Jeremy Piven wanted a piece of this

May 13th, 2010 // 75 Comments

Presumably because her giant breasts were under wraps, Jeremy Piven couldn’t keep his eyes off Jessica Simpson’s ass when she was filming Entourage Tuesday, according to Us Magazine:

“In between takes, he was staring at Jessica’s ass in the most obvious of ways,” a witness tells “He wasn’t being sly about it and would just watch her every move. He flirts with ugly girls, so you can imagine how crazy for Jessica Simpson he was. She almost seemed like she couldn’t wait to change into her jeans, but she was a good sport about it and kind of laughed it off.”

So basically Jeremy Piven took one look at Jessica Simpson and followed the same thought process every drunk guy has when he spots a fat chick at the bar. “There could be a vagina under there, and there could not be. — I’ll do it.” If she knew how to read, I’d actually feel sorry for Jessica Simpson.


  1. cuntychops

    First! Who gives a shit?

  2. PoorToy

    HA! So unique yet so doubtful. Funny fries abound!

  3. Gigs

    She’s sexual napalm remember? Not even close to 2005 but id still wreck her vagina.

  4. pimp

    i’d give her a rectal exam with my tongue…

  5. Benji

    Except that Jeremy Piven is gayer than 6 guys fucking 7 guys.

  6. JN

    FYI: Dude, America’s Best still has that two pairs for $69.95 sale goin’ on. If you think Jessica’s fat, you need to call ‘em NOW!

  7. Hank

    Guys love the paradox of a fat chick with a reputation for great sex.

    No one wants to be seen with the fat chick, but the lure of great sex breaks down their will.

    Of course, after the sex, RUN!!!!!!!! AND DON’T LOOK BACK!

  8. Kelly

    Gross elephant legs. If she wore a paid of corduroy pants, you’d hear her coming a block away.

  9. farles chew

    “I lik’em big and stupid”

  10. Tek

    That back shot is still hilarious to me. Square and wide FTL.

  11. Deacon Jones

    That’s a hard visual..

  12. Sandy

    Anyone who doesn’t think this Spongebob-shaped porker isn’t fat needs to scroll up to the Gisele Bunchen post and remind themselves what a little self-discipline and healthy diet can do for the female body.

  13. Cindy

    Sandy, people like you are the reason little girls become anorexic. No amount of diet, exercise, SlimQuick or prayer will give a 5’4″ person Gisele’s body. Jessica Simpson is in no way fat.

  14. Ariel

    So short, so fat, so lonely.

  15. J

    she just needs some guy to “luv” her and want to munch her box for some self esteem improvement….the weight will drop. She is just a lonely depressed sad, shes cute, has fantabulous boobs, but dumber than a box full of rocks.

  16. Double D

    “Jessica Simpson is in no way fat.”

    Uh, her thighs ARE RUBBING TOGETHER.

  17. Dude!

    Jealous much, Fish?

  18. derrick

    She almost looks homeless. Fat, rat’s nest hair, wrinkled clothes, clutching that purse like all her worldly possessions are in it.

  19. FishBone

    “cup of coffeeeee” – droz

  20. bah

    you guys are serious dicks for this complex inducing shit. jessica simpson’s fat? not even fucking close. i get that this is a blog blah blah blah but you’re still giant assholes for calling anything less than a d cup and size 0 waist fat. aaaaaand it’s pretty hacky. how about you find something original to be funny with? hmmm? or are you just going to continue piggy-backing on whatever other buzzwords are currently being associated with the celebrity of the day? how you can you take a stand against anything? You get on a pedestal when it comes to some celebs and then sink down to lame fat jokes with others. find some consistency and maybe try to write with just a touch of dignity.

  21. justifiable

    #13 Balls to that, Cindy. People like you are the reason short girls are insecure and figure they’ll never be able to compete with long-legged models for male attention – good job!
    Short doen’t have to equal fat, pudgy or out of shape. Look at Christina Ricci, Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Jessica Alba – all short, all with great bodies that give Gisele Bundchen a run for her money.

    Jessica Simpson has minimal acting skills and her singing career is a joke. She made a name for herself based on her face and her figure, and she’s let that last one go. It’s a brutal industry, but it’s her choice to be in it. And it’s also her choice if she’d rather eat her feelings – as well as those of the 25 people next to her – than get disciplined and try prolong whatever remnants of a career she might have left.
    But let’s not lie about what she looks like now just to make the people who are home stuffing their faces with Oreos feel better about themselves, or give them another excuse to skip going to the gym for the 2,793rd week in a row.

  22. Neorules2112

    Pic 1 is awesome … It looks like a scene from the HBO series ” Hookers at the Point “

  23. testingtington

    Ummm doesn’t EVERYBODY in Hollywood know he is gay? What does his publicist think will result from these kind of stories?

