Jennifer Lopez might be birthing aliens soon

February 20th, 2008 // 69 Comments

Jennifer Lopez could be delivering the spawn of Marc Anthony today. Page Six is reporting the singer/actress checked into her lush suite at North Shore University Hospital and the J-Uterus is ready for blast off:

Monday, we reported the room, which is furnished with a leather couch, had “been sitting empty for two weeks” in preparation for the pop diva’s twins. But a recent patient at the hospital told Page Six that during her visit, staffers were aflutter, exclaiming, “J.Lo is here!”

Meanwhile, Marc Anthony climbed into his spaceship and prepared for his flight home to the Salsa nebula. His work here is complete. Now if he can just get Tom Cruise off the windshield: “Dammit, man, you can’t come with me. This thing only seats one and, for the last time, you’re not sitting on my lap. We tried it once and you kept doing that weird smile.”

Photos: Getty Images
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  1. Deaf RaGe

    That was a funny entry.

    Really.

  2. derok

    first!

  3. 1 legged jezebel

    she’ s so over in the US. she may as well move to puerto rico

  4. I bet that is actually Marc under her dress. The plot thickens….

  5. Racer X

    Looks like her ass is on her stomach.

  6. p911gt10c

    She must the hidin’ The Block under there.

    Oh, and #2, you’re a loser.

  7. digdug

    I thought her ass was pregnant all these years….

  8. D. Richards (Biologist.)

    Most pregnancies enhance a woman’s beauty, or even create a glow for those unfortunate uglies that more often than not lurk; Jenny-J-Lo-Lopez-selena’s pregnancy, on the other hand, has successfully transformed Lopez-Selena in to a tranny mutant. Yeouw!

    And: Lopez-Selena’s children are not ‘aliens’, they’re Chupacabras.

  9. fergernauster

    I just really wish she’d cease making that silly, come-hither face with the guppy lips and heavy lidded eyes. It’s especially stupid considering she’s as large as a cow, her cervix is dilated 8 cm and the bloody birthing is imminent…

  10. surlywench

    She ruined her chance at attractive children by reproducing with that ugly spic.

  11. Old Hag she looks

    This unwashed bitch is now washed…up! She is waaaaaeeeyyy over the hill. What did she ever have to begin with? Her acting is amateur, she can’t sing so like all talentless market creations, she raps. She look middle aged now. She should just be a good mother and stay home with her so deserved millions and millions, while we go to work responsibly and make nothing.
    It rocks the inequity!!!!
    Maybe she can make 20 million on a new Latin installment of Full House only with her puerto rican twins! All Latinos! yay!

  12. gotmilk?

    she looks fucking ridiculous in that second picture & i’m not even talking about the size of her. it barely looks like her, which would have been a good thing, except that face is hideous.

    so i guess we should assume she’s going to get a c-section? at least attempt to put in the effort J. Lo.

  13. dude

    I have to humbly face it, the Fish writer is funnier than all of us put together. “J-Uterus is ready for blast off” and “Salsa nebula” really got me laughing.

  14. Auntie Kryst

    The twins are coming? Dios Mio! Is their going to be a Puerto Rican Pride parade in New York City for this wonderous event? I mean in addition to the one going on right now.

  15. Jenny

    I have to agree with #9. She is a no talent hack who is the product of wonderful marketing. And these pictures, with her “come hither” expression, show her desperation. Those poor poor children

  16. Auntie Kryst

    their = there. Fucking typos.

  17. whackjob

    Bwahahahaha! This widescreen monitor makes her look even bigger than she is (if that’s possible).

    Say, I’m no expert on the whole child-birthin’ thing but aren’t, um, tourniquets generally a bad idea on wimmins who are knocked-the-fuck-up?

  18. The scariest thought is that ANYONE would fuck either J-ho or that asswipe Marc. They might be the 2 ugliest and least talented people on the planet. It should be illegal for them to reproduce.

    Oh, #2 – you are a loser.

  19. fergernauster

    Of course she will choose the “easy” route and schedule surgery to release the twins in her womb. All these “celebs” do. Why? Because they are wimps. All of them. And they haven’t two firing brain cells to rub together. They are dim robots.

