“And so, gentlemen, what I propose is this: We take young men and women of ill repute who have over time acquired a myriad of diseases transmitted from intercourse, adorn them in provocative swimwear so as to be pleasing to the eye and then give them all jetpacks. From there, America’s shores will crumble paving the way for our armies to crush them in their weakened state of carnal gluttony.
Also, one of them should get pregnant and eat pickles all the time. Do not ask me why, know only that it amuses your Führer. Oh, how my little pig-naut will love its pickles…
- Adolph Hitler,
1 June 1935
P.S. Should this plan, for whatever reason, not come to action, I have another idea that’s almost as good. Almost. We’ll need ovens though.
Photos: INFdaily, Splash News
Oh god! The TV just made a really long warning tone. This is it! Hug your kids!
GO GO GADGET DOUCHEBAG!
nice imprint
Not sure it has enough fuel to get all the way to Provincetown.
“Turn it up…more….more…ok, go full power…Christ…shut it down. Didn’t you tell them these things are only rated for 500 lbs?”
If there is a God, that jetpack is on a non stop trip to the sun.
NYAYYYY! I’M FWYING!
I was chuckling when I saw the picture and I ACTUALLY guffawed when I read this. I might have to start stalking you.
“OK…PUNCH IT! Let’s get her into orbit so she never comes back.”
I imagine a video of this would just look like one of those 3 Stooges episodes with a lose fire hose flailing around.
loose, too.
Now that’s funny! Can you just see it— Hey moe, Hey Moe!
“Jesus, look at this one. Better strap on another one.”
Big, long, black thing between the legs? 5 bucks says Kim Kardashian is here tomorrow.
She’ll want to buy the entire operation with all the money she’s worked so hard to get, but Kanye will forbid her out of jealousy
HAHAHA!!! Good call! Actually thinking about it, its a no brainer!
Everything in this photo is straining hard.
Wait, so did they not have a helmet to fit over Pauly’s blowout?
to infinity… and beyond!!
That tiger has turned into the pinwheel of cellulite.
“Hey, you didnt tell me this water jetpack would make my thighs look like a leather couch.”
“It didn’t”
“…HEYYYY YOUUU GUYYYSSS! “
Now we know why Sami kept going back….
Just keep the face covered and we have a winner.
vaJlips
You know she has a dildo and butt plug in her while she is doing this.
It’s distressing to me that we are only a thin strip of fabric away from seeing Jenni’s baby-cannon.
“I told you we were going to need the NASA rockets for Deena!”
She turned the vibrator on.
Someone thought the contents of her head was valuable enough to require a helmet. Interesting.
So far JWoww is the only one who can operate that thing correctly.
Pigeon toed. You know he has his ass clenched tight.
I would hit it now, especially after she used that jet to power wash that crotch of hers.
“P.S. Should this plan, for whatever reason, not come to action, I have another idea that’s almost as good. Almost. We’ll need ovens though.”
I am done with The Superficial!
I love a good joke but this type of statement is beyond comprehension and good taste.
You lost a reader today.
I failed to give a fuck today.
Although I do love the “you lost a reader” comments.
fucking hilarious.
John,
Whoever prefaces something with “I love a good joke, BUT” obviously doesn’t truly understand comedy.
too soon?
meh idk.. pulling off a hitler joke is difficult and takes expert finesse.
i think fish missed the mark here but its just a joke ffs.
What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
Pizzas don’t scream when you put them in the oven!
Now THAT is how you pull off holocaust humor with finesse!
Honestly, I expected way more thin-skinned whiners proclaiming their intention to never come back here again. *shrug*
Nobody is a thinner skinned whiner than an american jew who just heard a holocaust joke.
To DOUCH-inity… and BEYOND!!!!!
PIGS….. IN….. SPAAAAaaaaAAAACE!
CRASH!… CARSH!… CRASH!…
damn.
“Ma’am.. we DON’T want the life vest back. It would be oxymoronic to give it to the next person. Because it’s diseased now and could, in fact, kill someone. OXY-moronic. O.X.Y.M.. You know what, just get off my beach!”
“This is nothing like my sybian!”
Yeah, he’s probably pretty used to kneeling in front of shirtless guys who wear gay hats.
If this is what our space program has become, the Chinese are totally gonna fuck us.
At least Michael Lohan got a job.
His chest tattoo reads “Let Go and Let God”. I really wish he would have done that at this very moment.
Headlines like this are reasonably terrifying when read from an RSS feed.
She’s a squirter !
Betrayed by my lack of technical skills again…I’d rigged this to carry her into the sun. Sorry guys.
“Burn that harness…”
It’s going to melt away in the next 2 seconds anyway
JCoww
those aren’t jetpacks, they’re medical devices that pump excess semen out of people.
Because polluting our oceans with oil just wasn’t enough…
When i was a young boy, I asked my daddy if i could grow up to be an astronaut.
He said to me, “Sheeeit, when pigs fly.”
Guess what? I’m going into SPACE!!!
wow, Danica McKellar has really let herself go since she got divorced
So you start the day off with Jessica Biel’s amazing ass at the beach and then you fucking kick us in the nuts at the end of the day with this shit?
Fuck you, fuck you and the horse you rode on in.
He loves the sensation of a 6 foot BBC (big black cable) throbbing behind him.
Zoom in to see the rolls of fat. But don’t look too far down or your eyes will immediately catch herpes.