  24. Mr. Nice Guy

    I would rather do Jessica Simpson than Gisele Bunchen,
    She is “sexual napalm” and no kid.

  25. Tim

    Fucking her would be like riding a scooter. Heaps of fun at the time, but you wouldn’t want your mates to see you.

  26. alliecat

    Jeremy Piven is a lot of things but gay is NOT one of them. Trust me on this.

  27. justifiable

    #24 To a closeted froot loop mankini wearing douchebag like John Mayer, anything with tits who doesn’t point at him and laugh when he’s naked is “sexual napalm”. One man’s napalm is another man’s wet squib.

  28. Dr. John "Always at Your Cervix!"

    Jessica may have picked up a pound or two here and there, but she is still incredibly gorgeous. Being seen with a beauty like her hanging on my arm would make me feel like a million dollars in cold, hard cash!

    “I would hug her and squeeze her and love her and feed her. And I would name her George.”

  29. Hefe

    Can’t believe how bad she’s hit the wall already.

  30. Chica

    Let’s be real: J Simp is a petite girl and she’s gained heavily. For Hollywood, unfortunately, she’s big. Just the way it is. We can all sit here and pontificate over how we’ve perpetuated the continuation such a dreadful social situation (when we have many more pressing ones to cry over other than the lost self esteem of a cultural generation) or we can pitch in and buy her a damn stylist who doesn’t consistently dress her in so many god awful, unflattering ensembles.

  31. Brown Star Crusader

    I would fuck Parker in the ass while he was fucking her in the ass. Of course one hand would be clutching one of her breasts and the other one would be pinching Parker’s nipples.

  32. Jeremy Piven took a look at Jessica Simpson has followed the thought that the same guy is drunk, when he sees that fat chick in the bar.

  33. Ally


  34. Ally

    She is in the healthy weight range for women her height – yes her BMI is in the healthy range NOT the obese range. These guidelines were written by doctors who know a lot more about what is overweight than guys who say all women should have what appears to be 0% body fat like Gisele. Oh and men who can’t handle a woman over a size zero have issues – perhaps they should be picking up women in concentration camps.

  35. Ally

    Gabourey Sidibe is obese, Joy from The View is overweight. Jessica is a healthy weight. If you are going to call someone overweight at least target someone who is actually considered overweight by medical professionals, not by Hollywood starving celebrity standards

  36. roissy

    Anyone who wouldn’t hit that, given the chance, is a fucking faggot.

    That is all.

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  39. justifiable

    #34 Ally, you moron, back away from the caps key. Wow, what a sizist you are to keep insisting she’s a size 4 – so if she were a size 6 that would be terrible? You know she’s a size 4 – how, exactly ? Because I can guarandamntee you that you don’t go shopping with her.

    I don’t give a fuck what size you claim you can wedge her into, she’s heavier than she used to be and because she can’t dress herself for shit, she REALLY doesn’t look good. And unfortunately, the industry she’s in demands higher standards for her in exchange for the specific roles and the money that SHE expects from IT. See how that works? If the industry didn’t have a “blonde airhead/big tits/hot figure” niche she’d have no fucking career at all, so stop being so hysterical in insisting that now because she looks like she “doesn’t go hungry every day” she’s being horribly persecuted. No one’s insisting that the toothsome and successful Christina Hendricks should be no larger a size 4.

    When the ONLY thing you can bring to the table is your formally great figure that now looks like any other woman who didn’t “go hungry every day,” people who DO do the hiring will pass you over for someone who DOES care and DOES work out. Doesn’t matter if she’s not fat by your definition, like it or not she’s eating herself out of the only category open to her.

  40. James

    @41 Blah, blah, blah, blah. Sorry, was too bored to read all that whining.

    All I’m saying is, she’s looking better than ever. I actually prefer this to the skinny skank Nick LATCH was fucking. The only bad thing – John Gayer’s dirty penis has been inside that.

  41. celebritiesarefunnay

    US magazine was not even conspicuous on that one. “Jeremy Piven hits on ugly chicks so Jessica Simpson was his type”

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  44. Nero

    As long she doesn’t open her mouth,the girl is allright.

  45. captain america

    someone licked her yet?

  46. Darth

    I guess he associated her ass with an ‘all you can eat’ steak house?

  47. Rhialto

    Since when did Snooki get rid of her tan?! Annoying commercials btw.

  48. Aure

    you guys are pretty shallow. yes Jessica is a ditsy person, but she’s curvy, not fat. her legs aren’t that bad. Now if she was 10-20 pounds more, then yes i would say no mini skirt for you. as in for Jeremy, he’s jus being a man. lol!

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