Jersey Shore’s Deena Banged A Chick

August 25th, 2011 // 103 Comments

Welcome to the Sex Buffet. Population: Ladies.

While filming in Italy, Jersey Shore’s Deena somehow managed to hook up with a chick The Situation brought home for himself, so I think it’s safe to say these kids are carting home cadavers now. That’s the only explanation here. Via Us Magazine:

Unfortunately for 24-year-old Cortese, her housemates will never let her live it down. “We heard you were moaning all night,” The Situation, 29, teases in a sneak peek from Thursday’s episode.
“She didn’t lick down there,” Cortese says defensively. “She went to and then I decided I didn’t want to do that. Now I realize I was a little bi-curious, and I realized I do like boys.”
“I always said that if I was ever to be bi-curious it would be with a hot blonde,” Cortese says while sitting in confessional with costar Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, 23. “She was adorable.”

Here’s where I’m torn: While it’s hard to believe anyone of any gender wanted to tongue Deena’s slophole – I threw up, too, it’s okay. – I also don’t want to rob myself of the joy of knowing a woman preferred it over having sex with The Situation. Apparently you really can be that big of a douche that a chick will contemplate death by swampgina. The prophecy is true!

Photos: Getty

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  1. She banged some bitch named Pauly D.

    • Louis Winthorpe III

      FUCK JERSEY SLAGS!!!! WHY DO YOU KEEP POSTING STORIES ABOUT THESE STUPID WHORES?!?!?!? YOURE JUST PROLONGING THEIR UN-EXPLAINABLE CELEBRITY STATUS!!!!! FOR GODS SAKE MAN, KNOCK THAT SHIT OFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

      • lydiav

        From the look on her face looks like that puss smelled a bit stanky.I am a 28 years old doctor, mature and beautiful.and now I am seeking a good man who can give me real love , so i got a username Lindasunny2002 on–a’ge’l'es’s'da’te.c óm–.it is the first and best club for y’ounger women and old’er men, or older women and y’ounger men,to int’eract with each other. Maybe you wanna ch’eck ‘it out or tell your friends!

  2. oldmen

    not sure how this warrants a post.
    Ugly men have sex with women all the time.
    What does he want a medal?

  3. bingledings

    While I’m loathe to admit that I watched this episode, she didn’t actually bang the chick. She was in the process of getting her fartbox tonguepunched but then wussed out and sent the chick to Vinny’s bed instead.

    This chick also claimed to be a virgin. What a wonderful first time experience for her!

    • Richard McBeef

      Right, because virgins will tongue punch fartboxes.

      • DeucePickle

        The greatest lie the devil ever told was that a virgin wanted to tongue punch Hamzilla’s fartbox.

    • oldmen

      I have never heard such disgusting words to describe sexual relations. Thank you. You’re a poet and I think I love you.

      • kimmykimkim

        It’s from Tosh.0: I’m going to tongue punch your mom in the fartbox then read a book.

      • Richard McBeef

        there isn’t a single goddamn thing in this whole fucking world that is “from” Tosh.0.

      • oldmen

        I am relieved to hear Tosh could not have come up with this beautiful turn of phras it is to pure to be chat on by some inbred disease riddled ass monkey who secretly loves dick diving in fudge holes.

  4. ZigZagZoey

    It’s hard to believe that this thing can get any uglier, but she will.
    She looks like a fucking jack o lantern.

  5. Venom

    That’s a dude, it is supposed to have sex with chicks.

  6. oldmen

    I had a roomate who looked like this but was a red head with cystic acne who was the filthiest slob on the planet. She hid dirty plates under her furniture, you could never see her floor since it was covered in garbage adn clothes, she had a bag of cat poo the size of a small child in her room for months and when I went away for 2 months to escape the horror of living with her since I couldn’t find anyone to sublet the house the same garbage that was under the sink was still there when I got home.

    She was a freakish nightmare, but she was funny like a female Jack Black and I had no idea what a lunatic she was until I lived with her. Anyway one night I had a party and my best friend who was as homophobic as they come ended up having sex with my freakshow roommate. Years later my ex best friend joined a homophobe weirdo cult and luckily a month after they bumped ugly tacos I found some stoner loosers to take over my part of the rent and I moved out and never looked back.

    Ya I don’t know why I shared that, but the moral is don’t ever enter into a lease with a troll. Also don’t fuck one, you’d think I wouldn’t have to say that, but clealry some people need reminding.

  7. sounds like more faux tv lesbianism to garner up ratings. let us know when someone we’d actually fuck switch hits. and actually does. with video after the jump

  8. Deena Cortese Lesbian Hook Up
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh god, when she uncrosses her legs, I bet the sound (and smell) is that of bare ass rising from a vinyl seat after sitting in the sun for an hour.

  9. Ask your gyno if roughing is right for you.

    Listen! The enforcer has every right to bang (whether blows to the head or any part of the body) anyone she deems up to no good. It’s a privilege only reserved to Batman and such. It’s a license to clean up the streets, you might say.

  10. Deacon Jones

    SO why is she still wearing the strap-on on her face?

  11. The Brown Streak

    whoa whoa whoa…whoa! Let’s step back here….24? she’s 24 years old? seriously? 24? she’s been 24 for what? 10 years now?

  12. Mikey Tandino

    From the look on her face looks like that puss smelled a bit stanky.

  13. Big D

    This story fails in the details department. Mike tried to bring TWO girls home, one of which was hijacked by horseface here at the bar. Horseface thought she wanted to get it on with a girl but decided it was too much for her. The hijacked girl then went over and slept with Vinny.

    Mike still got his with the other girl.

