Jennifer Lopez worried about kidnapping

February 21st, 2008 // 75 Comments

Jennifer Lopez is concerned that a plot may be afoot to kidnap her newborn twins. Her husband Marc Anthony made sure security is tight at North Shore University Hospital, according to Life & Style:

The hospital reportedly stepped up its security drills, which involve locking down the hospital in case a baby is kidnapped or otherwise vanishes. “They practiced the alerts twice a week in early February,” says a staffer. “That definitely had to do with J.Lo.”
“Babies have been kidnapped before,” a friend notes. “Jennifer had obvious concerns about security.”

Who would want to steal J-Lo’s offspring? Either the government for some crazy X-Files shit. Or Ben Affleck. Yeah, that’s right, I said it: Ben motherfucking Affleck. He might look all innocent but that guy has baby-stealer written all over him. I saw Daredevil. He’s capable of some seriously messed up stuff. I’m blowing this case wide open!

UPDATE: Jennifer Garner just kicked down my cubicle and continually karate chopped me in the groin. I retract my comments about Ben Affleck. Also – no, I can’t say it. Don’t make me! *nad chop* Okay! Daredevil should’ve won an Oscar! Are you happy? Oh, God, I feel so dirty. I’ll never get over this. I – Ooh! Who brought donuts?

Photo: Getty Images

  1. Heroiny

    Who would want to steal Oompa Loompas?

  2. Eandu

    I hope she is OK. seems saw her before on a celebrity and millioniare dating site . Did she delete it?

  3. Jennifer

    I am just a bit curious…Why her profile was found on millionaire dating site ‘BillionaireCupid dot com’ last week? I will check it again.

  4. deacon jones

    Tom Cruise needs recruitments. So does the director of the new series “Mexican Munchkins”

  5. itspat

    I think the hospital should be more concerned about Jennifer’s family visiting her…and stealing everything that isn’t bolted down.

  6. folly

    She needs to worry Her sperm donor will divorce for another hot girl.. lol

  7. pointandlaugh

    what is it with beautiful women singers and their God-awful-UGLY husbands? (jlo and skullface, and christina and schmuckface)

  8. Mick

    So is that her impression of Zsa Zsa Gabor? “Hello my dahleenks. And by zeh vay, no schtealing zeh baybays!”

  9. Ted from LA

    I’ll admit I wanted to steal twins once. I like children. Little girl children… about 18.

  10. kitty_kat

    Oh please! J-lo really thinks she’s something special. Seriously, woman! Get a grip! You aren’t the first famous person in the world to have a baby. Ugh!

  11. meh

    #6-she is not Mexican and neither is he. Don’t insult us like that.

  12. @3 Willy Wonka!! Would you want to be raised by those two freaks?? I would rather make chocolate all my life.

  13. WHY BEN


  14. WHY BEN


  15. Paige

    She is just saying this for the sake of drama. Why doesn’t she just have her babies at her fortress of a home if she is SOOO paranoid? She’s got plenty of money to hire an army of the best dr.’s and nurses. If there were really a serious threat of kidnappers, then that is something she will have to worry about for the rest of her life, not just in the hospital. What’s she gonna do? Keep the kids in a nice, safe gilded cage until they’re 18?

  16. Barack

    She’s got it all backwards. The darkies and the slants steal the white babies.

  17. Because this cunt’s babies are sooooooooooooooooo much more important than other mere mortal’s babies.

  18. Hey, #15 and 16, do me a favor and SHUT THE FUCK UP. I have a mad hangover today and retard are irritating the shit out of me. Go back to the line and wait for your short bus..

  19. D. Richards (Surgeon.)

    Goddamn she’s hideous.

    You know the best way to thwart a kidnapping, Jenny-J-Lo-Selena?

    Yes, you’re right: Abortion! Third trimester aborts are all the rage in Cuba.

  20. #21 guess your mom never made it to Cuba..

  21. nipolian

    Didn’t superdouche Marc Anthony star in a movie with Denzel Washington about his little girl being kidnapped a few years ago? Pretty good movie if I remember correctly. I think he capped himself in the end……Now that’s entertainment at its finest.

  22. Stillborn

    Let us pray together. Of course if they are born with her buttocks the doctors may have to cut her all the way up to her heart.
    Stupid spic cunt. What a sorry excuse for a human being. Street trash made famous for a big semi-black ass and nothing more.

  23. grobpilot

    These people think they’re so goddamn important that someone would actually want to steal the spawn of Skeletor? The world is not as in love with them as they might think.

  24. havoc

    She really thinks she’s important doesn’t she?