    Still… what does it matter that her specially appointed birthing room is festooned with luxuries like leather couches and roses. When your insides are on the outside and you have two crinkled, wailing banshees attached to each engorged nipple, what does that matter?

  20. It's me Fuckers

    OMG, she is carrying those babies high. It looks like she can’t even swallow. They are right up under her ribs!

  21. Mr. French

    Mere words cannot describe how much I hate this talentless piece of trash.

  22. hnb

    yes…the face is a bit ridiculous.

    webelowwear . com

  23. anita

    # 9 I dont think thats a come hither look but the look of a pregnant woman who just passed gas…..

  24. mrs.t

    God, Yennifer, lay off the weed and try to open your fucking eyes. You’ll get plenty of Percocet after the c-section.

  25. BunnyButt

    I wonder how many there will be in this litter?

  26. fergernauster

    She is starting to resemble Tyra Banks, with, I imagine, shit-stained undies and all!

  27. her zoolander sexy face attempts make me laugh heartily.

  28. HAHHAHAA oh man, the “salsa nebula” made me snort out loud!

  29. mrs.t

    #27-do you hail from Da’Nati?

  30. I really didn’t want to comment on this post. I find her and her pregnancy extremely boring, but WTC??? We don’t get a new post or what??

    What’s Britney up to today?

  31. Lowlands

    It took some time but much more pregnant looking like this is hardly possible my friends.She’ll be a great mother.

  32. She looks like she’s about to sneeze.

  33. Chupacabra

    Don’t you be bashing Chupacabras around here, homes. Chupacabras es Mexican, not de Nebula Salsa y Puerto Rico!

    Chingao!!!!!

  34. She looks like she’s about to sneeze.

  35. Damn you Apache server errors!!!

  36. Sauron

    Two huge balls on the backside and three huge balls on the frontside?Marc Anthony got himself finally some serious balls to play with.

  37. amusante

    i laughed out loud at ‘salsa nebula’

  38. Geoff

    “Jennifer Lopez may be birthing aliens soon” Yea ILLEGAL ALIENS! Bang! Zoom! He he.

  39. hausfrau

    Note to all women 7 months or more pregnant: DO NOT WEAR A BELT. You just look stupid.

  40. Geoff

    “I like tacos and burritos” “That’s why we named the twins after them.”

  41. uh-huh

    She’s beginning to show.

  42. what´s wrong with her face!?

  43. ohgeesh

    you guys are a bunch of idiots i bet none of you dont know how the hell it feels to be freaking pregnant i bet ya’ll all under sixteen, get a life idiots and go complain over your ugly asses .i dont like j-lo but anyone who isults a women for being not attractive by being pregnant its an ass@#$
    seriously get a life, n if any of you are older than 16 dammit i feel sorry for you. ungrateful ass!@# ‘s how you think your mother felt when you were
    inside her, and about mark yeah he is ugly, so Fu@#$% what? i bet ya all as ugly too.GEEEESH you peope ar sick.

  44. The Shine

    Skeletor’s work here is not complete until he gets JLo’s sister pregnant. I read that he has made the attempt but has not yet succeeded. All I know for sure is that Anna Nicole left a black hole void in the gossip pages and it needs to be filled. I am spending entirely too much time working.

  45. dude

    In pic #2 she looks like she’s just about to start drooling heavily all over herself.

  46. SL

    At least her hair looks great!

    I know she feels like a beached whale right now. It will be such a relief to give birth and finally be able to breathe again. BTW, I think that scheduled C-sections are the norm now for any multiple births; some doctors will even refuse to let you try to birth twins naturally.

  47. Juaquin Ingles

    It’s ironic when women like this use pregnancy as an excuse to get as FUCKING FAT AS POSSIBLE and then complain afterwards when their skin hangs down to their hairy shins.

  48. Anonymous

    “i bet ya’ll all under sixteen”

    Hey stupidfuck. You can’t spell and you can’t use punctuation, and you’re saying everyone else is under sixteen? How fucking stupid are you? What a fucking dolt. That means YOU, ohgeesh. Get the fuck off the Net, dumbass.

  49. alex oz

    look at that face , she could eat a god damn hippo !

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