  14. elleinad

    yeah why is this being posted about at all? especially since it happened it the episode a week ago. old “news”.

  15. BENWAW

    I just threw up a little in my mouth

  16. Deena Cortese Lesbian Hook Up
    Ormand of Omaha
    Commented on this photo:

    I just ate a big pile of my own excrement (with butter on top for flavor). I know it sounds crazy, but it doesn’t give you the right to judge me. It fills me up and I think it’s good for the environment (recycling, and all).

    • Larry of Poughkeepsie

      That’s just plain disgusting. If you’re going to eat poo.. it should be someone else’s. We were poor when I was a kid and often had to eat poo. Tuesday was always “grandma night”. I remember it because it always tasted like prunes, which I hated.

  17. Deena Cortese Lesbian Hook Up
    Linda
    Commented on this photo:

    It was Brooke Hogan, wasn’t it? Ten bucks says it’s Brooke Hogan. People in that family love to bone those who look most related to them.

  18. Maurice St Claire

    The very thought of this is offensive to me .Deena is offensive to me . Jersey Shore is offensive to me . Why does anyone look so far down in the gutter for entertainment . I would rather watch maggots eat rotting corpses

  19. it had to be said

    Good thing I read the story. Otherwise I would have thought her slop hole was her mouth.

  20. Travis Bickel

    I’m getting genital warts just looking at her picture

    • Billy Barty, Jr

      If you were to be in a 1 meter proximity to her slophole , the kinds of things that would attach themselves to you would defy description from a medical dictionary

      • Ty Webb

        I’m injecting myself with penicillin right now as I can somehow feel vermin crawling on me from looking a t her photo. We should get her spayed and dropped off in Pakistan to rob the Pakistannis of their manhood , stat!

    • Danny Noonan

      I’m imagining the smell that emanates form her “special places ‘ , and , no , it is not perfumy

    • Hugh Beaumont

      Imagine the guys that have actually received warts and lesions from her after sexual congress

  21. See Alice

    She is obese !

  22. grobpilot

    Anyone else think this beast is a manlier version of Brooke Hogan?

  23. Biff

    She looks like Tony Bennett. No way she’s 24. She’s got a whole lotta labia licking in her future.

  24. Trent Wesley -Tarelot

    Is this beast supposedly human ? I would check her feet for hoofs !

  25. Lola

    That’s a man baby! And an ugly fucking man at that.

  26. Al Czervik

    Please publish the name of the bar that these cretins hang out at so I can avoid it like the absolute Plague , which is what I think Deena has emanating from her slophole

  27. Colin

    Mrs. Doubtfire in her better years.

  28. seagalisgod

    Before some freakish biological mutation brought on a typical binge by the mother’s on whiskey, marlboros, or just general Jersey douchebaggery, I guarantee that thing had a penis at some point while in the womb.

  29. Carl Spackler

    She is qualified to give blow jobs to blind guys

  30. Neen

    I’m afraid to click “View full size”.

  31. Dan

    WOW! I AM SHOCKED. The Jersey Shore girl will (pretend to) bang girls for attention.

    Who woulda thunk it.

    I am so tired of these clowns. Please MTV bring on the next freakshow.

  32. Come_Honor_Face

    She likes to say she is a “Blast in a Glass”….she….she knows those words don’t rhyme, right?

  33. anonym

    this is fucking disgusting. She already has grandma-face.

  34. Maybe the chick thought those ripples on her leg were abs.

  35. All that you need to know is that the room smelled of kippered herring and cheese…

  36. This is fucking disgusting. Can’t she and “The Shit-uation” be prosecuted for raping a blind, psychotic, retarded minor or somethiing? There’s no way that girl had all oars in the water.

  37. maddox

    She looks like a cross between Danny DeVito and Junior Gorg

  38. David Berkowitz

    She should be made to give blow jobs to terrorists . That would teach them a lesson that they would never forget

  39. Slobpost

    Wow Artie Lange sure has let himself go.

  40. Burt

    She’s only 24?

  41. Deena Cortese Lesbian Hook Up
    T-Bag
    Commented on this photo:

    Anyone order cottage cheese on her thighs? Look at the other picks. LOL

  42. CranAppleSnapple

    It’s the murdering midget troll from Don’t Look Now. Man, I hated that movie.

  43. Butch Coolidge

    Standard challenge – take some mushrooms or mescaline and stare at that face.
    You’ll be screaming “Why, Why” as you attempt to yank your eyeballs out

  44. Cookie

    Tootsie?

  45. forrest gump

    this is the mother’s instinct.
    ……..SHE SHOWS CONCERNS!!

  46. gluten

    so fucking repulsive… and it’s not just because she’s incredibly fat and ugly…

  47. Deena Cortese Lesbian Hook Up
    TheAdmiral
    Commented on this photo:

    Her face reminds me of old comedy shows where the middle-aged host gentlemen will dress up in drag, and to hammer home how much of a lady he is, he’ll put on ridiculous amounts of make-up, but it still can’t hide his old man face.

  48. Deena Cortese Lesbian Hook Up
    KC
    Commented on this photo:

    Since when does a dude banging a chick make the news?

  49. Deena Cortese Lesbian Hook Up
    stickyarmadillo
    Commented on this photo:

    I read the post, then looked at the pics. re-read the post just to make sure I was not batshit, then looked at the pics. Then re-re-read the post. 24? I think that is a typo. Don’t they mean 44? If she really claims to be 24 I am going to have to see a Birth Certificate, kinda like the Obama doubters but I am a Deena Doubter.

  50. These creatures are proof that there is no god!!!

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