  25. Mike

    #23, yes he did, I thought of that too. Maybe the drugs have made him think he’s still in that movie.

  26. Tapeworm

    First I think she should worry about those puffy eyes. Too many burritos, fatass.

  27. FACE

    This bitch is delusional. Nobody wants her spic kids

  28. The best thing we can all pray for is that J-Ho dies during childbirth.

  29. Gerald_Tarrant

    Why would anyone steal latino babies? Just check any dumpster in L.A., you are bound to find a few baby future hubcap thieves.

  30. Auntie Kryst

    She better just play it safe. Keep the kids inside the uterus.

  31. Auntie Kryst

    She better play it safe. Keep the kids inside the uterus.

  32. Auntie Kryst

    Fucking double post. My bad.

  33. kitten

    She really needs to get over herself! Moron!

  34. Geoff

    The only people remotely interested in her babies is Immigrations Customs Enforcement. They have every right to ‘kidnap’ those kids.

  35. Dick Richards (Homeless.)

    #22. No, my mother didn’t have a chance to make it to the ‘clinic’.

    We were involved in a horrific head-on collision — she died at the scene and I, I was excavated from her womb by a heroic homeless scavenger who used nothing more than the lid from a can of baked-beans to perform the caesarian — he took me under his crippled arm and raised me well. He raised me well.

    P.S. Glug-Glug-Glug — burp. You sicken me.

  36. Quinn

    i’m assuming she’s thinks someone will want to hold them for ransome?
    not a bad idea…. coming up with a plan now.

  37. Champ

    Fuck you #4 and #5

  38. Ryan

    Stupid chola bitch.

  39. Sebastian Melmoth

    What I’m really not understanding about this story is the karate chop to the groin. Is that a bad thing? I sent letters to Jennifer Garner asking her to stomp my testicles with stilettos. I sent them every day for a month to her private home address. Somehow the Sheriff found out and asked me to stop. Buzzkills.

  40. The Conception of D. Richards (mantoy), (man-boob lactater)

    Poor Dick Dick doesn’t realize the details if his life when he was sperm-n-egg.
    Shall we in the interest of good manners call a gentleman working for tips on a leper colony his father, one day scratched his rotting scrotum accidentally digging out the last dried up sperm remaining. He then picked and blew a wad of snot from his very wide dark nostril into a puddle of piss, where the dying cell was temporarily nourished.
    On the other side of the island where the leperous ladies washed their stankin’ cooters, a nice woman was sunbathing nude, legs wide open (I am wretching but couragesouly I shall endeavor to persevere my dear readers – what none?). This was a glorious day for flies. Well one unfortunate li’l fruit fly burrowed her way into our ladies stenching rotting twat – all the way in where she grabbed the mother lode – a deteriorating egg! Whereupon she took it with pride and flew away from the dense flock of her compatriots and, tired consequently fell into the snot/piss/sperm puddle. Colliding with the sperm, our Hero – Dick Dicks was concieved (alchemy/witchcraft).
    An old bat with sores on it’s ass landed in the puddle right after and the godless trinity was united – sperm/egg united with bat ass sore. Amazingly enough for the deformed genome of D. Richards, this proved to be sufficient to incubate his carcass into our realm and thus tell I the fable of Creation of the Man.

  41. #37 well that’s unfortunate- for us…

    Anywho, I’m pretty sure what you meant to say was “intrigue”, I don’t know how you managed to accidentally type “sicken”, that is quite the typo. But I’m glad I was here to correct that for you. Typing can be a bitch sometimes..

  42. Clem

    How they gonna kidnap her unborn children? They’d need a frigging warship to move her backyard the size she must be by now.

  43. Anonymous

    “Of course if they are born with her buttocks the doctors may have to cut her all the way up to her heart.”

    Good line. Since when does J-Ho have a heart?

  44. D. Richards (Unintrigued.) (By life.)

    Frist . . . ‘Intrigue’? Me, intrigued, by you?! In your dreams, sister!

    Your beer-shits sicken me.

  45. D. Richards (Leper.)

    #42. United in piss — yeah, I know where I’m goin’. Down the shitter.

    Great post.

  46. #46 Are you stalking me? Why the hell are you hanging out in my bathroom? Dude, you have serious issues, maybe you should seek a professional (not a hooker) to help you through your troubled times..

  47. D. Richards (Masochist.)

    I already have seeked help, albeit it unintentionally (I’ve been commited a couple of times).

    Stalking? Don’t you worry about it, I’m not dangerous; I just want to smell your shit.

  48. rukdngme

    I bet no one was even THINKING about kidnapping her kids until SHE mentioned it.

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