they not have a helmet to fit over Pauly’s blowout?

  14. Vinny Guadagnino Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Pepper's Pot
    Commented on this photo:

    to infinity… and beyond!!

  15. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    That tiger has turned into the pinwheel of cellulite.

  16. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “Hey, you didnt tell me this water jetpack would make my thighs look like a leather couch.”

    “It didn’t”

  17. The Situation Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Deacon Jones
    Commented on this photo:

    “…HEYYYY YOUUU GUYYYSSS! “

  18. Ronnie Ortiz-Magro Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    Now we know why Sami kept going back….

  19. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    stacy
    Commented on this photo:

    Just keep the face covered and we have a winner.

  20. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    GoldenEggThisWAY>sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
    Commented on this photo:

    vaJlips

  21. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    stacy
    Commented on this photo:

    You know she has a dildo and butt plug in her while she is doing this.

  22. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Jerry
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s distressing to me that we are only a thin strip of fabric away from seeing Jenni’s baby-cannon.

  23. tlmck

    “I told you we were going to need the NASA rockets for Deena!”

  24. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    stacy
    Commented on this photo:

    She turned the vibrator on.

  25. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Really?
    Commented on this photo:

    Someone thought the contents of her head was valuable enough to require a helmet. Interesting.

  26. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    stacy
    Commented on this photo:

    So far JWoww is the only one who can operate that thing correctly.

  27. The Situation Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    stacy
    Commented on this photo:

    Pigeon toed. You know he has his ass clenched tight.

  28. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    stacy
    Commented on this photo:

    I would hit it now, especially after she used that jet to power wash that crotch of hers.

  29. John

    “P.S. Should this plan, for whatever reason, not come to action, I have another idea that’s almost as good. Almost. We’ll need ovens though.”

    I am done with The Superficial!
    I love a good joke but this type of statement is beyond comprehension and good taste.
    You lost a reader today.

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      I failed to give a fuck today.

      Although I do love the “you lost a reader” comments.

      fucking hilarious.

    • Deacon Jones

      John,

      Whoever prefaces something with “I love a good joke, BUT” obviously doesn’t truly understand comedy.

    • doood

      too soon?
      meh idk.. pulling off a hitler joke is difficult and takes expert finesse.
      i think fish missed the mark here but its just a joke ffs.

      • Schmidtler

        What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
        Pizzas don’t scream when you put them in the oven!

        Now THAT is how you pull off holocaust humor with finesse!

    • Honestly, I expected way more thin-skinned whiners proclaiming their intention to never come back here again. *shrug*

  30. Vinny Guadagnino Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    To DOUCH-inity… and BEYOND!!!!!

  31. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    PIGS….. IN….. SPAAAAaaaaAAAACE!

  32. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    CRASH!… CARSH!… CRASH!…
    damn.

  33. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    “Ma’am.. we DON’T want the life vest back. It would be oxymoronic to give it to the next person. Because it’s diseased now and could, in fact, kill someone. OXY-moronic. O.X.Y.M.. You know what, just get off my beach!”

  34. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    “This is nothing like my sybian!”

  35. Pauly D Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    CK
    Commented on this photo:

    Yeah, he’s probably pretty used to kneeling in front of shirtless guys who wear gay hats.

  36. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Doctor_Joystick
    Commented on this photo:

    If this is what our space program has become, the Chinese are totally gonna fuck us.

  37. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    anny_nonomous
    Commented on this photo:

    At least Michael Lohan got a job.

  38. Vinny Guadagnino Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Doctor_Joystick
    Commented on this photo:

    His chest tattoo reads “Let Go and Let God”. I really wish he would have done that at this very moment.

  39. Headlines like this are reasonably terrifying when read from an RSS feed.

  40. Odious_One

    She’s a squirter !

  41. cc

    Betrayed by my lack of technical skills again…I’d rigged this to carry her into the sun. Sorry guys.

  42. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    ChickenHawk
    Commented on this photo:

    “Burn that harness…”

  43. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Name (Visible)
    Commented on this photo:

    JCoww

  44. dude

    those aren’t jetpacks, they’re medical devices that pump excess semen out of people.

  45. Blech

    Because polluting our oceans with oil just wasn’t enough…

  46. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Commented on this photo:

    When i was a young boy, I asked my daddy if i could grow up to be an astronaut.
    He said to me, “Sheeeit, when pigs fly.”
    Guess what? I’m going into SPACE!!!

  47. JWoww Bikini Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    wow, Danica McKellar has really let herself go since she got divorced

  48. El Jefe

    So you start the day off with Jessica Biel’s amazing ass at the beach and then you fucking kick us in the nuts at the end of the day with this shit?

    Fuck you, fuck you and the horse you rode on in.

  49. The Situation Jet Pack Jersey Shore
    Ollie
    Commented on this photo:

    He loves the sensation of a 6 foot BBC (big black cable) throbbing behind him.

  50. Deena Cortese Jersey Shore Jet Pack
    Ollie
    Commented on this photo:

    Zoom in to see the rolls of fat. But don’t look too far down or your eyes will immediately catch herpes.

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